Hello,
I like the collection of poems you have here... the rhymes were good and the ideas flowed somewhat smoothly to the next. I liked the first poem about the wind because reading the lines, there was a really good description of the wind and I could feel what emotions you were trying to convey. I think there is one line that is misplaced though:
The rain brought a smile top my visage
And allowed me to enjoy.
You kind of bring up this line talking about the rain out of nowhere, then go back to talking about the wind only to bring up the rain again. I would suggest just cutting out this line to make the idea of wind transitioning into rain flow more smoothly.
The second poem about the rain is also well written with shortened lines and good rhymes, but it was hard to follow along with the poem because of how fast you were jumping from one idea to the next. Specifically, you first focused on the rain and describing how it makes us feel, which was really good, but then you suddenly start talking about being in a forest with animals and creatures which is a transition that doesn't really make sense. Maybe you could try focusing more on describing the feelings any humans, creatures, whatever would have with the rain so that you really draw in your reader more to the idea of this poem.
The last two poems have a good idea, and I don't know if this was intentional, but I like how you kind of continued on from the idea of the rain to transition into the poem "Hatred". But, if the Hatred poem wasn't meant to be a continuation from the Rain poem, maybe you could describe the circumstances more of what caused this hatred or what caused this character to end up in the forest or what caused this character's thoughts and feelings to suddenly turn around in the last two lines of the poem. The last poem was the one I liked more because it's short, but I think you really did well in describing this person's feelings and being able to convey that to the readers.
Overall, these poems are well done but could use some fixing in the organization of the ideas and being able to describe and really set the scene and mood for the readers. I hope to read more of your work!
Keep Writing
Points: 7386
Reviews: 118
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