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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello there! I'm here to bring this out of the green room for you
I don't know if anyone in your real life (like family members) know how you feel or how much you're suffering, but if you have family members you trust, I would encourage you to share this with them if you're comfortable. I'm glad you have an awesome boyfriend and friends you can share with, but there might be some people in your family that would appreciate knowing how you feel too. But I don't know. I don't know you or very much about your situation, so you do what feels right to you. I would also encourage you to continue to write about this and continue to find a way to get your feelings out about this. You might want to look into finding a counselor or someone in your area that you can talk to about this too because you shouldn't have had to go through all of this stuff 
So before I even sit down to read this piece, I can already tell it's deeply personal. I see there at the bottom in your author's note that you're not intending to revisit or revise, that you just wanted to get it out. I totally get that. Writing is so therapeutic and it's such a good outlet for getting out painful feelings. I admire you for not only doing that, but for being brave enough to share it in a public space. You're welcome to post future pieces of this nature (should you ever write something like this again) in the publishing center, but if you don't want to spend 200 points on it, you could also post it on your YWS blog or in a forum post or something like that. Publishing center pieces are designed for critiques and revision, but it's okay that you posted it here
Onwards!
Well I hope you don't encounter anyone that judges you for writing this. This is a very powerful and emotional piece and it obviously comes straight from your heart (and please, if someone ever says something insensitive or rude to you on this site, don't hesitate to contact someone in green about it!). It actually takes courage to write a piece like this because you have to confront all of the painful things on your heart. It takes even more courage to give others a window into that pain.
I'm not going to critique anything about the writing because I don't think that's what you're looking for here and honestly, I don't think it would be helpful
Keep your head up, and keep on writing, and let me know if you need anything else! My PM box is always open <3
Thank you for saying nice things and not judging me. I really appreciate that.
Damn son.
wow
sad part is the boyfriend who helped me by making me smile, just left.
oh wow
yep, just great
wow
One thing I have to say is this is amazing. Thanks for opening up to me... and other people. I know it's painful and it takes a lot of effort, but I'm very proud of you. I wouldn't change anything out of this.
Hi Steam <3
Writing is one of the best outlets for pain I know. When I first started writing seriously, I was a sophomore in high school and hugely depressed. Like you, I needed a way to get the things I was feeling out of my head and somewhere I could look at it and hold it and start to rearrange it to understand how I felt. It's very brave of you to share this as a literary work on YWS. Thank you for trusting us.
I know you say you don't want to revisit this or edit it, which I definitely respect. I don't know that we've ever crossed paths on YWS before, but I just wanted to drop by with a review to encourage you to keep putting yourself on paper like this (whether you share it with others or not). Emotion (especially, but not only, pain) from real life experience is some of the strongest writing fodder there is. And you have some really beautiful images here:
Pieces like these are important because they let us begin to sort through these emotions and ideas swirling around in our heads, but I firmly believe they aren't just exercises meant to be discarded entirely. I hope that you'll come back to this someday, when this specific pain maybe isn't so strong, and remake some of these images and phrases into really excellent fiction or poetry (or even nonfiction, if it suits you). You have this strong notion of the physicality of emotional pain that I really identified with. I think you can get a lot of lovely creative work out of those ideas, if you felt interested (and comfortable) enough to do so. I also really admire that first line I quoted, this idea that your parents don't realize they're not their parents and that they can change. What gets passed to us from family is something that interests me a lot. Maybe you'd be interested in exploring that more someday?
I hope this review isn't too out of place, and if it is please ignore me. I also hope that you're safe and know the places where you can get help (physically, emotionally, mentally) if & when you need it (it sounds like you already have a great support network of friends!). Stay well and keep writing <3
--Lauren