i am not sorry that there is this tick
in the backdrop of my mind, a metronome
that i might have once thought to be a heartbeat.
that statement has been proven to be false.
sometimes, i think of this cerebrum that
i have been given as a pencil of artifice.
this guile that i have been gifted--
for years that is what they have labelled it as--
a gift. something that i am to be proud of,
but you know i have a knack for being unappreciative.
hostility is in our nature. we were creatures
taught how to feel compassion and emotion--
i get it, can we move on with the lesson now?
i left you in the mindscape, a place where
memories and recollections used to socialize;
the sanitary walls of the therapist's office
have become a place of absent gazing
for as long as i can remember.
and, if there really is a God like you say there is,
i want to find him, even if it means spelunking
into the depths of this bruised body to ask him
what he was thinking when he created me.
i am not sorry that inside me, there is this
chemical imbalance, aligned in all the perfectly imperfect places,
analogous to the stars at night: no, i'm not all right.
Author's Note: I'm particularly wondering if the second to last stanza is a shift in tone for the poem. Other than that, I'm also wanting to hear thoughts (if you're a reviewer who has read my poetry before) if this is different from what I usually write. Any criticism is much appreciated, though!
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139,864 Literary Works • 672,779 Reviews
i love it <3
Thank youuuu!
Anyways, I'm not a fan of free verse because it usually doesn't have a definite subject or rhythm
from the free verse I've read, but I do think I like this onewhich is a great compliment since a hate free verse.I know poems don't have to use capitalization, however, I like to see it because I think it's professional. Though I appreciate the capitalization of "God".
~Ruby <3
You can do it! Get that next star!
Hi!
This poem was so interesting to me. I liked low you really explored the question "why do I exist". I aso liked the imagery you used to create a very strong scene for the reader to feel. You made me think t myself; you made me feel this emptiness and confusion as to why all of us, with our imperfections, our flaws, and our demons, really exist.
My favorite stanza happens to be your last one. I love how it tied back to the first stanza and ended the poem really nicely. My favorite lines were:
"analogous to the stars at night: no, i'm not all right"
and
"i get it, can we move on with the lesson now?"
I feel like these two lines were a conversation, maybe between the narrator and a therapist or close friend? I liked how the whole poem was kind of like a deep conversation, yet it felt like you were only talking to the reader, and not some other person.
I really enjoy your writing style; every poem is different, but they all ties nicely together. I hope you continue to write more, and I can't wait to read your work!
-E
Thanks for the review! Glad you liked the poem.