Oh, to be lost in a story,
To live in fantasy.
To manipulate appearances
To what you want them all to be.
To enter into a realm unknown
And witness from up close
The numerous trials and challenges
That would have deterred most.
To cheer on the hero
That you have grown to love
And hope that he won’t give up
As you watch him from above.
To believe in someone invisible
Knowing they’ll be great.
If only they saw what you saw.
If only they had faith.
To cry when the damsels cry.
To rejoice when they do.
To almost pray for them at night,
Hoping that they’ll make it through.
To learn from the many tests
That you never hope to face.
And to wait for a saving light
In the deepest, darkest place.
Oh, to be lost in a story,
To live in fantasy.
To encourage the smallest, weakest man
To be what you know he can be.
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141,720 Literary Works • 675,607 Reviews
Hello this fine review day!
Good point no. 1: Huzzah! You rhymed! I always like it when poets take the trouble to rhyme, it greatly increases the sense of rhythm in a work, at least in opinion.
Criticism: The last line methinks could do with a little reworking, because it doesn't seem to scan very well. Just play around with it in your mind.
Good point no. 2: Huzzah! This is a very nice subject matter, not only because it is neither love nor depression, but because it is widely relatable to.
May the hair on your toes never fall out,*
Take That You Fiend!
*Hobbit reference, if you were totally freaked out.
Hi, Weather here with a review.
I feel like this is a poem most people can relate to, especially when reading books, how the reader can get so engrossed in the story the outside world becomes less of a reality. I like how you went through the motions of each stage of the story and how you'd like to be in it too. It was simple, cohesive and had a good concept.
However there is always room for improvement.
I think at some points the rhythm got a bit awkward.
"Oh, to be lost in a story,
To live in fantasy.
To manipulate appearances
To what you want them all to be."
Here It's just a nitpick but the part about manipulating appearances was a bit a mouthful for an opening in my opinion and the last line that followed had a bit too many small words that could be cut out.
I know it was probably intentional but sometimes you are still continuing on a sentence but start it with a capital letter which can be confusing to read.
Overall a nice piece. Keep writing!
--Weather
Deadman here with a quick review for you! Wow, just wow. I'll be honest it surprised me at how beautifully well written this was! I loved it! Just great. I'd love to live in a fantasy as well. Okay I'll stop being all fanboyish here and jump into my review.
Pros-
1. Format. You did a great job.
2. I love the concept here, and it shows that you seem to really like it as well. Great job showing it as well.
3. Description. You painted a little bit of an image into my head.
Cons.
1. Little emotion. I would have loved this even more if you'd including something to strike with the reader and make them click into the poem.
2. A bigger picture. I would have loved it if the picture you painted was more elaborate as well. There was definitely an image, but you could have made the image even better.
Overall it was a great poem. I liked it, I really did. I hope I see more poems like this from you in the future. Also it would seem you've found your way on YWS, and that's spectacular! It took me a year to do that! Well I hoped I helped you with your poem. Until next time, happy writing!
Cheers,
Deadman XD
Oh wonderful, bravo, this was so cool, first of all this is my favorite that I have read, cause this one rhymes and it doesn't force, it has a nice flow and I've read it like a song in my head.
Keep using your rhymes in your poems, cause I love them. I can say a lot of things but then it becomes rusbbish and that is NOT what I want, I want that this turns out in a good review from me.
I can't find no faults in your poem, I like the third phrase a lot cause it is a powerful one, so perfect and filled with a lot of talent. I'm jealous at your writing style.
...Dazzle....