Young Writers Society

Hello, FlamingPhoneix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's get started.

So I couldn't see anything wrong with this work, I thought everything was done to perfection. And if I wanted to write this better I don't think i could, that's how good it is.

Okay I thought the message behind this was very clear and well thought out, and it does happen to a lot of people out there. I no I have felt this one quite a few times in my life.
I like how you have written this out, it is almost like a poem, but it's a clear message, but I really like the bit at the bottom of the page that was a good touch. And I agree with everything you have said here.
Now I would like to say that your punctuation was all in the right places, and it gave this work the perfect flow, it just ran together wonderfully, and I also love the choice of words here, it fit's together really well. And a few of them rimed together hear and there.
It was also like you were telling us a story with the way you have written this, and I liked that.
The emotions were strong in here, and that helped me connect to what you had written here better, it also helped me understand what you are feeling. So that was really well done.

Well that's all form me for now. I'm glad I had a chance to come read and review your work, I do hope you will keep writing amazing works, and post on YWS soon, because I can't wait to see what you will come up with next. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Both pieces are so beautiful and emotional. They both really hit you with the desperate state our society is in, and the pain and anguish one must suffer to survive. In the first piece, I was very impressed by the words you managed to use in the rhyme scheme, and how those words naturally fit into their own lines, as well as linking with the others. In your second piece, the pain washes over the reader as they suffer alongside the narrator, waiting to see when the pain will stop and they will finally be released. Beautiful job on both of them, and I can’t wait to read more of your work!