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Pen Pricks

by Tuckster


Pen Pricks

Pen pricks
Against my veins
Pen pricks
Against my brain

Pen pricks
Scratch the page
Pen pricks
Shake my cage

Pen pricks
Become silly, inane
Pen pricks
Slowly drive me insane

Pen pricks
Were once my release
Pen pricks
Are now my disease


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User avatar
26 Reviews


Points: 2580
Reviews: 26

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Tue May 19, 2020 4:29 am
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AtlasW wrote a review...



Hi, Tuckster! Atlas here to give your poem, Pen Pricks a quick review. All of my statements are mere suggestions, so feel free to completely disregard them if you'd like. On to the review!

I really like this piece. It's short and sweet, but it manages to effectively deliver it's purpose. I absolutely loved the flow of the poem, as well.

As for grammar and syntax, I couldn't find any glaring issues. Great job!

The only real issue I had with this piece is I struggled with the repetition of the phrase "pen pricks." The repetition messed with my brain a little, and by the second read through, I was seeing "pin pricks" instead of "pen pricks." I don't think you should change anything though, because I feel the repetition is an integral aspect of the poem.

Again, you did a wonderful job on this piece! I loved everything about it.

Thanks again, and keep writing!
~Atlas




Tuckster says...


Thanks so much for the review!



User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 88
Reviews: 11

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Sun May 10, 2020 4:13 pm
zc927 says...



I really like how the repetition of "Pen pricks", as well as the rhyming scheme, accentuates the rhythm of this poem.

The poem is simple, but powerful, and I think you did a great job capturing the essence of your emotion. The use of powerful language like "inane, insane, and disease" really pull through on the less is more feel. (I hope that makes sense)

Great job!




User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 88
Reviews: 11

Donate
Sun May 10, 2020 4:13 pm
View Likes
zc927 wrote a review...



I really like how the repetition of "Pen pricks", as well as the rhyming scheme, accentuates the rhythm of this poem.

The poem is simple, but powerful, and I think you did a great job capturing the essence of your emotion. The use of powerful language like "inane, insane, and disease" really pull through on the less is more feel. (I hope that makes sense)

Great job!





It is a happiness to wonder; it is a happiness to dream.
— Edgar Allan Poe