A/N: Even if this doesn't make it, I'm still going to use this as a speech. I think it's pretty good, and if you guys could review it and help me put the final touches on this, that would be amazing! Thanks in advance!!
A/N 2: Prompt: What does "Just be you" mean to you?
"Just be you." Those three little words; etched into countless girl's shirts, printed on every poster and hung on a teenager's walls, echoing throughout everyone's life whether they realize it or not. "Just be you," they say, "and everything will fall into place." Like puzzle pieces, perhaps.
Countless people in this world are what we call "introverts", and introverts are, well, introverted. Allow me to elaborate on this. Introverts tend to keep to themselves despite having a million things to talk about. They're too nervous to be like the extroverts, who are center stage, loud and confident, and aren't afraid to raise their voice. They tend to entertain their own crowd- people they trust and enjoy being around.
I, myself, am one of these entertainers. My crowd? A mix of tightly-knit friends, close family, and of course, fictional characters. I take baby-steps, socially. I tread carefully, like I'm walking upon an eggshell bridge over a sea of glass below. You grow used to it after a while.
So many people hide who they are out of paranoia- too many, perhaps, and we, as a nation, are losing faith in ourselves. Who are we to hide our real, golden selves, in the country specifically built for people to be free? Who are we to shy away when we have to learn to get up there, on the stage of Life, and dance our passionate, intimate dances? Who are we to keep ourselves locked up? Who are we to shackle our dreams down? Who are we?
The universe decided to birth a world of stardust and nebuae. That world took shape, took form, took a name to be known by forever. A million years later, humanity arrives. May I beg the question yet again, "who are we?" But it was best said by countless people, living, dead, or fictional, who have asked, "who are you?"
And so, we wind up back to where we began. "Just be you." What meaning to these words hold in the eyes of yours truly?
I have the answer. Hidden away, deep inside of me, my answer, like song. And I could tell you, but that would ruin the surprise, the mystery element of it all.
You sent this question out to thousands of students, anticipating the long-awaited answer to your nebulous riddle. Here I am, ready to turn this thing around:
What does it mean to you?
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
Hiya! Sally here reviewing your work!
This is a very well written speech. It is impacting and holds meaning behind it. The description is beautiful and strong. The speech itself is beautiful too.
However, there are words in the speech which could be converted into shorter words. Such as "a million years later". Change "million years" to "an eternity" later. It is more impacting and stronger. Also, try making some, not all, but some of the sentences shorter and blunter, because if you go into description too much, the audience will tend to lose focus to the real purpose of the speech.
Best of luck to the "Just Be You" Competition(which I*cough cough* totally did not forget about*cough cough*) and blow those judges away!
EDIT: Dammit all, I didn't mark this as a review.
Interesting. Let's see... I'll critique it more as a speech than a written piece. It screams to be spoken rather than read, I think.
Since its meaning isn't too unique (plenty of people have looked into the topic before), I think that a good, dramatic presentation would make it shine best! Then again, often times it is the presentation of a speech that matters more than its actual contents. Look at JFK, for instance. Now that man could give a speech...
Don't get the impression, however, that your work isn't well-written, because it is, it's just not something that hasn't been heard or seen before.
Speaking of well-written, the prose is actually quite nice. It seems rhythmic and systematic, not just a blob of meaningless text. It's clearly thought-out, none of your words strike me as pointless filler. It all flows quite naturally and it all seems to belong. This is, of course, entirely subjective.
I might slightly shorten the description of introverts, if you can find a way to do so without damaging the overall message. It seemed a little drawn out. Just a little though. So if there's something you feel could be deleted, by all means. With speeches, you ought to keep everyone's attention. Replace drawn out descriptions with short, impacting sentences.
There are a few typos here and there, but I'm sure you'll go through editing anyway. I'd replace "million" with, say, "an eternity," or something more striking and powerful. Not an eternity literally, of course, but definitely an eternity from the human point of view.
I wish you luck. Hope you can deliver that speech well enough. If you ever get stage fright, remember that it's all about practice. I'm a lad who used to never be able to speak in front of anyone. With practice, I came to enjoy it, and I still do. The more people, the better.
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