A lonely outcast sings in the middle of the night,
Despite the cascade of the rain, he made no enemy of it.
Instead, he harmonized with it.
He's a clear and mellow songster of the night.
Come dawn. he stays by the alleyway,
Covered in no convenient wear,
He's a filth in the eyes of the morning crowd,
His voice is meek and not so loud.
For he's the symbol of the broken,
Even the swarm wouldn't dare to touch his tokens.
I cry, should I, even when hell casted him out,
He's a maggot in a carcass, a figure that says
"Everything in us we should throw out."
'Til dark comes forth once again,
He's preparing for his next grand big parade,
With his audiences of tress
And the gusts of all these steadfast breeze.
He sings once more,
And there appears a door
For his own bliss.
It's his only cheat in living in this atrocious world.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I find this to be a very concrete and intricate poem. It's very well written and flows together in a way that brings out a certain feeling while reading it. Everything was done very well and it . was easy to get the overall message an meaning that the poem was expressing. Overall one of my favorites I have seen so far.
Hi there!
In general this was a really good poem. To me, the most important part of a poem is the massage behind it and how strong it is. The message you are sending with it is very powerful and should be taken into consideration by everyone. In other words, it was really good and I love it.
Now, all I can really criticize is that in the first stanza, you used "Night" twice and it didn't really flow. In the third stanza, you used "out" twice as well. Also, in the fourth stanza, in this line "He's preparing for his next grand big parade," I would either use the word "grand" or "big." Both of them is too much. It disrupts the flow and just sounds weird.
Other than that, you did an AMAZING job! The message is clear and uplifting. I think more people should read this poem!
Your friend,
Honora
Thank you, Honora! I'll keep your valuable criticisms in mind!
Hey
Che here for a quick review!
First of all, this poem had a very clear message that you got across to me. It was very emotive and brings light to an issue that is close to a lot of peoples hearts.
I liked the structure, however, the third stanza has five lines opposed to the four the rest have, which disrupted the flow so I would recommended changing that
Also, your rhyme scheme was no consistent. I don't know if that was intentional but sometimes just neatening up the scheme can make the poem sound a lot better out loud.
In the first stanza you ended two lines with the word "Night" which I would avoid doing unless you are going to be consistently repetitive throughout the rest of the poem.
Some lines were a lot longer than previous ones which disrupted the flow of the poem.
However, overall, I really enjoyed this poem! I thought it was extremely emotive and that it made a clear point to the reader!
I look forward to reading more poetry from you in the future
Thank you!