E - Everyone

​Muster Heroes – QuickSave 3

Knowledge brings power! Welcome to Boil Harbor!

“There are Six Classes available for the Humanoids in Muster Heroes.

The Warrior Class, which focuses in the use of various weaponry and forms of traditional combat.

The Mage Class, which focuses on the use of magical abilities and bending of the laws of nature.

The Technocrat Class, which focuses on the use of technological wonders.

The Anthrofys Class, which focuses on the use of Mother Nature's powers.

The Mystic Class, which focuses on the use of paranormal and supernatural skills.

And finally the Exogin Class, which focuses on the use of skills obtained from various mutations and strange experiments.

There are 24 Styles, four per Class, or rather, four Styles linked to the Classes they're inspired from.”

Lionel Raikanj, during a presentation of Muster Heroes.

“Okay everyone, listen up!”

The ten players scattered around the Noah's Saloon gazed at their Mentor, who had once again placed himself at the center of the ship.

“Just letting you know that we'll be arriving at the Citadel of Ire in a few minutes."  Ferrust continued. "I'm also letting you know that whatever happens, we won't be exploring the actual citadel...” Sly smile. “...Though us being able to actually reach the fortified place is all up to you.”

“What do you mean, Mr.Rusty?!” Kamikaz immediately asked, curious.

“Well, before going to the Citadel of Ire, we need to stop by Boil Harbor, then cross the Chimerical Plains. And of course, we'll have to do it on foot. Oh, and I should probably mention that the plains are protected by a witch – yes, the first boss you'll have to fight – who doesn't want anyone of us inside of the Citadel. And since she can summon minions, cast various spells and change the shape of the plains from a beautiful green expanse to an icy field or a desert, you might just want to use those last minutes to come up with a plan. 'Cause I'm not helping any of you for this one.”

J slowly turned her masked head towards the Mentor. “And you didn't tell us before because…?”

Ferrust gazed at her, still smiling. “Why would your teacher ever tell you the solutions of a school test before said test takes place?”

“...That's fair.”

“Of course it is. That, and it'll be fun to see how you'll handle this mission. So, off you go! Begin the plotting sequence! I'll notify you when we've arrived.” The mentor sat at the edge of the ship, arms crossed behind his head. The ten players sat in a circle and began coming up with a plan.

“So,” Yatsu said, slightly uneasy. “Apparently we've got a plain to cross, and a witch boss that will mess around with us during the whole run. Any ideas?”

Fulguro raised his hand. “I think the first thing we should do is checking if we don't have any way to get some resources on that harbor we'll have to stop by. The disabled SP Gauge was only during the Saloon Brawl, so now we'll be much more limited than before.”

TriggerZ also raised his hand, following Fulguro's example. “Totally agree,” he approved. “I also think we should try and talk to as much NPCs as we can. If there are any, some of the info they'll tell us might come in handy. Then, we need a plan, but I ain't no strategist, so… Anyone up for that job?”

Exceedjinn and Mettrick immediately raised their hands, looking at each other with evident surprise.

“Ah!” Kamikaz exclaimed. “I guess we're gonna have to vote!”

“No need,” Morkant intervened. “We're ten players, so we've got enough room for two strategists. Both of you already figured out a plan, I suppose." 

Exceedjinn gestured towards Mettrick. “By all means. The youngest should go first.”

The boy frowned. “Please. I'm not a kid, and this isn't about age. It's about wits and gaming experience. Go first. I'll follow the example.”

Exceedjinn raised an eyebrow but spoke anyway. “Alright, then. First and foremost, players, I suggest that we all move in a grouped formation, for we do not know exactly what dangers lie ahead of us. Being a Mystic Class and Enchanter Style player, I have an enormous amount of SPs as well as several area effect Skills that can hinder our enemies and boost your stats. Furthermore, I've developed a unique form of combat, which I affectionately like to refer to as Bullet Hell. Essentially, I can cast wave after wave of low-damaging spells to inflict high amounts of damage in a row, and in an extremely rapid fashion, which allows me to dispose of enemies rather quickly. Faster than an Elementalist, if I pull it off well.”

