The Moon or Whatever

I love this poem. It's so deep and meaningful. It really reflects the common feeling of always being too far away from reality. The world is a really big place, and infinity is even bigger, and we're so small and insignificant compared to everything that's happening around us. In life, everything happens at once, and we humans are too slow to keep up with it all. I really love what this poem is implying. It's beautiful. Great job!!
(This was my first attempt at a non-mechanical-nitpicking review. Did I do okay?)

Happy Review day Dreamer here for a review. First off wow I loved this poem. I didn't think it made a lot of sense but at the same time it was really powerful. I saw at the beginning that you were starting to rhyme but then it seemed as though you just ditched that idea. You did fairly well on spelling and grammer, but I saw that you spelled team wrong. I don't know if you spelled it that way on purpose "...teem..." I really did enjoy this and I thought it was a great idea. I like your title it was very creative. I like your avatar too by the way. You have a lot of comments already and I only bothered to read Ruby's and I totally agree. Good Job, Good Luck, and Keep on Writing

Hi! Happy Review day! Wow, this poem is really beautiful. It's a little sad and the imagery is amazing. I really can't find anything you should change.

I really love the lines "In infinity, there's too much to see." and "whose smooth fingers deal ice-white beams."

The only thing that I didn't totally love is the title. Adding the "or Whatever" makes it a little contrary to the style of the poem. Of course, though that's totally up to you, it is your poem after all.

I really enjoyed this and can't wait to see more more works from you!

-Ruby-

Hello! I really love this poem of yours!
My favourite line is definitively ,,Or it may be the clouds I see running,
racing over the moon,''. You create vivid images in the reader's mind which is so so important especially in a poem about something as mystical as the moon... Furthermore there is nothing grammar- or typo- wise to complain about so that is a plus too!
I also love the title! The ,,I guess'' part made me click it and gives the quite romantic poem a sassy twist.

Keep up the good work,

Sophiewrites

I love this poem.
It's so beautiful, I can easily imagine what is going on.
The description/ imagery is well written and I love every single line of the poem.
I can't find anything wrong with the poem.

Everything you described, from the pearl to the moon, all of it I could easily imagine in my head.

Great job and keep on writing:D

From LLZ:)

This was really cool and I like this one, ''be out of my reach'' is a really amazing line and ''there's too much to see'' is what I like the most in this poem.

I could see the image of the moon right in my head while I was reading this. It was cool and this poem is great.

You have talent, so keep up writing poems, cause it is worth it!!

Dazzle

Beauty and love never needed a meaning. It was always just there from millennial past.
Your writing is beauty, and a meaning needless.
It is rhythmic at first but stops shortly, that's just fine because your word play invokes thought and emotion.
Every time I read it, I think of a possible image to what you're trying to portray and its fun.
All I suggest, like what I do in the other works I've read, is for it to be longer.
For a book enjoyed, should be a book endless in pages.
That's all, hope I made some sense, great poem overall.

Hey! ajruby here to review.

Now, this is one of those poems that I have a hard time with, since I don't really grasp the concept. It has beautiful words and phrases, but no real meaning, at least that I can see. I'm personally the type of person that doesn't go for just beautiful words in a poem but for the story behind it.

1. "Whatever it is, its glow sheds so warmly
on all that’s around," What exactly does it shed? That's a bit confusing.

Over all, I love the words, but there's no "spine" or structure to the poem, only little blurts of a picture. My suggestion would be to tie it together somehow. And I realize that some people love this type of poem and it may be what you're aiming for. Keep writing!

Happy review day and may the reviews be ever in your favour!

-Lady Ariana

Wow you are a pro when it comes to details. I could use some advice from you about that. You used uncommon words in all the right places. The amount of detail is just right, but an obvious experienced writer like you doesn't need another to tell you that, or anyone for that matter.
Okay about the plot of the poem; it is not really clear... Which is PERFECT! I love it when a poem's purpose is not clear, besides being made to entertain. Well done!

~The dark one

*Drops out of the sky* Boo! Guess who, here for review! (See what I did there, see that?)

So anyway, I very much liked the emotions expressed in this poem, you've put them into words very well. I also liked the vivid descriptions. I only want to say that, though I can't immediately see any any typos or grammatical mistakes, there seems to be something... off about it. I can't put it into words. Maybe it's the lack of rhythm. It normally doesn't bother me so when there isn't a rhythm, but that may be it. I see that you tried to rhyme it. Maybe that's what's wrong with your poem- maybe the rhyming is off. I'm not sure... It's rather late for me. Maybe I'm just delusional and need to go to bed. *shrugs*.

So, besides my paranoia, great overall job, and as always, keep writing! (wow, there were waaaaaay too many commas in that sentence. I think I'm going to go to bed now...)

Hi Usher!

I think this is a really lovely poem. You use some beautiful imagery and I like how you made something so written-about as the moon sound somehow new and exciting almost. My favourite bit is "and its head is crowned by soft-grained sand." That's really nice, because sand is nothing special but here it sounds special, crowning the head of the pearl. It's a lovely contrast!

In the first stanza, I don't think the last line is necessary. I didn't really see what good it did for the poem, so I felt like it might as well be left out. It somehow interrupted my reading, which isn't really that good.

"Its face is framed by glistening suns" - again, a lovely image that fits so nicely with the sand crown one. This sort of pairing reminds me of Shakespeare! It's not forced and it's not repetitive, but they go together perfectly.

One thing I would maybe avoid is using words like "silver" and "glow" when you're writing about the moon. I know it's difficult to associate much else with it, but challenge yourself! They're so easy to slip in. This poem is already fresh, but it might be even better if you didn't use words that are always used to describe the moon. Then again, you've managed to create a unique poem about the moon even when using those words, so I guess it's again a matter of judgement!

I wasn't as interested in the last stanza as I was about the rest of the poem, even though I thought it was interesting you used the word "warm" describing the moon, when it's usually called pale and cold. Interesting!

All in all, I think you did a good job!


Demeter x

Hello,nRVen here for a review on review day! First of all, I would like to complement you on the beautiful personification here, especially with how you have manipulated your words into a tapestry of vivid imagery. The very object or thing you try to deacribe here is very palpable. Also the content of this poem is rather unique, instead of a defined purpose like most poems you have made a very well attempt on describing something that is vague. I like this idea.

Next, I would like to give you some advice on your style. Please bear in mind this is only my personal opinion, I found that some of the word use in this poem somewhat redundant. Such as your use of of is in the first stanza, you can omit some of the,. Because it makes your poem seem choppy and disrupts the rhythm. The same goes with the rest of the poem, consider your word use carefully. Always try to be concise with it.

I enjoyed this poem, keep up the good job!

-Rx

Messenger here for you.

I see a pearl at the bottom of the river.
It is sleek and it shines like silver,
and its head is crowned by soft-grained sand.

But the river is running so quickly,
and the pearl is hiding so deep.
I can hardly tell its shape.

Its face is framed by glistening suns
that teem in the depths of the sky.
I look hard, but still I can’t guess its name.
In infinity, there’s too much to see.

Whatever it is, its glow sheds so warmly
on all that’s around,
and I know
it will always be out of my reach.

i was curious with the title of this poem because it had the whatever in it lol. when i read the poem i understood why the whatever was part of the title. i like your wordplay in this and the way you rearranged everything. It has a nice flow to it.
i think the first like should be shortened a tiny bit to "whatever it is, it glows so warmly" (just a suggestion). was this just a free or where you trying to place a little bit of rhyme in there? i caught a little bit but wasn't completely sure if you were or not.
it was interesting and kept me interested so good job with that keep writing and don't stop because it is good for you to keep going