To Paxaria: part 5.0

Review: While traveling to Altha's place of residence, Ruelle and her mentor pass through a small village where Ruelle is thrown into a medical emergency. Due to her earlier carelessness, Ruelle accidentally caused the injured woman to be poisoned, on top of her existing mysterious wound. The patient nearly dies, and Altha gives Ruelle a sharp lecture about responsibility. The two stay overnight at the home of a villager named Elfrida in order to keep an eye on Mysie, the injured patient. Ruelle is still uncertain whether Mysie's daughter Idylette will be angry and blame her. But the morning brings a new distraction.

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“Come with me, Ruelle,” Altha said when the sun had risen. She was standing near the door with her bag across her shoulder, and she motioned Ruelle over.

Ruelle, who was nervously flitting back and forth between the kitchen and the main room like a lost moth, cast an apprehensive glance over her shoulder toward Mysie on her cot, then back to Altha’s face.

“She will be fine for a while,” Altha assured her.

Ruelle needed no further encouragement. She practically sprang across the space between them, eager to go somewhere else, anywhere else.

“Where are we going?” Rue asked as they stepped out into the crisp morning.

Altha guided her steps toward the unpaved road and gestured down the winding way.

“This is a small town, and I would like to go into the center market to refresh some supplies.”

Ruelle’s spirits lifted. All night she had been dragged back and forth by an emotional tide of dread and hope, hope and dread.

Throwing her shoulders back, she breathed deeply of the fresh air. It smelled of crops and dirt and sunlight, underscored by the pungent odor of animals to remind her that here, on the very outskirts of the town, most of the widely spaced homesteads kept thriving farms. Their fields stretched green and gold and earthen brown beneath the smile of the morning sun. All of yesterday’s errors almost seemed to melt into in insignificance.

Ruelle sighed.

She almost felt happy.

The morning had brought about noticeable improvement in Mysie. No remaining fever lingered, and her eyes were clearer. She had even been able to receive some nourishment in the warm broth Elfrida provided for her. Idylette, of course, gained a much more hopeful disposition as well, in spite of her exhaustion. Ruelle still wasn’t sure if Idylette would be angry or lash out at her for her lack of responsibility. But so far Idylette had avoided confrontation, and while the worry still simmered in the back of Rue’s mind, she was just glad to be out of the house and away from the whole situation right now.

She and Altha walked in agreeable silence until the road turned to a cobblestone street under their feet and buildings started to appear closer together. The voices of villagers and the clatter of carts in the distance grew nearer, signifying where the central activity of the town was taking place.

“It reminds me a little of home, only smaller,” Ruelle observed.

She took in the quaint market stalls with their array of goods, the cheerful faces bobbing hither and yon, and the buzz of animated conversations, and her mind went back to Whispertide and the wonderful occasions when she was allowed to go to a town market. The biggest ones only took place periodically, and that was when towns both near and far came together to sell and trade various wares specific to their locations. Although Whispertide was nowhere near the scale of Paxaria, these events were always times of high spirits, energetic socialization, and lively festivals.

This village market was a much smaller scale even than many ordinary ones in Whispertide, but Ruelle still sensed that it must serve a similar purpose as the ones she recalled. Often Ruelle had felt these were the only parts of life she could really count on to be exciting. Perhaps it was the same for the people here. From the looks on their faces, they certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves.

But as Ruelle followed Altha through the winding path of market stalls, the bright and fragrant goods were not the only thing that caught her attention.

A negative undercurrent seemed to course beneath the pleasantries of the villagers. It cast troubled shadows over features and edged voices with unhappy tones. Once or twice, Ruelle spotted clusters of two or three men standing back in the shadows talking amongst themselves, looking suspicious and angry.

“Unexplainable,” someone said.

“Unacceptable, is what it is!” another muttered.

Once she noticed it, Ruelle could not stop her ears from tuning in and picking up bits and pieces of scattered conversations.

“I heard tell that the blade was poisoned!” a bearded man told his fellow.

They’re talking about Mysie’s incident! Ruelle realized.

Her heart rate sped up.

Was anyone blaming her? Had word spread that she’d poisoned Mysie on top of whatever toxin laced the assailant’s blade?

Ruelle’s cheeks burned.

Inside her were two opponents, one that wanted to take cover in the shadows as quickly as possible, and one that wanted to climb to the roof of the tallest building and shout, “I promise I didn’t do it on purpose! If you want to blame anyone, blame the king or whoever put me in this apprenticeship!”

But a good number of the villagers were clearly disturbed already, and if things were in Rue’s favor and they didn’t know about what she’d done, she certainly had no desire for them to find out.

Just when she was beginning to contemplate whether she should stay out of sight, someone bumped into her.

Ruelle panicked.

