Elephants

I am trying not to say elephants, I didn't want to say it till the end, as I did. And the language is correct, I grew up in Botswana and learned Setswana the native language Thank you for your help, all reveiws are apprectiated and helpfull, and I hope I answered your questions.

Hello! I will begin by saying you have some vivid descriptions here. You described pretty much everything needed for me to paint a picture in my mind of what is going on. I could see the elephants, these huge, towering creatures, and then this tiny child simply trying to draw them. Though relaxing and admiring nature isn't my thing, I'll say you did a good job.

I was amazed and startled; their huge bodies surrounded me and they drank from the small grassland stream. Giant and forceful as I heard them to be, I felt calm and focused when I was around them. Small shrubs hid my tiny, fragile body from these creatures. I gazed out as their long trunks swallowed the water or doused their bodes with it. They indulged in the fresh water as if this would be the last time they ever saw it. They blared loud sounds from their trunks, all of which seemed happy and content. I looked at the sun, noticing it must only be about 2 o-clock. Mama wouldn’t expect me for a while.

While the intro "I was amazed and startled" quickly draws a readers attention (Why were you amazed? Why were you startled?), it seems bland. Perhaps add an action before such as, "Their stomping and movement had caught my attention." or something like that. The second part of the sentence, the comma implies that the "huge bodies" rather than the elephants themself were drinking water. I changed that to 'and they'. The second sentence feels awkward. I would personally throw in a 'They were giant and forceful..., but I felt calm...', and take out one of the adjectives in the second part. Also a question, are you purposely trying to not use 'the elephants' in the story? It would be better to put that in than have to use they/their so many times. 'Blared loud sounds', in my opinion again, sounds awkward because they all end in a dull 'd' sound. Try noises. The last few sentences seem irrelevant. We go from the elephants to the character. Why should we care about the character's mom is the question you should be thinking.

I felt mesmerized and couldn’t bear to take my eyes off them. Their huge, stalky bodies, giant, round feet, and amazing ears. I heard stories from the locals about them and mama talked about seeing them sometimes, but never did I imagine them like this. I quickly scrabbled to get my sketch book from my satchel and drew a quick outline of their massive, round bodies, long trunks and tusks. Tlou, that’s what the locals called it.

Love the native language here (unsure if it's real or not). I think the main thing you need to remember at this point is the difference between there and their as well as remember that you have to put commas between two adjectives that describe the same word.

Suddenly all fell quiet. I froze where I was. My small body crumpled up in a ball. The Tlou stared across the stream. I moved my body that way and saw a group of Tau or lioness. My eyes filled with tears. I was scared. Both parties of animals stood there, glaring at each other. Finally one of the Tau, snarled loudly and leaped across the stream. Her members followed her. The Tlou screeched, stomping their feet and running away. The air grew hazy, dust flew upwards, and the world seemed confused. I screamed and covered my head. I just wanted to see the elephants, not this.

You capitalize Tlou in the second paragraph, but don't in the third. Which one would you like it to be? I would suggest making them all capital (Tlou and Tau) just to make them stand out and easier to read. Also, you use motion as a verb, which I'm pretty sure it's not. How about 'moved'? The ending got repetitive so I merged the last two sentences.

A tall skinny African man hobbled across the grasslands. Bangles hung from his wrists, plugs stretched his ears, and necklaces covered his chest. He chanted a small tune as he witnessed the after math of an attack. He made his way to the stream and heard a cry from the bushes. He peered in, seeing a small, white girl. She was covered in dirt and animal blood from the slaughter, but looked unharmed. He picked her up, then noticing her crushed leg. She gazed up at him with bright blue eyes.
“Who are you?” She asked in Setswana, her voice was quiet and sweet like a mouse. The man laughed and answered back in a jolly tone.
“Witch Doctor,” the small child relaxed in his arms, falling asleep on the way back to the village, hopefully forgetting her pain.

Plugs and stretched don't seem to go together. I know what you're talking about: the plugs were so big that they stretched his ears, but I think you could put it in a better way for us to understand. For example, instead of plugs you could say, "Large pieces of cork stretched his ears" and say what the plug is made of rather using that word. Also, I don't think you chant a tune. Chanting is usually reserved for words only. Maybe hum or whistled would work better. Over all, I say this has a lot of potential to go in any way if you wished to expand it. I thought that this was a great summary as to what happened. I had assumed that the main character had simply hidden and survived unscratched. Hope this review helped you.

Thank you, I am horrible with spelling, I remember kids fighting over my spelling tests in grade 6 becuase I always got so many words wrong.

I think you mixed up 'there' and 'their' on a few sentences. ex:

there huge bodies surrounded me

I quickly scrabbled to get my sketch book

her members fallowing her

I just wanted to see the elephants. I didn’t want this.