Fulguro frowned, incredulous. An Enchanter? Disposing of enemies faster than Elementalists, who were able to summon meteors, hurricanes or tidal waves? It was hard to believe.

“Um, I can attest of its effectiveness,” Sheenobi intervened. “I had to fight against it during most of the Saloon Brawl, and it was… something.”

“Thank you. And no hard feelings, I hope. At any rate, I also suggest that our formation should be organized in the following fashion: the players with the highest movement speed among us should be at the edge of the formation, able to move at any angle to spot and dispose of enemies. They should also be covered by those among us who have both offensive and defensive skills, in case of trouble. Finally, the central layer of our formation should be composed of supporting players such as I, who can give away SPs and, as I previously stated, hinder enemies or empower allies. “

Exceedjinn moved his finger and looked at his classmates, trying to remember their character status. “Sheenobi, being a Summoner, can also provide such useful help to any member of our group, and TriggerZ, being a Marksman, can shoot any enemy while being safely defended by the speedy players of the outer layer of the formation. Therefore, we would all cover each other while advancing in a secured and steady squad. That is my plan.”

Everyone nodded, understanding the nature of Exceedjinn's idea. A bulky, powerful and organized fortress of players. 

“I think this plan's pretty good,” Mettrick intervened, nodding like the others. “I really like how organized it is, it's like a human tank. There's only one thing that bugs me though: what about the field hazards?”

The boy crossed his arms and stared at the ground, heavily focused. “I mean… since we're all stuck together, we can deal with pretty much any enemy without problem, but we don't know what kind of field hazards and traps we'll have to face, and many of them could break this tank formation of yours, while the waves of enemies kill us off one by one whenever we're separated. I feel like your plan doesn't have anything against that.”

“Hmm…" Exceedjinn nodded slowly. "I understand your worries. However, I still believe that we should be able to deal with any situation as a group, and we've all proven that even individually, we're capable of defending ourselves. But if you have an alternative, do share it.”

Mettrick took a deep breath. “Ok, so here's my plan,” he began. “First off, I feel like having the high movement speed players all around us would be a limitation for them. I'd rather send them in the front lines as scouts. Since we can all instantly communicate with each other – 'cause we're officially in the same class – they can tell everyone what traps or enemies we'll have to deal with, as they'll trigger everything first. Um, lemme check something real quick...”

Mettrick took a moment to read everyone's character status while whispering to himself. “Ok, I'm good,” he continued. “So, I suggest a divided formation. A first front would be composed of the scouts who can deal with hazards and tell us about them. Kaz, Fulguro, Yatsu and J would be our scouts. Then, we'd have a middle front composed of players like me, Morkant and TriggerZ, 'cause all three of us have decent movement speed and skills that can cover both the scouts and the rear front, offensively and defensively. Finally, the rear front would be composed of Exceedjinn, Sheenobi, and Diabolsaur. The first reason is because all three of you will be provided with all the info about what lies ahead of you, so you'll have all the time to set up your support and super powerful area effects to assist the middle front – and the scouts, should they ever need to fall back and enjoy the support too. The second reason is that all three of you have the best area effects, so if you reach the boss in last, you'll be the ones to finish the work.”

“But how will the scouts be protected if both the middle front and rear front are cut off from them due to an enemy hazard?” Exceedjinn enquired.

Every head turned to Mettrick. The exposition of schemes had almost turned into some kind of stressful verbal joust.

“From what I just checked,” Mettrick countered, “Yatsu here has a few area effects and healing skills, so the scouts will still have some support even if they're alone. They can also dodge pretty much anything with their speed or come back to us if we're in trouble. And before you ask, the middle and rear fronts will be fine too, since Sheenobi has healing summons, I can pull off a few barriers, so can Diabolsaur, and you, Exceedjinn, can support us all, or use that Bullet Hell thing to dispose of major threats. After all, you kill faster than an Elementalist, apparently.”