Knocked off balance and certain she was in for a confrontation, she tensed and spun around, ready to defend herself with physical force if necessary.

But in the wake of what was really just commonplace clumsiness, she tripped over her own feet and staggered backward. She just barely managed not to crash straight into a vendor’s carefully arranged display of fruit.

By the time she got her footing and her bearings back, she discovered Altha was out of sight.

“Just my luck,” Ruelle grumbled. She straightened her skirt and ducked off the street into a narrow passage between two buildings to think of the best and quickest way to locate her mentor among the bustle of market-goers.

But then she had another idea.

“What if I don’t find her right away?” she wondered aloud. “What if I don’t find her at all? What if we get separated and never see each other’s faces again?”

The thought held a sparkle of appeal. The corner of Rue’s lips quirked upwards, though it was accompanied by a tiny feeling of guilt, but she shook her head.

“No,” she sighed. “This village is too small. Knowing Altha, she’d never leave here without scouring the whole place till she found me.”

The fantasy of a getaway faded as quickly as it had come. But even so, Ruelle decided, she could perhaps still use this situation to her advantage.

Peering about, she scanned the bustle of people. It was not a huge market, and besides, Altha could not have gotten very far in the time it took Rue to have her awkward moment anyhow. Maybe Altha hadn’t even missed her yet.

Now, Ruelle thought with another sly smile, It’s time for me to know things.

She stepped back into the street and fell in with a cluster of people. She even tried to let some of her hair partially shield her face, in the hopes that no locals would pick her out. But her eyes were looking, searching, watching.

Sure enough, it was not long until she sighted Altha up ahead in the crowd. The older woman appeared to be looking over the selection of fresh bread at the baker’s stall.

No more than fifty paces separated them, but Ruelle did not hurry to close in. She took her time instead, pretending to admire some carved wooden trinkets whilst the old man selling them was preoccupied with a customer who was actually serious. Altha purchased a sensible loaf of bread and moved on.

Watching from the corner of her eye, Ruelle subtly moved on as well.

Keeping her distance this way, she continued following and observing.

She didn’t know why, but it gave her an odd sense of satisfaction or power, like she was in control of a situation for once, making it move the way she wanted it to move. She was determined to catch anything out of the ordinary, any clue that might indicate how Altha knew so many things that apparently the average person didn’t know, things about orcs and secret dangers and places all over Paxaria. So she followed, and she watched.

“And what’s caught your eye today, miss?”

The vendor’s voice broke in among Ruelle’s musings.

Startled down from the cloud of pride she was floating on, Ruelle found herself staring into the eager face of a woman selling pottery.

Like the first fissure in a clay vessel, a crack began to shatter Ruelle’s precious sense of control.

She tensed and cast a frantic glance around. She had been doing so well at evading the trap of conversation and sales pitches! Now she stood wordless, floundering for an escape.

“Ah, nothing! I mean, nothing in particular,” she hurried to tell the woman, backing up quickly and accidentally bumping into an old woman carrying a stack of woven baskets, earning herself a dark look and a grouchy, “Watch it!”

“Well,” the pottery woman went on, undeterred, “if you’re having trouble making up your mind, maybe I can make some suggestions!”

“Oh, uh . . . well, I really don’t need anything,” Ruelle said, tilting her head down as if bashful. She took a side step away.

If only I had a distraction, she thought, her eyes desperately seeking out some way, any way of escape.

“Well, if I were making a recommendation,” the pottery woman persisted, “This pitcher here is one of the most useful items of all, and it-“

A sudden commotion cut her off as an avalanche of woven baskets tumbled and spilled onto the ground to the accompaniment of a livid shriek.

The nearest vendor’s tallest stack of baskets had toppled.

“Careless people, all of you!” shouted the old lady, shaking her fist and drawing the attention of everyone nearby who was not already gawking at the disaster. “Which one of you did it this time?”

No one owned up to it, but none of that mattered to Ruelle. She was already darting away in the shadow of the nearest buildings.

It’s because you stacked them so high, lady, Rue thought. You may want to avoid that in the future, or else a young rogue like me might take advantage of it again.

Her eyes flitted to and fro, trying to relocate her mentor.

She was just beginning to entertain dubious thoughts about Altha not even missing her, but not for long, because in the next instant she caught sight of her mentor up ahead, just at the edge of the market square.

Ruelle pressed her way cautiously in that direction until she could see better.

At first, Altha appeared to be conversing with someone selling herbs and spices.

Not unusual.

On second observation, however, Ruelle perceived that Altha was not talking to the vendor, but to a tall man with his back to the market. His traveler’s cloak was such a dark gray that he had been obscured by the shadows of the alcove between two of the nearest buildings only a moment ago. It was only the few paces Ruelle had crossed that made the difference between his concealment and his visibility.

