Alone

hey there

ok, that last line should be in an Author's Note at the top, like this:

[quote]
A/N: Please don't laugh! This is my first poem I wrote about six months ago.
[quote]

However, since you clearly underestimate your potential, I suggest you remove this altogether and just trust in yourself - and also in the fact that no-one's here to laugh at you! Had this been rubbish, which it's not, we would try to help, not ridicule you

I think the second like should have a comma like the first one does. Or you could put 'alone' on a new line each time. Ooh and you could centre justify it. I also think you could maybe go through more of the mundane early morning routine to show how ordinary the narrator's life is.

This really is amazing for a first poem though!

Well done and keep writing.

Hey Isabell!
I agree that this is not a poem to be laughed at! It is a serious poem. I really like how you put the word alone at the end of each line. I do have just a couple of nitpicks though.
"I know i'm alone because no one knows i'm alone."
Besides the spelling mistake on i'm, all I really found was the flow. Maybe you could divide the last line into two parts.
"I know I'm alone,
No one knows I'm alone."
Just a suggestion though. Really great meaning behind this poem! Keep writing!
-SnazzyPencil

Hey, there! It's Brunnera here to give you a review on your flash poem xD

Now then, why would I laugh? It wasn't meant to be funny, am I right? It's actually a serious, powerful poem given abruptly and nicely in just three lines! Let's just go through some nit-picks.

" I wake up, alone

I get dressed alone

I know i'm alone because no one knows i'm alone. "

Perhaps you should consider adding full-stops or commas to the first two lines. I don't know, I think it would have a better impact that way. If you put full-stops at the end of the first two lines, it really just emphasizes the word "alone" and adds to the creepiness xD
And just a minor spelling error: the "i'm"s should be "I'm".

Besides that, I think this poetry was unique and had its own chilling aura. At first I was a bit confused with the "no one knows i'm alone" thing, but I had to ponder about it before fully catching the meaning.

Anyway, I thought your author's note was a part of the poetry! Always put the A/N at the top, and be sure to make it bold or italic, or else one considers it part of your work, and it ends up disrupting the flow.

I enjoyed this, and had a good laugh when I saw your avatar. ROFL that smile! A contrast to your creepy work. xD

~Brunnera

I don't think anyone should laugh! Sure, it may be short, but it has serious potential! Really, you should make it longer because I would love to read more Or not...it's great by itself because it's short, to the point, and has a deeper meaning. When I read your last line, I had to stop and think about what it meant to me and the poem. "I know I'm alone because no one knows I'm alone." Can you see my chill bumps? No? Well, they're there. It amazes me how you can take just three lines and give them their own intriguing story. Your characterization is spot on as well. We have all felt alone, and surely we know how awful your narrator is feeling. The eeriness of it all is phenomenal! You can tell the character is distressed and pretty much done with life.. Which is all understandable. I hope that this is just part of your amazingly talented creativity and not so much personal experiences, because being alone really does suck. I hope you never feel like that..no one deserves that.