Young Writers Society

Heyo Kayla, how's it going? I'm here to review this poem, as you requested.

To answer your specific questions:
I don't think that you should worry too much about length here. You say what you need to say, and don't add too much extra in the way of meaning. In the words department, there's a lot to streamline, but I'll get to that later.
The use of white space worked in the beginning of the poem, but seemed too abrupt near the end, when the line became straight. I think this poem meanders a little, especially near the end. I think you should try to use the white space to more reflect what's going on near the end. For example, perhaps you could try separating the math part from the love part. As that seems to be one of the points you're trying to make within the meaning of the poem.
As for the last line, I think it kind of spells it out for the reader a little bit too much. I like that it stings, but I don't think that it's actually functioning well within the poem as a whole. There's nothing wrong with it except that it slaps you in the face with what you're trying to say in the poem. While this has a place in poetry, I feel like this one might be better without the sudden "moral of the story" at the end. If that makes sense?

Girl, you've got some serious wordiness going on in your poem. I'm not sure if I've told you how I fix that, but I'll give you a quick rundown because you're bright.

Basically, take out everything that isn't needed, and then only add back in words if they significantly impact the feeling or meaning of the poem. I'll show you with a bit of your poem.

i ladle these thoughts with a wooden spoon,
letting them stew and simmer under the moonlight
that seeps through the curtains, spilling into the room.
i pretend that there is someone there
in that wooden chair to bring me solace;

i ladle thoughts,
letting them simmer under moonlight
seeping through the curtains, spilling into the room.
i pretend someone is there
in that chair to bring me solace;

i ladle thoughts with a wooden spoon,
letting them simmer under moonlight
spilling through the curtains.
i pretend someone is there
in the rocking chair to bring me solace;

they taught me math,
not how to love myself.

To answer your questions first:

1. The poem's length is fine. If anything it could be a bit longer as there's not a lot of space here to convey much in the way of themes and supporting imagery and you're tackling some heavy material.

2. I hate the white space because I can't copy the lines to make quoting easier! That aside, it has the sense of almost a shadow falling into the room. One line feels very out of place - 'i lie down...' and I don't like that because I wasn't able to interpret any meaning behind why it would be out of place and I prefer a white space poem which gives a clear sense of what image/ emotion it's aiming to convey.

3. The last line is nice. It's bordering on the cliche and brings to mind The Prince of Egypt but I think you get away with it.

Specifics

1. I think 'spilling into the room' is boring. Instead, give us an impression of one of the items in the room. We already know it must be a room because there are curtains so let's have some detail. Something like - 'that seeps through the curtains, brushes against my bed'. That's a basic example but anything which tells us more about what kind of room this is rather than telling us it's a room.

2. I'm not a fan of the line 'in that wooden chair to bring me solace' and I'm not entirely sure why. I think it's because it's over stated and tells instead of showing and you could use the previous line to make it flow a bit better. Like:

i pretend someone sits in the wooden chair,
singing the rhymes from my childhood

Overall

The end of the poem is good and I think that's what you could extend on - what other things does a person need to be taught to be healthy? It's a little generic to say we need to be able to measure our worth because really it's more than that. Even knowing we're worth something isn't enough if we don't know how to follow through on that worth - how to reach a potential or leave behind more than an empty body. I'm not sure this quite gets across the mental health theme because everyone wonders about something as simple as measuring their worth but there's often a lot more to it than that. There's often a whole crushing pile of problems/ issues and even the smallest one can be the one people fixate on/ can't cope with. I think at the moment there's not much of a sense of pressure and this feels more like someone's general musings rather than someone who's falling over the edge.

All the best with any edits you make and let me know if you have any questions.

~Heather

Hello, hello, gxldencrxwns here for a review. I'd like to get what I think aside first, then I'll get to your questions at the bottom.

As for the actual poem itself, I loved it. I'm getting a vibe that a boy/girl has just lost their significant other, and he/she is venting out how they can't stand them not being there anymore. I could be wrong, who knows? I didn't see any rhyming, which lets me guess its free verse, but I won't harp on you for that. In fact, I like poems better free verse!

As for your questions:

1) I'm a bit mixed on the length. I've seen poems with three lines, and poems that took me five minutes to finish. This one seems a bit normal to me in length, but you do you. It's your poem, after all!
2) I like the white space a lot better, in my opinion. The words are thicker and easier to read for me because I have trouble staring at computer screens, I'm prone to migraines. It helps me read it better. But again, you do what you want.
3) The last line was actually my favorite. It makes me feel that the narrator can't feel their own self-worth without their significant other around, who they had lost. It had a fantastic touch to the rest of the poem, and a great line to end the show.

~gxldencrxwns