“Growing Up”
Young as we are, older we journey so far
Cuddling like a teddy bear, sooner we fear to stare
Brittle like the glass, rough like the grass
Time is vast, we grow up so fast
Day is passing, a real voyage is beginning
Cherish every moment, enjoy every endearment
Family makes us happy, friends are so funny
Because future is coming, growing up is happening
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141,437 Literary Works • 674,416 Reviews
wow . . . this is excellent!!
you really covered the scary and the fun aspect of growing up!
nicely done!
~Adeera~
I agree with all the other reviewers about the rhyme. I get your general idea for this.
Hi Virsanity! I have to agree with Iceprincess here; you are trying too hard to rhyme.
This line really didn't make sense to me.
However, if you loosen your rhyme scheme, this could amount to a really fabulous poem. Write on!
Hey there Virsanity! iceprincess here to review!
I like the theme of your poem, but I thought you tried too hard to make each and every word rhyme. It made the poem's flow very choppy, and I think you can expand this little poem into something a bit larger. Also, since you are making it rhyme, perhaps you should write the same number of syllables in each line too?
I'm sorry, but I don't really understand these few sentences. Perhaps you should expand it, as I've said before, to make it clear and more coherent.
Anyways, with a few snips here and there, I'm sure it could be a good poem.
If you have any questions, you can PM me. Keep writing!
~iceprincess =]