The bird in the tree.

Other than some grammar issues, I would use a thesarus (I spelled that wrong, I think) for parts of it, but other wise, that was good.

I liked the picture you created, its beautiful. The only repetition that bothered me was the word "sorrow" . Its a good first attempt, i think the title needs work though. It doesnt reflect the mood of the poem in any way.

It wasn't so much the repetition itself that bothered me as the fact that you ended three lines with "sorrow." Also, there was a lot of straight-up description here, maybe use some more emotional words, something that gives the reader more a sense of what's going on rather than being able to see what's going on. Sorry if that makes no sense. Oh, yeah, and please do put spaces after your commas darling.

Lovery poem, just need a bit of polish!

I disagree with Ofour, I didn't think it sounded awkward atall, I liked this piece in all honesty.

Call me stupid but I didn't notice the repetition...so I guess it didn't bother me oops lol!

Anyway, I think this is good, not awakward or too repetative, its goodo!

Meevs
xx

A lot of repeating. But the overall story was good. I liked it.

I wouldn't keep going back and forth between the poem's narrator and the bird. I would focus on the bird and then try to give it anthropomorphic characteristics.

Some of things you try to describe are rather cliched. For example, what is the significance of "grains of sand" or " a white, uncaring moon"?

It didn't sound fluent, it sounded awkward.

well,I did mean to repeat them...it was that sort of thing.

Okay, I have nothing to say (I don't critique poetry, just don't get it) that you should add a space after every comma.

Cheers,

elein

You repeat bird, song, heavy, breaking, white, uncaring, moon, sorrow, white (again), uncaring (again) and moon (again).
Buy a thesaurus and "perpetuable" is not a word, try "perpetual".
Apart from all that the idea was quite good but it needs work.