Ruelle slipped nearer. The crowd was thinner here, and the noise a little quieter. Still, she kept her eyes trained on Altha until she came as close as she dared.

Ducking behind a pile of discarded crates, Ruelle crouched where she could watch without being seen, making herself as small as possible. Something about this stranger with Altha set her curiosity almost bubbling over.

The man had dark hair, but he was turned away from Ruelle so that she could not properly see his face. What she could see of his clothing looked practical and well-worn, but not ragged; and while he held himself as one who knows his authority, he also never exactly stood still, always shifting his weight a little in a way that made Ruelle think he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

Altha and the man stood quite close and spoke in low tones which suggested they did not want to be overheard – which was exactly why Ruelle strained her ears for anything she could catch.

She was disappointed to find she could only grasp phrases here and there.

Dangerous.”

… too hasty.

…sloppy, actually.

Downright cowardly.

Ruelle tried desperately to put the pieces together, but they weren’t enough to form a coherent picture.

She listened closer, not daring to move a muscle.

… unprepared.

… similar to other reports.

That last phrase made Ruelle sit up straight and take in a sharp breath. Now she was sure this was no ordinary conversation between ordinary civilians.

Just as she was pondering whether to risk an attempt to get closer, a swift motion passed between Altha and the strange man. It was quick, subtle, and almost natural – enough that any casual observer would likely have thought it was. But Ruelle, keenly watching as she was, did not miss the flash of white as a small piece of parchment passed between them and promptly disappear up Altha’s sleeve.

Aha! Ruelle thought triumphantly, a smug smile stealing across her lips.

I knew it. Altha is a spy!

Comments & reviews · 3
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goodolnoah
Review

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Hey! Here to check out another chapter!

⟡ Recommendations ⟡

All of yesterday’s errors almost seemed to melt into in insignificance.


Think you didn’t meant to put an “in” before insignificance

𔓘 Writing Commentary 𔓘

It smelled of crops and dirt and sunlight, underscored by the pungent odor of animals to remind her that here, on the very outskirts of the town, most of the widely spaced homesteads kept thriving farms. Their fields stretched green and gold and earthen brown beneath the smile of the morning sun. All of yesterday’s errors almost seemed to melt into in insignificance.


LOVE the descriptions of the town here. I love that it seems to have a homely feel to it, despite Ruelle’s discomfort around everything. Also, it is very realistic in terms of Rue’s personality that she is frightened of Idylette. Maybe you are building to something with them?

The biggest ones only took place periodically, and that was when towns both near and far came together to sell and trade various wares specific to their locations. Although Whispertide was nowhere near the scale of Paxaria, these events were always times of high spirits, energetic socialization, and lively festivals.


I am very happy to see more details about Whispertide being dropped here!

Inside her were two opponents, one that wanted to take cover in the shadows as quickly as possible, and one that wanted to climb to the roof of the tallest building and shout, “I promise I didn’t do it on purpose! If you want to blame anyone, blame the king or whoever put me in this apprenticeship!”


Of course, her guilt makes sense here, but I have a feeling Rue is putting herself on a bit of a pedestal in her mind. I understand tho due to her age. She is worried that everyone is blaming her for what happened, when a comparably worse incident happened before she had re-poisoned Idylette.

“What if I don’t find her right away?” she wondered aloud. “What if I don’t find her at all? What if we get separated and never see each other’s faces again?”


Again, gotta love that you are going the route of making Rue a complicated protag. She has some pretty obvious flaws that make sense considering her circumstance. Seeing her (and be proxy you) lean into and flaunt these flaws is surprisingly something we don’t see enough of in writing. Loving the flawed character we are seeing here. It’s like there’s a constant push and pull between her selfish side and the side of her that knows what the right thing to do is…

❀ Closer ❀

And with our ending “revelation” we really see Rue slip into this sort of “roguish” figure, only to think Altha is a spy? It’s likely that she’s reporting to someone above her. I think Rue is just straight trippin bro. I still love that you lean into her childishness though!

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Liminality
Review

Hello WinnyWriter! Lim here with a short review, having come from the first chapter.

It looks like Ruelle isn’t getting her wish to go into the military after all - working in medicine almost sounds like the opposite of that, which I think will result in interesting character development. I can definitely relate to Ruelle’s fear of people noticing her mistake, even if she’s eavesdropping on the very general topic of their conversations, and they’re likely not *actually* talking about her at all. I wonder if Altha is just pretending not to notice Ruelle - if she’s really a spy, surely she’d be quite good at noticing other spies.

Something I like about this chapter is how you maintain a conflict for the main character. From what I understand, Ruelle is caught between facing her flaws/ responsibility and a desire to escape or pin it all on her circumstances (like being placed with Altha). This makes the plot interesting and develops tension.

