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Young Writers Society



Eternal Love

by WelcomingException


The streets were becoming empty as the night drew on, one a-clock, two a-clock, three a-clock. The bar’s called there last’s, and the people walked home. Beer bottles in hand and laughter streaming from their drunken mouths. My friend’s and I were no better off. We sung as we stumbled up to Katie’s apartment. We are young! So I set the world on fire!

The apartment seemed to spin and I couldn’t stand up straight. Matt grabbed my arm and I smiled at him wrapping my arms around his neck. My saviour I thought.

“Blakely? You don’t look too good, you should go lay down.” Matt’s words rung in my ears over and over my name was said, Blakely, Blakely, Blakely, Blakely. Nothing made sense. Matt led me to his room where he tuck me into his bed and kiss my forehead.

At that moment tears built up in my eyes, blinding my sight. I choked out a strangled cry. I just realized I was in Matt’s bed, he kissed me, he had tucked me in, and I was in Matt’s bed! I started to struggle, I felt as though the world was a bit clearer. I sat up in the bed with my feet on the floor, balling my eyes out, tears falling down my face and onto my jeans.

“Blakely! I’m so sorry!” Matt rushed; he seemed scared of what I was thinking. He knew what I thought, and I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. Either way, the memories came back to me, the struggle and the fight. The hurt and the crying. All of it, and I couldn’t change the past and it haunting me like a mourning ghost.

“I will never hurt you Doll, I will never hurt you” He repeated it multiple times after that. It wasn’t sinking in, but at the same time I didn’t want his arms to ever leave me. I never wanted to be apart from him. He was the only man that ever cared about me. The only one that could truly understand me, and yet I was just as scared of him as if he was one of those other men had came into my life. Unlike the others though, Matt had stuck by my side through it all. He cared about me, not what I could offer him.

The world still spun as he picked me up and put me down on the sofa in the living room. It was soft and comforting, he didn’t try kissing me again, and he knew it would only bring on more tears. In the state I was in, I wasn’t myself. I was only a shadow of broken past’s, and carless ideas.

The morning was worse than the night, my brain pounded against my skull. I sat up and a cup of coffee immediately emerged in my hands. I looked up at Katie. I curled up on the sofa and Katie sat beside me.

“I know why you wanted to get drunk now..” she whispered as she linked her arm with mine and curled up next to me. Matt must have told her about what happened last night. “It’s all coming back and you can’t ever rewind the past. You wanted to forget by drowning yourself with bottle after bottle”

“You know me to well Katie” I said. We had known each other since we were four years old. Katie knew everything about me, and I knew everything about her. We were kindred spirits brought together by every ounce of need for one another. I would die without her, and she would die without me. Twenty years we had known one another.

I knew what she was thinking at every moment; I knew how she would react to certain things and what she would say to people when she was having “one of those days”. I never had to ask her advice because I knew exactly what she would say in every situation that crossed my path.

“And I know that this is something that is hard to deal with, but booze is not the answer…” I knew she was right, but at the time; last night when you feel like you’re about to hyperventilate and turn into a ball of goo on the floor, you mention the first thing that comes to mind. Beer.

Matt came out of the kitchen with a plate of eggs and pancakes. He sat down on the other side of me. That’s when I realized how lucky I really was. I had two people in my life that would give anything for me. Two people that would jump in front of a bullet for me. I looked in Katie’s eyes and saw the pain in them, the pain of wishing she could hold the burden I possessed. I look over at my dear Matt, his eyes easily told the story of a young man wanting to do everything in his power to change the past or help me in any way possible. To make me at ease and help me overcome my deepest fear that had been controlling my life since I was eleven years old.

I loved them both, and just as they would do anything for me. I would do anything for them. I could see the pain in there eye’s, the worry and the stress. The stress they had built up because of me.

I knew my discussion was rash, but I knew it would make their life easier in a year or so. When I was forgotten and when they decided to move on. I killed myself that night. I took a whole bottle of aspirin pills. They found me dead in the bathroom, and Katie screamed and Matt tried to wake me. I bet they thought I couldn’t handle the stress in my life, of what happened when I was young; but I did it for them so they could move on and I wouldn’t be the reason they had extra stress.

I love them, and they loved me. That will be always be eternal.


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Thu May 02, 2013 1:00 am
SalmanK says...



some sentences are a bit off , i did not understand the message as well , but the scenes and emotions are pretty good . You can us it in a better way !




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Points: 500
Reviews: 9

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Thu May 02, 2013 12:47 am
SalmanK says...



Things just did not feel right It started well but I Am sorry I did not get it :/




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Wed May 01, 2013 1:57 pm
Dutiful wrote a review...



Oh my gosh, its only my steely resolve that has prevented me from crying right now. What a sad, sad story.
Why did she have to kill herself? There's no pain in the world that cant be solved with the help of friends.
You kind of left me hanging here :) What was her problem? :(
The story is really sad and touching. I would have loved to know more about what happened to her in her life.
Having said that, there were some grammatical errors here and there, albeit only a little.

The bar’s called there last’s, and the people walked home. Beer bottles in hand and laughter streaming from their drunken mouths. My friend’s and I were no better off.


These sentences are a bit off.
I think it should have been more like,
The bars called in their lasts,and people walked home, beer bottles in hand and laughter streaming out of their drunken mouths. My friends and I were no better


At this point it felt like Matt was also drunk. But later on, it feels as though, Blakey is the only one drunk there.

I knew she was right, but at the time; last night when you feel like you’re about to hyperventilate and turn into a ball of goo on the floor, you mention the first thing that comes to mind. Beer.


This sentence is also wrong, grammatically that is :)
I think you could have written it like,
I knew she was right, but at that time, when you felt like you were about to hyperventilate and turn into a ball of goo on the floor, the only thing that comes to your mind would be beer

I dont know if I did a good job of correcting that. I guess i didnt :)

But other than that, its a very beautiful and sad story.

However, I did not expect the ending! i like my protagonists to be strong. I guess I'm in no position to judge because I don't know what happened to her.. But I'm getting a vague idea on what might be the problem.

Good job. Kudos to you!
-Divz





The sun can square up and fight me. Apollo is just another bi disaster, and I could take him.
— AlmostImmortal