The skeptical Enchanter nodded, impassive. Fulguro took a quick glance at Mettrick, impressed by his performance. Thirteen years old, and already able to come up with such ideas in a matter of minutes. What games had he played to become so competent?

“Personally, I think we should try Mettrick's strategy first," Yatsu commented. "It's a better way to deal with ridiculous field hazards, like cyclones, or something. Are we voting or something, by the way? I... don't see any way to combine these strategies, if we have to move fast.”

Fulguro smiled and raised his hand in favor of Mettrick as well. So did Kamikaz, Morkant and J. After some hesitation, TriggerZ raised his hand as well.

“I still think Exceedjinn's human tank thing is a good idea,” Mettrick added, “so if we fail, we'll definitely have to try something like that.”

“No need for courtesy,” the Enchanter replied. “I'd rather hope we don't fail at all. Besides, I hadn't thought much about the field hazards, so, I understand. Your plan is good as well, Mettrick. Let us hope it will work.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“So,” Kamikaz interrupted, “is this the part where we all put our hands on top of each other's and be like 'friends forever'?”

The nine other players stared at her. She stared back at everyone. “...Did I at least lightened up the mood?”

“No,” Mettrick replied for everyone. “You just made it awkward. Like pretty much everything you ever do, to be fair.”

“Eh...” she shrugged. “Sad but true. Seriously though, you guys are being way too tense about this. It's our first mission together, so it's probably not going to go perfectly. Let's just kick that witch's butt, and if we fail, round up next week! We'll got loads of other schemes to come up with!”

“Well, I can agree to that,” Fulguro admitted, “but it would still be a shame if we messed up our very first assignment. That's kinda why I'm stressed, personally.”

Kamikaz gave him a sharp gaze. A smile made its way on her face. “Stop being afraid of failing!" she declared with determination. “We're in school, right? Well here's how it goes: ace the mission! And if you miss, get ready for the next one, ace it, then laugh at your previous failure!”

Mettrick stared at her, speechless.

“You know,” Ferrust suddenly interrupted, surprising the group, "as much as I agree with what you just said, Miss Kazia, most of the classes we've had so far failed their first assignment because they weren't prepared enough, or simply because they couldn't deal with it properly. Bonus points for trying to boost the morale, but they do have good reasons to feel stressed Not saying that you should follow their example, though. Oh, and we're here, by the way.”

******


“C'mon, Mr.Rusty! Just a tiny bit more, and…!”

The Noah's Saloon has successfully been docked!

Along with Kamikaz, Diabolsaur and TriggerZ cheered for their mentor. Ferrust appeared at the front of the ship, his armor reflecting the light of the sun above the cloudless sky. He jumped to join his pupils on the wooden dock.

“Thank you, you're too kind,” he said sarcastically to the cheering players. “We finally made it, people! Welcome to Boil Harbor!”

The ten players turned back and gazed at the new area they had reached. In front of them was displayed a vast harbor with several vessels already docked to it. Although some of them appeared to be sailing ships, others bore a black flag, confirming their status as pirate ships. People were moving about on the bridge-like structure, and groups of them were leaving to reach the coast, on which a small town could be seen. The wind rose, toying with the various sails of the harbor and gently tickling the faces of the players or gracefully move their attires. For several minutes, they could do nothing else but enjoy the view, watching as people around them chatted.

“I bet some of you forgot that this is a virtual world, huh?” Ferrust said, grinning.

“Shh!” Kamikaz exclaimed. “Don't remind us, we're trying to spot the seagulls!”

“Definitely better than my school...” Sheenobi muttered to herself.

“I think I might take some snapshots and send them to my parents,” Mettrick added, giggling. “I'll name the album: 'Inside a stupid video game.'”

Several classmates giggled along, while others smiled in approval.

“So, what do we do now?” Fulguro asked Ferrust, trying to divert his attention from the beautiful place.

