*Again, for the Contest!* (:
“Well I still don’t see what this has to do with Justice,” I responded. He sighed.
“Because, Melissa, the Healers still hate the humans with a passion. Their will is too strong for me to change. Besides, you know why Healers hardly ever heal.” I shook my head and he rolled his eyes.
“I swear child, do you ever listen to me?” He didn’t wait for a response, but kept going. “Healers are partly blind. The less they heal, the more they can see. Once they go completely blind, they die.”
“Oh,” I said. “Well, how am I supposed to save Justice?”
“You can’t. He’s got to die,” Andrew replied, unemotionally. I choked on tears.
“How can you say that? How can you not want to help him?” I asked. “He’s your nephew!”
“He’s a human and there’s nothing I can do,” Andrew replied coolly. I glared at him.
“You’re just as bad as those Shades. You obviously don’t care about humans either. Well I’m part human myself, so you must hate me!”
“Now, Melissa,” he said, touching my shoulder. I jerked away.
“No! I hate you. I have to help him. Andrew, I love him,” I cried. He touched my face where my tears ran freely.
“How can you feel so passionately about his boy? I think I loved your mother, but I never cried when she was killed. I don’t understand,” Andrew responded, massaging his temples.
“No. You don’t understand love,” I said. I knew how corny it sounded, but it was true. In Mylousis, there wasn’t love. There was only the need to populate the world. To keep the world going on. I could only think of how lonely it was there.
“There isn’t anything I can do,” Andrew replied, quietly. “Nothing.”
“Then I’ll die with him. I don’t think you’ll ever get it, Andrew,” I said. He flinched. He had always asked me to just call him, ‘Dad’, but I never felt that’s what he was. “I love him. He’s only seven and he’s frightened. I’ll be with him all the way.”
“Y-you’ll die. You mean you’ll-“he didn’t finish. He swallowed heavily. “I think I may know a way to save him. Though I’m pretty sure you won’t like it.”
“Yes?” I asked. An idea. That was a start.
“Well when your mother died, I asked the witches how to save someone. Just in case you-“he coughed a little. I could see he didn’t like to talk about death. “Anyway, the witch gave me a spell to read. The only thing is that it requires giving your life force, or your soul, to the other. Their soul is too weak to survive, so they’ll need a strong, healthy one to live.” I stared at him for a minute. So this was it. Was I ready to give my life up for Justice? I didn’t even have to give it a second thought.
“Where’s the incantation?” I asked. Andrew looked shocked.
“You mean you’re really going to do this?” He asked, horrified. I nodded.
“You’re going to give your life up for this child. You could live so long,” he begged. I shook my head.
“I don’t want it. I want Justice to live that life.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment then looked at me. A tender, loving gaze. The kind of look a father gives a daughter.
“Fine,” he said. He walked upstairs, his blonde hair flying in every direction as he sped towards, what I assumed was, his bedroom. He was back quicker than I thought.
“Just read off the list,” he replied in a low voice. There were only five lines. Unusual for such a powerful enchantment. I took a deep breath and began, speaking in a completely different language. The language of the Fairies. The words seemed to roll of my tongue. I was about to read the last line when a pale hand grabbed it from me. Andrew was reading those last lines. The paper dropped from his hand and he fell to the ground.
“Andrew!” I screamed. His body shuddered. He reached for me and placed his hand on the side of my face.
“I do understand,” he said threw gritted teeth. “I know love. I love you.”
“Dad,” I cried. “Please. Why did you take the paper from my hand? This isn’t about you. I was supposed to die.” Andrew smiled.
“You didn’t call me Andrew,” he replied. His back arched and fell. His chest stopped moving completely and his wings turned an ugly black. I fell on top of him, crying. He was dead. My father was dead.
---
“Hey Justice,” I said, as he crawled next to me in my bed. He curled up by my side.
“You feeling better?” He asked. He had seen me crying earlier. I nodded.
“I was just concerned over you, honey,” I smiled. He didn’t know about Andrew and he didn’t need to know anything about it. He could live the life I always wanted. A life without all of this nonsense. Justice smiled a little.
“Don’t be so worried. I know I’ll get through it. I have you.” He looked up at me with those wide innocent eyes. Like I was the one he should call his mother. I held him tightly against me. I would never lose him.
“And I have you. Now get some sleep. Your doctors doing some more tests tomorrow,” I said. Justice was already asleep. Whether it was because of my Fairy abilities or just because he was exhausted, I don’t know. All I know is things were going to be okay. Just this once. I could just relax and enjoy life. Something I had never hoped for. I rested my head above Justice’s and followed his example. Sleep. That was what I needed. My eyelids drooped and I felt my consciousness slip into oblivion as I chased Justice in the dream world.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I read both parts of your work and they are great. but please, please, please! keep going. i want to know what happens next.
Does Justin start having some of the fairy traits from Andrews sacrifice and does Missy ever start dating kyle? stuff like that could make this three times as good as it already is.
I didn't see very many problems in the story in its self though I'm not talking about grammar or any thing. any of my reviews will be based on how a story reads.
I did find it a little vague in the background department. there are a number of things i would like to know more about but that could also come out in another part of the story.
As my mom would say "put some meet on those bones" give me more stuff to chew on.
hope this helps.
Hihi!
Emotion: You have an amazing theme of emotion here: Love. Common, yes, but able to be done in so many ways. I feel you could expand this out big time. Like mention what her father's done for her, how she feels about him killing himself for her, how he suddenly shows he care. Back history, again, is the key factor here.
In the final scene, when she's with Justice, I would have expected some relief. She knows he'll live, and wouldn't the cancer not show up the next day? Just some little wrinkles in the magic that need answering. ^_^
What happens? There isn't really a final "closure" on this work. Yes, Justice lives and we know that, but we don't find out who's going to take over Mylousis? (I really think Andrew is the king of that place, from what is said and what's been said), what happened right after his death? How much is she going to miss him? Are there any times she wished she had listened? Who's going to take over teaching her the ways of the Fairy? Will she try to completely push her Fairy-self away now? Fill in a bit more details as to what happens so we're not so confused. ^_^
Back history: I have one question for you here: Has Melisa ever been to Mylousis? She speaks about it like she has. Clear that up please. ^_^
Overall: Hmm, with the lack of "what happens" I found it hard to really get into this work. We'd been given enough information that we needed to know more things, but we aren't told them. I'd clear the questions of "what happens" and add in a few more memories about Andrew to make this work shine.
Questions? PM me.
~Rosey