Words and letters
That you will never read,
And I won’t even say who you are.
If I were honest or brave I would tell you,
Instead, I continue to pretend
That I don’t have these feelings, or that you might feel the same,
Secretly, like me, and that someday
You will turn around and I will know,
Because something has changed
The way that you say my name.
.
Walking side-by-side
In the crowded, noisy hallway,
Not talking, you aren’t even aware
That I am nearby.
Perhaps, from a stranger’s distance,
We might look more familiar,
Like friends or a couple.
Then I catch the reflection and think:
What is so wrong with this picture?
Why can’t it be true,
Why can’t you be mine?
.
It would be easier, I think,
Without this soft heartache,
The longing, the wanting
All for you, to the point where it hurts.
Ever present, ever conscious
Of the feelings you don’t know I possess.
How on Earth haven’t you seen?
I feel as though I’m engulfed
By this state of yearning,
But I can’t let go of how I feel about you,
And I can’t imagine feeling any other way.
.
I can’t get you out of my head
Even though I gave you no invitation
And you did nothing to warrant such a stay.
You gave me a smile,
But scarcely a glance. You make my heart skip a beat
And all those other, stupid, foolish clichés.
It’s a crush. That’s all it is. We aren’t star-crossed lovers
Who are destined to be together.
And someday my feelings will fade away,
But I can’t bring myself to believe it,
Because right now it feels like we’re meant to be.
.
Words and letters
That you will never read,
And I won’t even say who you are.
If I were honest or brave I would tell you,
Instead, I continue to pretend
That I don’t have these feelings, or that you might feel the same,
Secretly, like me, and that someday
You will turn around and I will know,
Because something has changed
The way that you say my name.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Marvelous. Some of these lines are so poetic, and others just strike as amazingly true. Another think I particularly like is the way that you point out cliches in your own writing, and consider that it is probably a crush.
As a piece of advice, when repeating a verse at the end it is nice to change something meaningful, like turning it from past tense to present tense.
My favorite line was "Secretly, like me, and that someday",because it is the pinicle of your message.
Keep up the good work, and write more poems,
Take That You Fiend!
Thank you very much! Your review's actually come at a good time, because I've been contemplating writing poetry again.
Thanks again!
hey! this really relates to me right now, where I can't bring myself to say no to something so undeserving yet so present. Keep it up, you really embodied thoughts every young person has once felt. Keep writing!!
Thank you!
Hi TRtisara, Dream here with review on your poem. First of all, Happy Review Day!
I like the diction you use, because it really affects the tone of voice and mood in the poem necessarily dealing with the relationship ending with a broken heart. It's like an expression of feelings being struck the poet, and extensive use of repetition can actually be cut because of the impact less prominent. The punctuation also need some improvement especially the first stanza. But it is okay, I often face this problem too!
However, there are parts that are really exciting me. It makes me impressed with it.
It certainly can be cut and leave it short but effective to 'threatening' feelings / emotions when readers read it. Overall, I see the potential here! You sure have a talent
Keep it up! Kudos,cheers.
Ok you did real good in my opinion. Like in all works there will be haters. When you come across them make it your motivator to prove them wrong you are better than how they say. I do that it improved my writing hope it will improve yours if you do this. But still nonetheless you have a talent just improve keep your inspiration and you become twice as good.
Hey there! Nice job with this one. Here's a review for you.
I really like the narrative voice in this poem as well as the narrators point of view and mindset. A crush is something we've all felt, and I thought this poem did a very nice job of putting those familiar feelings of affection and nervousness into words. The syntax was quite nice. Simplistic, but elegant. This felt like something that a teen girl would scribble down afterschool after a day of sideways glances from her crush. I love the dynamic of the narrator who "won't even say who [they] are." This phrase along with some of the others contribute nicely to the mild pessimism that comes with a crush on someone. What I particularly found interesting was the way you described the relationship between the narrator and their person of interest. They probably don't know each other very well and seem more like acquaintances than friends. My favorite part is the fourth stanza because it's almost like the narrator is having an introspective experience where they want to let go of their crush, but thy realize that they can't shake these feelings. Right in the feels.
While your discourse and your premise are amazing the only thing I'd criticize is you punctuation. You seem to have some commas where you don't need them and there's some empty spaces at the ends of lines that need punctuation. But let's be real, I'm more of an idea guy and less of a structure guy myself when it comes to writing, so I wouldn't think anything I it. Overall, nice job!
-GL24