“Do what you planned!” the latter answered, his smile slightly more dastardly. “I'm going to stay here and guard the ship while you pupils will explore the place and eventually find a way to the Chimerical Plains. Once you've done that, contact me to confirm that you're doing the mission, and you'll be good to go. By the way – and I'm not saying this to jinx you – if you fail, you're directly teleported back to the Noah's Saloon, so don't worry with the checkpoints, I've got that part covered. Happy exploration!” Ferrust waved his oversized hand and a green light surrounded him. He disappeared and was transported back on the Noah's Saloon.

An awkward silence followed the mentor's declaration, and the ten players once again found themselves left to their own devices.

“Let's talk to some NPCs,” Fulguro suggested. “We have no idea where we are and where to go, so it's best to ask for information about this place.”

“I have a better idea,” Mettrick intervened. "Let's split the exploration of the Boil Harbor. Five of us talk to NPCs inside and outside buildings, and the five others gather info without doing that, by exploring the town.”

“No alternative nor objection from me this time,” Exceedjinn assured, “as I do not see why we would waste time moving as a bulky group without any true dangers around us.”

Mettrick nodded. “So, who's coming with–”

A huge grin enlightening her face, Kamikaz immediately placed herself right next to the boy, forcefully invading his personal space. Mettrick sighed, unsurprised. Fulguro raised his hand and joined Mettrick, soon followed by Yatsu and, to their surprise, J.

“So, me, Kaz, Fulguro, Yatsu, and J will be talkin' to people,” Mettrick said.

“And me, Sheenobi, Diabolsaur, TriggerZ, and Morkant will be exploring every part of Boil Harbor,” Exceedjinn concluded. “If we find any valuable information, we can communicate them to each other. Good luck, Mettrick.”

“You too, Exceed!”

The Enchanter nodded and left with his group, disappearing in the bulk of the crowd.

“Well then, strategist,” Fulguro exclaimed, smiling, “looks like we should follow the movement.” Joining words with action, the Cyber Mage walked towards a sailor passing by. “Hey, there mister!” Fulguro said to him. “Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like some information about this place, please.”

“Hi!” the Non-Player Character exclaimed in return, smiling. “Yes, I can tell from your clothes that you're not from here. Well, welcome to Boil Harbor! What do you want to know?”

“Um, I'd like to know about the Chimerical Plains, please. My friends and I would like to go there, but we're not sure where we should go to even reach them.”

“The Chimerical Plains? Hmm. You can reach them by walking straight from the docks to the edge of the town. But I wouldn't advise going there, it's quite dangerous.”

“Yeah, we know,” Fulguro assured, “but we're explorers. It's kind of our job to put ourselves in dangerous situations.”

“Explorers, eh? I see. Well then, people here usually don't have much information about the Plains, so you can always go to McBernic's to get yourself prepared.” The sailor turned back and pointed at the first construction out of the docks. It was a house-sized tavern, made with some bulky wooden material, and an equally wooden roof decorated with golden yellow straw. Above the front door, a sign had the title McBernic's Tavern written on it. “They know pretty much everything about Boil Harbor and the Citadel of Ire,” the sailor concluded. “So that's definitely one place you'd need to check if you want to explore the Chimerical Plains.”

Fulguro nodded, smiling. “Thanks a ton, mister. I'll be sure to go there.”

“Ya welcome! Good luck with your exploration.”

With that, the sailor waved and went on his way. Fulguro turned back, eyes widened.

“Somebody give that NPC an award!” Kamikaz commented, impressed.

“I know right?!” Fulguro exclaimed, still incredulous. “That guy was easily the best NPC I had ever talked to. I really hope they're all like that, I really don't want to talk to twenty people with only three giving me bits of info I want.”

“Yeah, this guy pretty much told us everything we needed,” Yatsu added. "Guess that makes it easier."

The group climbed up the stairs leading out of the docks and went straight for McBernic's Tavern.

“Gotta admire the placement of that thing,” Yatsu commented. “First construction out of the docks, and we can already make sure to know everything about Boil Harbor and beyond.”

“It probably won't be as easy when we enter the Citadel, though,” Fulguro warned.

“Yeah, I guess. We'll see.”

“I SAID: GET OUT!”

