the Edge of love

Hiya!

So this definitely has an awesome concept to it, and the voice behind it is so human, gentle, and simple. I like the tone very much.

I think one thing about it that I'm not as big of a fan of is the beginning metaphor of the cliff. Is the cliff a metaphor for love? Being afraid to dive into love in case you drown? That could make sense, and you need your feelings to be reciprocated which is why you need someone else with you. At first I was confused about how you could be in love all by yourself in the first place.
Anyway, I just don't think I was a fan about how much of this is metaphorical without ever expressly saying so. It's quite an extended metaphor. But this thing isn't terrible enough to ditch the whole poem. Nothing here is that terrible. It's a good poem.

The beginning was a little long and wordy though. I think you could effectively shorten it by a lot.

Also be wary of cliches. Talking about love this dramatically in my opinion is almost always cliche, but that's probably just because I'm an old curmudgeon who has never really experienced it.

The ending made me smile c:

That's pretty much what I have! Let me know if you have any questions.
Keep writing!
~fortis

I like your poem. It is simple and sweet. The part at the end where you mention anatomy, seems jarring. It doesn't seem to fit with everything else. I like the overall simplicity. It is a calming contradiction to the content.

This reminds me of something I had once said to my girlfriend... I had told her, just before we were in a relationship, that I was on the precipice of love and that as brilliant as the view was, I was afraid to fall. I think its just amazing that you had written this, and it really touched my heart. I hope all goes well with you in this love battle.

As for critiquing, in the fourth line I do think you meant dazzling rather than dasling. Other than that, I don't think I'd want to change anything. I love the way you have it, with little grammar or punctuation and not even capitalizing the first of each line. It really helps show that this isn't something that's just for looks, it has special meaning in it.

Excellent work! I really love this poem, and I hope to see more of it! You have talent, so keep writing!

Hi there, Tobiah!

Kay here for a review.

Okay, so first of all, I love your theme-LOVE!!!!!!
It seems like that you are writing this poem out of experience. LOL.
Anyways, to be honest, I kind of found this poem to be a little vague. I think a bit more detail and ironing out, shall do the trick.

At most places, the title and the lines of the poem did not correspond. I just really hope you gave a bit more detail because i really, really love your idea. I totally get your intention for writing this poem but my advice would be for you to dig deeper inside your heart. Get that emotion out. I know you can!

Overall I really liked your poem.

That's all for now. Hope to see more of your literary work.
Good luck!

the whole poem is a fab. he ending is actually a truth that is everyone has to wait for true luv that too so true as to die with him with a smile.the way u pesented the poem in a way of asking questions as u did there asking that were not threh be sharp rocks to pierce ur back and kill u . that part has rigth amount of emotions required. the next thing is have u compared luv to a sea and true love a deeped emotion as the bottom of the sea, next r u a romanic writer who potrays the sadness of separation asd me.