Blake Thornton
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London, England
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To my Lovely Assassin:
The joke's on you Blakey! That's actually a good picture of me! And once again, I do NOT have a witch laugh!!! And I obviously win. Let me be better than you at something for once! You've always been better than me at Math, Science, History, English, Robotics, Foreign Languages, memory, physical activities, lying, writing, etc. Let me be the winner just one time!
You really don't have to worry about making me just a tiny bit worried, Blake. It makes sense. But I'm glad to accept the thank you that I definitely deserve, and I am TOTALLY gonna try and scare the life out of you the next chance I get! And yeah, you totally love my voice. I really DO have the power to bring out people's emotions, and I LOVE seeing your usually composed face go red! It's more fun than you'd think!
As for the female assassin thing...yeah, I guess that makes sense. But seriously, there's no drama? Lame. Super lame. What do you even do for entertainment? I assumed the ladies would be all over a guy like you, but I guess assassins don't have good taste (: And I can't believe you're not interested in romance! I've already had about three boyfriends in my lifetime, and you've never even liked a single girl that I know of! Honestly dude, you're never going to be happy with just being an assassin for the rest of your life. Maybe start thinking about that.
Can't wait for you to come home! Be safe!
Your Bestie,
Amanda♡
P.S-Thanks for the birthday message, that's sweet of you! See? Even assassins have hearts (:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey!
You made my day <3 <3
) Anyway, I feel like it really shows her girly, easily excitable side, which contrasts itself with the dependable side that can keep her best friend's deadly.
For starters, thanks a lot for bringing a huge smile to my face today. When I saw this post in the Green Room, I started grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat.
I think there's a little glitch in this line, 'cause I didn't really get what you meant by "my thank you":
But I'm glad to accept my thank you, and I am TOTALLY gonna try and scare the life out of you the next chance I get!
Also in this line, I think it should be a comma not a period:
And yeah. you totally love my voice
And this is not wrong I guess, but I feel like it would be better if you phrased it like "But seriously, is there no drama?" instead of:
But there's seriously no drama?
Other than that, I found no errors.
I really like how you add to Amanda personality by using A LOT of capitals. (See what I did there?
I really enjoyed how she takes on an almost motherly tone at a point, berating him about his relationship status, or rather the lack of it.
I also think that adding the address was a nice touch. It gives a more lettery feel.
I also like this part:
And once again, I do NOT have a witch laugh!!!
When I read this line, I immediately imagined it phrased in the third person, saying that Amanda hotly declined having a witch laugh. That really made me laugh.
On the whole, I loved this story. Can't wait for the next letter.
Keep writing.
Thanks so much! I'll get right to fixing some stuff up!
Hi WishIHadASword!
Mailice here with a short review!
I'm glad to see the letter series continues and you're also rewarded with two letters right away!
Let's start, I really liked that you continue to portray Amanda's character very well by making it seem like she's talking. The only flaw I noticed is the lack of smileys. They were a bit more present in the last letters, and now they are not here. I would definitely add them somewhere.
But I really like how you highlight some words where you can obviously tell that Amanda is (artificially) upset about some things or is making them bigger. Very convincing was when she lists at the beginning the school subjects where she is worse than Blake, because the list almost doesn't get to his end.
There is a small mistake here, "starting" should be made into "start".
Also, back in this section, I think somehow the transition didn't work very well. At least in my eyes I see it as Amanda being somewhat self-centred and her birthday being a little bit higher than everything else. Either you could rewrite it a bit, (at least the first sentence) or put it in as a sort of P.S. that she hastily added before sending the letter.
Otherwise, as always, a great portrayal!
Mailice.
Thanks so much for the review! I'll definitely make a few adjustments!