A terrified scream followed the angry one as the group entered, and froze in place. A muscular man with a pirate hat was thrown out of the tavern through a window, shattering it in the process. The players stared at the gathering of ill-looking sailors as they were fighting, running, laughing or attempting to drink in the chaotic brawl that had unfolded, in complete contrast with the overall calm outside of the place.

“Hey, don't just stand here, kids!”

The players looked at the bearded man at the center of the conflict. The deep blue bandana covering his head was floating furiously as he whirled right and left to punch pirates with his massive fists. He was also wearing a simple blue shirt and black pants with brown boots, which he used to kick those he had already brought to the ground. With his right hand, he brandished a huge sword that threatened those bold enough to approach him or the woman fighting by his side, wielding a sword almost as big as his. She bore the same clothes, too, and smiled confidently as she fought several enemies on her own.

“Well that situation seems really familiar,” Yatsu whispered.

“We have to help them,” Fulguro immediately intervened. “They're obviously outnumbered.”

“Yeah, and they're also obviously kicking butts.” Kamikaz countered, “But I'm never against a few experience points, so… CHARGE!”

With a joyful battle cry, the teenage tomboy pulled out her giant trident and plunged into the chaos, swinging her weapon to take on a few of the battling pirates.

Electro-Charge! Execute!

“Definitely following her lead this time,” Fulguro said as electric discharges appeared all around his body.

“We're all following her lead, believe it or not,” Mettrick grumpily added.

The players joined the brawl, helping the fighting duo of the tavern. It took them several minutes to take the advantage, but after a few pirates were cast out, it became much easier for everyone to move around, and thus much easier for the five players to show off their abilities. And so, despite being outnumbered, the Skills and fighting abilities of the players proved to be more than enough to complete the mission they had willingly decided to fulfill.

Begone, heretic!”

With a swift movement, Kamikaz put her left hand on a pirate's chest, and the latter was pushed away by a fiery explosion. She flung her right arm forward and her trident struck the enemy, who screamed as the weapon pushed him out of the tavern. “And that makes four!” the teenage girl concluded joyfully. “Did I beat anyone's record?”

“I think I got three of them, so you beat mine,” Mettrick admitted, noticing that all of their enemies had indeed be thrown away.

“I didn't really count,” Yatsu said, closing his spellbook.

“Eight.”

Every player's head turned to J, who had spoken for the first time since they had left the Noah's Saloon.

“Eight?! How the heck?!” Kamikaz repeated, marveled. “Wow, you squashed me there! Good job!” She flashed a thumbs up, while J pointed at the couple behind her with her rapier. “They helped me for the last one.”

“Thanks a ton, kids!” the bearded man said in a loud voice. “I'm kinda used to these morons, but I gotta say, a little help once in a while is always appreciated! Call me Vick. I'm the owner of this ol' place. And this is my lil' sardine, Luciole!”

The woman looked at the man, visibly appalled. “Thirteen years married to this old fool, and I still can't get used to that.”

The man gave her a quick gaze, grinning like a child. “We both know you don't mind, and we also both know why.”

Luciole stared at her husband before grinning as well. “Keep that loud mouth of yours shut, or I'm cuttin' it off!”

“I'll pretend like that's scary.” Vick continued, diverting his gaze away from his wife. “But more importantly, what brings you kids to my place? Don't think I ever saw you lot before.”

Fulguro looked at Mettrick, but the boy had already walked towards the owner of McBernic's tavern, a satisfied smile on the face. “Hi, Mr.McBernic!” he began. “Well, my comrades and I wanted some information from you, and we were told that you could provide them to us.”

“Please, call me Vick,” the man insisted. “No surprise there, since most people come to my place to chat, taste some of my Turtle Max, fight, or stay for the night.”

“Oh, can we make a reservation then, if possible?” Mettrick quickly inquired. “We do require information, but it'll be nice to have a place to stay. Y'know, after all that fighting...”

Vick gave a questioning to his wife. She looked at the group and nodded, smiling. He rolled his eyes and muttered something about turtles. “Well,” the man said grumpily, “usually you have to fight other people to get a reservation, that's what the arena on the side is for. But, since you decided to willingly help us clean the place, I guess I can make an exception for once. Luciole, can you go prepare the rooms?”