Some questions I had while reading were:
1) Is this place a town, a village, or both?

The voices of villagers and the clatter of carts in the distance grew nearer, signifying where the central activity of the town was taking place.


The narration seems to use ‘village’ and ‘town’ at different points.
Is it that there’s a village/countryside/farming area on the outskirts and then the centre is more town-like?

2) I wonder what is Altha’s motivation for bringing Ruelle with her? Is this a normal thing, just a supply run with her apprentice? Is she trying to give Ruelle some space away from the oppressive atmosphere of Elfrida’s home at the moment? Or does she have other intentions? (Might be something that gets revealed next chapter, but just letting you know I’m thinking about this while reading :D )

Another thing I like is Ruelle’s characterisation. She’s definitely a three-dimensional and interesting character. When she’s introduced in Chapter 1, she’s clearly a bit of a dreamer, who wants to be taken seriously in the world, so it makes sense that 1) not getting the job she dreamed of and 2) making a big mistake would result in lots of strong negative feelings. And I thought the part where she tried to ‘regain control’ by separating from Altha and ‘spying’ on her was super interesting.

Overall, this was a fun chapter to read. I wonder what kind of spy Altha is going to turn out to be, and who she is spying for, if Ruelle is correct in her theory. At this point, I suspect Ruelle will soon be discovered or Altha will be revealed to have known she was being tailed like this.

Hope this helps, and keep writing!
-Lim

Thanks for the reviews! It really helps.

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NovemberCrow
Review

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Heya Winny! Here comes the crow, because fact that it's not autumn yet was never quite a problem for me in case of reviewing :D As in last few chapters, I'll go with ol' good Story Template!
Step One: First impressions
:smt003 We have one of the most interesting chapters so far, from my point of view! I think that a lot of small and big things happened in this chapter - we get new information about the characters, but also a new dose of tension and mystery! Reading this chapter was very fast in my case, as I was able to identify with Ruelle and her thinking and I really kept my fingers crossed that she would achieve what she set out to do in this chapter! So my first impression is very good, I didn't catch any grammatical errors and I don't feel that the story lost its pace at any point.

:smt003 Characters
Oh yes, characters! We always end up with characters. This chapter not only showcased Ruell's curiosity and determination to unravel at least some of the mysteries that are piling up around her, but also gave us a few details about her past. I feel like we haven't heard anything about Ruell's hometown in a few chapters, so it was good to bring it back in a situation where the town fair reminds Ruell of something she was used to at home. I also like that in this chapter Rue faces various small decisions that help the reader get a little bit of an idea of ​​Rue as a person.
Personally, I would have liked a bit more detail about Ruella's thought process at some points - the way she behaves reminded me a lot of someone who's only ever heard about sneaking around and stuff like that in stories, and when she finally gets her chance, she's a bit clumsy and doesn't react that quickly...
You really do manage to build up the characters and their values ​​with each chapter, and that's great!

Aha! Ruelle thought triumphantly, a smug smile stealing across her lips.

I knew it. Altha is a spy!

I don't know, Rue - it seems to me that you like adventure stories too much XD. As for Altha in this chapter, she was a really interesting character! I feel like after Rue got separated from her, she didn't try to find her twice and just rushed off to a mysterious meeting with whoever the hooded traveler was. I'm very intrigued about how this is all going to turn out!
:smt003 Plot
This chapter was also one of the ones that really helped the story move forward! At the beginning we see that Ruelle is still going through the consequences of her actions - she is tormented by her conscience and for the first half of the chapter she somehow assumes that the whole village is conspiring against her, which in my opinion is not true, but the internal drama is important, haha. We learn about Altha's that she may know all this information from slightly more shady sources and that many things may not really be as they seem at first glance...that's what you call a good chapter in the story! :D

A bit of constructive criticism from my side is that I feel like the descriptions of the environment were a bit neglected in this chapter. I understand that in the more action-packed part of the chapter they would be an unnecessary delay, but I feel like they would be appropriate, for example, in the part where they are just arriving at the fair - city markets are places full of many sensations! Which ones would be new and interesting for Rue? Which ones would perfectly remind her of home? Maybe you could try playing with that a bit if you want! :D

:smt003 I think something you can be proud of from a long-run perspective is how well you keep the characters in their personalities, but at the same time you constantly develop them and we learn new information about them! I know this was one of those shorter reviews, but I feel like this chapter was more of a character-driven adventure ride and I didn't have that much to say about it!

Have a nice rest of day/night/whatever and stay safe!
- Kay, your local (friendly?) crow

Appreciate the detailed review, as always!

You're welcome, as always! :D



When I use caps I do not want you to read it like a little screech, I want you to read it like a 5,000 year old ogre with the strength of 10,000 men.
— avianwings47