THE BOUNDARIES OF LIFE
What life is this, where peace of mind you cannot attain
in your hectic life and busy days.
Where there is less joy, more pain
And men treat men with disdain.
where people, to their own species, bring disgrace.
Where people give unhappiness to their own species
by treating each other with enmity.
Will man ever be able to acquire peace?
Oh, what a pity!
Men are fighting with their own kind
Not thinking of whom they assassinate.
Earnestly, in this hostile world you cannot have a tranquil mind.
where people deceive their own mate.
Science has done wonders today
But also has proved to be a bane.
By making nuclear weapons , innocent men have to pay
And leave their families in anguish and pain.
A world of equality God created
Still men are biased and dogmatic
Some are being discriminated
Even though their caste and religion they cannot pick.
Women, all over the world, have earned name.
Though, to get freedom, they had to struggle hard for it.
How proud our country is of their fame!
For thousands of hearts they have lit!
What life is this, where equality cannot be attained.
There is law and order, but peace cannot be maintained.
Hey, I have written a short story too.
I knew nothing of the world, but everything of its cruelty. I felt the heat of oppression before I could feel the warmth of her embrace. I discerned the viscous visages, scowling and grinning at me, before I even opened my eyes. I heard cries of my own suppressed self, brimming with mortal pain, before I could hear any praise. I witnessed the atmosphere being saturated with cries of suppression and laughs of domination.
I was given a compartment of melancholy darkness to reside in. There, the lights were faded and the candles were blown off; there was no hand to grasp and no arm to clutch. The will to live in pain, gradually, perished.
The cloud of desolation which overshadowed me with such a fatal darkness was never pierced by the merry light within me. And I died before I was born. (Female foeticide)
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139,299 Literary Works • 672,525 Reviews
Hello, FlamingPhoneix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room.
Okay let's get started.
So I couldn't see anything wrong with this work, I thought everything was done to perfection. And if I wanted to write this better I don't think i could, that's how good it is.
Okay I thought the message behind this was very clear and well thought out, and it does happen to a lot of people out there. I no I have felt this one quite a few times in my life.
I like how you have written this out, it is almost like a poem, but it's a clear message, but I really like the bit at the bottom of the page that was a good touch. And I agree with everything you have said here.
Now I would like to say that your punctuation was all in the right places, and it gave this work the perfect flow, it just ran together wonderfully, and I also love the choice of words here, it fit's together really well. And a few of them rimed together hear and there.
It was also like you were telling us a story with the way you have written this, and I liked that.
The emotions were strong in here, and that helped me connect to what you had written here better, it also helped me understand what you are feeling. So that was really well done.
Well that's all form me for now. I'm glad I had a chance to come read and review your work, I do hope you will keep writing amazing works, and post on YWS soon, because I can't wait to see what you will come up with next. Have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Thank you FlamingPhoenix........ I'm glad you reviewed.
Both pieces are so beautiful and emotional. They both really hit you with the desperate state our society is in, and the pain and anguish one must suffer to survive. In the first piece, I was very impressed by the words you managed to use in the rhyme scheme, and how those words naturally fit into their own lines, as well as linking with the others. In your second piece, the pain washes over the reader as they suffer alongside the narrator, waiting to see when the pain will stop and they will finally be released. Beautiful job on both of them, and I can’t wait to read more of your work!
Thank you for the review....will soon post more