“Aww, look at the big man being so kind...”

“Cut the teasing!” he shouted as she ran away in a dramatic fashion, laughing out loud. He sighed and leaped over the bar before gazing at the five players. “So?" he enquired. What did you wanna chat about, kids?”

Mettrick walked towards the bar as well and sat down on a chair. Fulguro followed his example, as well as the other players.

“We want to reach the Citadel of Ire,” Fulguro intervened. “But first, we need information on the Chimerical Plains. We heard that the Plains were guarded by a witch and that she'd do everything in her power to stop explorers like me from crossing them.”

Vick suddenly became much more serious.

“The Citadel of Ire?” he repeated gravely. “That's quite the dangerous exploration, kid. The Chimerical Plains are vast and unpredictable, so that's not the safest place to be in either. As for the witch, well… it's not that she doesn't want you to reach the Citadel.”

The innkeeper put his hands on the table, staring into Fulguro's eyes.

“...She just doesn't want what's inside of it to come out and butcher us all.”

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
BrumalHunter
Review

SalutaRRRGH! DX

I see you received only two reviews on this, and they were from both Buggie and EnderFlash. I was part of that LMS support group! I should have reviewed this so much sooner! X_x

In any case, it's weekend, so I finally have time to review another of your chapters!


This was a good intermediary chapter. It gave the cast a goal to follow, split them off into more manageable groups, and elaborated on the setting and lore of the world. The second point is especially important, since the previous chapter introduced eight new characters, and since this one follows that one directly, there is no reason to describe them again just yet. I know you kept this in mind, but just to be safe anyway, do repeat characteristic features as the story goes; I used to think this was unnecessary until I realised just how useful it actually was in helping me remember the characters' appearances. It's just here where reviewing once a week or such hampers our memory.

Let's see how much I can remember!
~ Fulguro: dark-skinned Cybermage MC who wears yellow armour
~ Mettrick: Myrmidon tricky kid who uses his robots for offensive and defensive purposes
~ Kamikaze: maniacal tomboy who is way too outspoken and brash
~ Morkant: dude with whom Fulguro partnered to defeat Kaz; might wear a mask
~ Diabolsaur: Monster Lover who creates dinos with black tarry stuff
~ J: silent and brooding kitsune ballerina with a rapier
~ Yatsu: Wait, he was Fulguro's partner... then who's the other guy?
~ TriggerZ: random cowboy
~ Exceedjinn: random Enchanter
~ Sheenobi: random Summoner with a name I don't like

Well, that sounds about right. It fits the amount of screen time they had.

Now! I appreciate that you included that bit of information at the top, but there's no way anybody reading this would remember that later on. Bits and pieces, sure, but you'll need to repeat it often enough in the future. That won't be an issue, knowing you.

Rusty's analogy isn't exactly accurate, as this is the equivalent of announcing a surprise class test on the first day of school and giving the class ten minutes to prepare. (Hmm, that's actually exactly what it is.) A better answer would have been that the whole point was to see how adaptable they were, since he didn't give them any answers before starting the assessment. In fact, it's like telling people what kind of article they'll need to read to answer the questions - that is useful to help you prepare, but there's only so much you can do without seeing the article first.

Those are some pretty solid strategies. I agree with Mettrick's one, since fixed formations are too vulnerable to disruption. Having a contingency for situations is a good idea, since it's bound to happen, particularly with a landscape supposedly as chaotic as the Chimetric - Is that what it's called? Ah! "Chimerical": a portmonteau of mixing things; beautiful - Plains and an unpredictable warden. I look forward to that battle!

That NPC is the best ever, wow! It's like the scriptwriter wrote a million different responses to a million different questions. Very impressive and awesome for immersion! I love that it's so realistic, they just stare at the game's landscape. To be fair, graphics have indeed improved enough to allow that. Virtual reality, though, is still pretty mediocre, so this must be mind-blowing in comparison to what we currently have.

