z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Forgotten Heroes

by Toboldlygo


April is the month of the military child. This work is dedicated to the military brats who are old enough to actually understand the dangers associated with military life and feel the stress of deployment, but are considered "too old" to get the public sympathy and support.

Trampolines and games,
Face painting, bubbles, and chalk,
Popcorn and soda,
Cookies, cake, ice cream, and more.
You have to wonder,
Am I now the only one,
Who is older than sixteen?

Once upon a time,
Back when I was very young,
There were people here,
People who cared about me,
Saying "You poor thing,"
They understood the struggle,
Your dad is away deployed.

But they all forget
The brat who is over five.
You are now too old
Why should they remember you?
Why are you still here?
It is time for dad to go
Get a civilian job.

When you are not cute
When you are not a picture
Plastered on the wall
You don't warm the heart With videos on Facebook
Of your hero dad come home.

This is not for you
Your time now is come and gone
Grow up and get out
Why should you still need us now?
"It's hard when you're young,"
They say when you are too old.
But really what do they know?

What they fail to grasp
Is that the older you are
The more you can hear.
You've begun to understand
What it means to have
Nuclear missiles pointing
Directly at your own dad.

The absence hurts more
The separation harder
When you are little
You learn to adjust to life
But after you grow
That is when you understand
The extent of the danger.

For the older brats
Life does not just keep going
It is much harder
To adjust to the absence
Always remember
Life has not stopped forever
To keep maintaining courage

Remember those brats
Who are older than the rest
Teenage years are hard
Harder still is life for us
Facing deployment
The danger, distance, and more
Is hardest for the oldest.

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386 Reviews

Points: 27684
Reviews: 386

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Wed May 01, 2019 8:33 am
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Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @Toboldlygo i am here to do a maybe quick review on your work here,

What are the really nice things about it

I feel like this poem is kind of telling a story, in a really nice way, also just like @FlamingPhoenix said I about the opening of the poem I really liked that to it was a grate way to start it of, I like all of it.

What lines were really nice

Trampolines and games,
Face painting, bubbles, and chalk,
Popcorn and soda,
Cookies, cake, ice cream, and more.
You have to wonder,
Am I now the only one,
Who is older than sixteen?

This was I lovely way to start the hole thing out I was really happy reading these lines here.

But they all forget
The brat who is over five.
You are now too old
Why should they remember you?
Why are you still here?
It is time for dad to go
Get a civilian job.

This is just a line that is so sad, it was heart braking to read this bit, for it seams like something that mite happen your older then five or six.

So this is all that I can say, So keep up the good poem writing your grate at it. :D

@EagleFly Out To Seek And Kill




Toboldlygo says...


Thank you so much! :)



Dossereana says...


Your welcome. :D



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616 Reviews

Points: 122417
Reviews: 616

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Wed May 01, 2019 8:06 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello. FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on your work on this lovely day, and to try and help get this out the green room.

Let's start.

First off I couldn't see anything wrong with this poem, and I thought it was written really well. And I loved everything about it. I'll start explaining why now.

The first thing I really liked is the name you chose for this poem. It has so much emotion in it, and it just seemed to call out to me, to come and read your poem. And I'm really glad I did, and you know it's good that your name it able to bring people in. So keep up the great work.

the next thing I love most bout this is the way you have written this poem. I have know idea how you did it, but I know it was done really well. There was so much emotion in this. And it was like you were telling a story. I like love the opening.


Trampolines and games,
Face painting, bubbles, and chalk,
Popcorn and soda,
Cookies, cake, ice cream, and more.
You have to wonder,
Am I now the only one,
Who is older than sixteen?

This was just such a good way to open up the poem, this part if just stacked with emotion, and I new this was going to be sad. This part is like your telling the reader of the happy times before you start to explain what happened. This was just amazing.
I also loved the ending. It was just a great way to end things and let your reader know that the story has come to an end. And even after I have finished reading this, it is still lingering in my head, and that is what you want. So great job.

Another thing I saw that is really good, is your spelling and punctuation, everything is perfect there for making it a smooth easy read.

As you call tell from what I have been saying this is really well written and I just loved reading and reviewing it for you. I hope you will keep writing amazing works, and post again on YWS soon. I hope you have an amazing day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




Toboldlygo says...


Thank you so much for the review! :)





Your welcome! :D



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28 Reviews

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Reviews: 28

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Wed May 01, 2019 7:38 am
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Leviari wrote a review...



Hi! Such a beautiful poem!
It's very interesting to read about war from another perspective, like from a son and daughter. War impacts everyone's life, even those who are waiting home and I feel like we should consider that more. So thank you for this insight! In this poem you placed your focus on how people around you treat you and it's interesting to see the shift in their worries as you grow up.

Your poem is beautifully written e very carefully constructed. Well done and thank you for sharing it with us!




Toboldlygo says...


Thank you for reviewing and for your kind words. :) April is the month of the military child, so I was hoping to show how, as military kids grow up, people stop supporting them and instead focus on putting games out for the little kids. As a lifelong military brat, I can testify that the hardest deployment was when I was six and the hardest was as a teenager (and the little kid deployment was the longest!). The older you get, the more understanding of the danger you have, and the harder it becomes to adjust to missing a family member. At the same time, you have less and less support from the community, in part because there are more little kids than older kids in the military and also because it's easier to feel sorry for the cute little kid than the big kids. It sounds like at least some of this came across. Thank you for reviewing it!



Leviari says...


yes it definitely came across! Stay strong x



Toboldlygo says...


Whoops I meant easiest was when I was six. haha thanks :)




When one is highly alert to language, then nearly everything begs to be a poem.
— James Tate