Speaking With Anxiety

Hi Toto, I like your poem first of all, second I would like to give you some tips which I think will be helpful to you. One the last stanza stood out to me the most "Still he asks... What if?
I think you got the punctuation a little wrong it should be "Still he asks... 'What if'?" which is almost the same thing but just a heads up, and last but not least "There is a weight upon my chest, one which the mighty Atlas could only carry" I think you should put "There is a weight upon my chest, one which only the mighty Atlas could carry," that way it doesn't look like he can only carry that one weight. Keep it up though!

I.
Am.
Batman.

Heyo, xJ here for a review.

So, I do appreciate the depth and creativity of this poem. I also like that It's original, not a common subject. Okayyy, and also great symbolism and stuff. Good, yeah. Let's take this line by line.

Line 1: "There is a weight upon my chest, one which the mighty Atlas could only carry" I was confused about the Atlas part, since I read the whole poem it doesn't have much to do with an atlas. Anyway.

Line 2: "It's darkness is undaunted and it's hook-like talons sharp as knives." Put an are between talons and sharp. At the least, this line seems like a run-on sentence without any pauses.

Line 3: "Scratching at my breast, this creature and I know each other well. He speaks to me in questions. Questions to which I have no answer, constantly assailing my ears. What if? What if? What if?" Scratching at your breast was not needed, as well as you and the creature knowing eachother well. If you leave us hanging without telling use how you know this creature, then we (your audience) gets confused. Good use of the word "assailing" though! ^.^

Line 4: "He is no friend or enemy of mine. A malignant blight upon my mind. He whispers his questions, demanding an answer." The first sentence was not really needed. Nice use of "malignant" and "blight," very nice.

Line 5: "My breath catches in my throat and my palms begin to sweat. Nauseous, dizzy... He begins to feed. Raising my pulse, pulling the air out of my lungs, he revels in the panic I so easily give." Instead of the string of dots, you only need one. Otherwise, great line!

Line 6: "Still he asks... What if?" Ya nailed that ending, bud. I liked the depth of this poem. Keep writing! c:

May your travels through space and time be merry,

-xJ ❤︎

Hi, so i really like this poem! I felt that it reads quite well, and the use of repetition helps to bring out the emotion in the poem, which is the essence of poetry i suppose.
You also use some pretty good images to capture the anxiety and fear, and i particularly like the image of the "hook like talons", it really helps to bring the poem alive.
I was pretty impressed reading this, you develop a relatable theme and i hope to read more. Well done

Hey @Toto25! I'm here for a review.

(Because you haven't posted in a while, I will try to be kind )

I really liked the overarching theme here, anxiety. It's definitely something that a lot of people can relate to and it makes it easy to understand.
Unfortunately there were some stanzas that I had to re-read, I think it was because of all the fragments. Now, I know this is a poem, not an essay, so different rules apply here... The one sentence fragment that was bugging me was "Constantly assailing my ears." Maybe it's just me, but I would change it to "Questions to which I have no answer, constantly assailing my ears."

In that sentence, it makes it sound like the questions are assailing you, which works, but if you want it to sound like the beast is "assailing", then you could make some changes there.

Having written some poems myself, I LOVE using periods to create that tempo and that beat. But you have to make sure that when you do it, the fragments (which are okay most of the time) make sense.

A fragment in a poem is OK, it just has to make sense, and not leave the reader wondering what it meant.

I hope I wasn't confusing...! I think this is a great poem, and you should definitely keep writing