Lonely and I

Hey there ChildofWriting. It's just Lizzy dropping by as requested, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

I'm going to have to keep this a bit short today because I'm traveling and on mobile. And seeing as I'm late to the party once again, I don't want to step on too many toes.

Let's start with the first two lines, that I can not copy down here because Chrome is being a pain. I liked them very much because they were so strong. I had actually come across your poem in the green room, before your request. The lines do give the reader some sort of sense about the topic but I was a bit off with my prediction. I figured it would be similar to a poem a read awhile back, about certain words themselves being lonely. Now that I've reached the end that's obviously not the case.

Another thing that I've liked about your poems, is that the emotions and lines are sort of relatable. Like you can enjoy a poem or story but unless you can connect to it, it's hard to love it. My life has been riddled with this person 'Loneliness' so I think o get what the speaker is saying about it.

The little grammar and spelling nitpicks have already been covered so no need to overlap there. Sorry if this review seems a bit short, I just don't want to cross with too many people. I would say that I only saw one typo so thank you for proofreading.

The flow is pretty smooth through out and there aren't any lines that sound funky to me. The again I'm not the best person at judgy those sorts of things. The alternation in line length was nice instead of the standard, plain ish look. It's always nice to change things up and put them in new form, as far as poetry goes.

The parting couple of lines keep the reader's attention as much as the beginning. I see a lot of people mess up on that, so it's nice to see someone do it in a way that's beneficial for their piece.

Well I guess that's really about all o have for this short collection of comments. Maybe one of them will prove to be useful to you, I don't really know.
Anyways have a nice day.
Happy RevMo.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs

Hi, ChildofWriting! Mage here to review your work! So let's get to it, shall we?

As someone who started writing because she was lonely, this poem is very understandable to me. Loneliness and I have had the same relationship the persona of this poem and her have had; sometimes I hate her and others time I happily embrace her.

Some words are warm and some are cold,
Some words are worn, forgotten and old.

Even for all the time Lonely and I are together I cannot for the life of me remember,

So I think know now what Lonely means, though I never could tell you,
not by any means.
You would have to ask Lonely, while alone, you two.
I think only then would we all know the truth.

Heya, ChildofWriting! Your riddle buddy Casanova here to help you in a review!
So, I don't know i I've reviewed anything of yours in the last little bit, but here is how I do it. I start by listing the good(if any, and in my opinion), then the bad(if any, and in my opinion), then I conclude! Haha! Let's get to the review then, shall we! To the review!

Anyway- the first thing I noticed about this was the format. It's not exactly what I"m used to- but I liked it nonetheless. It's weird, yet enticing at the same time if that makes any sense?
Anyway- onward.
The other thing that I did like about this was the imagery? I mean- yeah I know it's cliche to say that you like imagery and description in a poem but it's still true nonetheless. Like.. Here's a couple examples of what I really liked about this.


"Lonely and I are a very close duo,

though as love often goes,

we don't always think so.

We come and we go,

we go and we come,

sometimes with chocolates,

sometimes with guns."

Now, I could see where some people wouldn't like this- but I do. Here's why- you don't hold back. You keep it raw, and you keep it close to the truth. It's really amazing, talented, and wonderful. Thank you for that.

The other thing I would like to mention, and this I normally despise within a poem/song. but I think you used the flow wisely, and kept it fluently throughout the entire thing. It kept the same flow and rhythm to it- at least in my head. So, props for that.

Now, this is the section where I would normally say which lines are the best and blah blah blah- but I already used that so I'm just going to continue on to the next part of the review.


Okay, the next!


Something that did bother me was in those lines I listed earlier.

"Lonely and I are a very close duo,

though as love often goes,

we don't always think so.

We come and we go,

we go and we come,

sometimes with chocolates,

sometimes with guns."


The first line it says,"Lonely and I are a very close duo," I loved this line, but one tweak I, personally would make, would be changing,"Lonely," to,"Loneliness." In my mind, and opinion, this seem to make it flow a bit better. Not in like a speed way, but a sound way. It seems to bring more clarity to it.
The other thing that somewhat bothered me was these two lines:


"Lonely is a word that I know all too well, though sometimes with it I shrink or I swell.

Even for all the time Lonely and I are together I cannot for the life of me remember."

In my opinion this would work better if broken down into four lines. Like this-

"Lonely is a word that I know all too well,
though sometimes with it I shrink or I swell.

Even for all the time Lonely and I are together,
I cannot for the life of me remember."

In my opinion this goes better with the format, but I could see where you would want to leave it as the original. So props for that.

Anyway- yeah. The imagery, flow, and description were all there. Which is amazing. I'm not going to even rag on you for some lines that aren't capitalized- this seems to work the way it is. And that one nitpick is the only thing I have, changing Lonely to Loneliness.

So- keep writing. I can see potential in you!

Keep doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Your friend- Matthew Casanova Aaron.