I enjoyed the ending! Those two NPCs are amazing, especially in terms of interactablity, and their personality is an optional touch by the developers that improves the overall experience so much. The innkeeper's move from the floor to the bar was amusing, and his final revelation was... rather ominous. I can't wait to see the witch's personality, as well as whatever lies inside the citadel!

There are some errors here and there. You often leave out the space between "Mr." and the following name, and you also replaced certain stops at the end of dialogues with full stops (we've discussed that point before, so I'll only mention, rather than explain, it now). Somewhere near the end, Fulguro's name is spelled "Fulgugo". There might be some other errors, but I only spotted them while I was reading and probably won't be able to find them now.


This wasn't exactly a filler chapter, but it sort of felt like one. I enjoyed it, so that's great! Not that you don't know how to write filler, whether it's really that or not, anyway. I'm sort of keeping up with the character identities, but that will come with time. I'm excited to see more of this world!

~ Hunter

User avatar
JediDeadpool
Comment

WHATTT
How could you be so evil
That is without a doubt the best, and therefore the worst cliffhanger I've ever seen in my life

MUHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh don't worry, that's not the worst of my lil' collection :3 But hey, at least you're enjoyin' this, which is good for me :D

Enjoying might be a little understated :P I LUV DIS!!!!
I'd like to know if you've read any other books that have this kind of story? I've read only one other book set in an mmorpg but it was a side-story from the actual book and I wanted more then, too.
So, spill. What's your inspirations while writing this??

...Huh. I'm... genuinly surprised you like this so much but I'm not gonna complain XD Thank you!

As for your question, I... don't think I have. My main inspiration source before writing this came from Megaman NT Warrior/Battle Network - main inspiraiton overall - Log Horizon - inspired me for bits of the combat system I created for Muster Heroes - and also a bit of Tales of Symphonia. The first source I mentioned is an anime, a manga and a game, which ALL inspired me; the second is a light novel and an Anime, but I've only watched the Anime, and the third one is a high-fantasy action-rpg which everybody should play. Seriously it's THAT good. And it inspires me a lot when I try to handle many characters at once.

User avatar
Ventomology
Review

Hello there, Tort!

I'm sorry it took me like, all week to finally get here. (Don't worry though, I still haven't even read Hunter's chapter.) Anyways, it looks like things are moving along in the piece, so I'll move along as well.

Note 1: We all talk funny to someone.

Something about the kids was bothering me as I listened to them talk, and I'm pretty sure I know what it is. At least in words, they all express themselves the same way. It's like reading a review by me and a review by Hunter and not being able to figure out who wrote which review.

Now, instead of just looking at word choice, which you can probably fix with a snap of your fingers, try looking at the structure of speech as well. Some people don't like to talk directly; they fiddle with words until they get the point across, and it takes a lot of sentences and clauses to do it. Some people are succinct, and some people can't seem talk in full sentences.

Right now, I think Kamikaze and J are the most distinct in voice, so try thinking about how you made them different and apply similar concepts to your male characters. :)

(Also, this is just me, but the exclamation marks are kind of overused. I personally think that your accompanying tags, and the word choice itself, can convey the proper excitement in most cases.)

Note 2:[/color Never put away your fancy verbs.

"Put" is like my least favorite word in the dictionary. It is the one verb I've found that can always be replaced by something more descriptive. i.e:

The innkeeper put his hands on the table,
Like, how is Vick putting his hands on the table? Is he resting them there? Is he leaning over and using his hands to balance the weight? Same with how Fulguro stows his weapon. Does he slide it into a sheath on his back or at his waist? Where does it go?

(Now, you can 'putt' something, but that's a totally different word...)

Anyways, I think I actually gave you this advice before, so I'll stop with it soon.

Remember to check your verb quality! And not just with 'put!'

Going on to [color=green]Impressions.

1. I like this intro thing you're doing with world-building stuff before each chapter. It's a useful tool that can serve all sorts of purposes, from foreshadowing, to world-building, to bridging leaps of logic. Excellent decision. (Hunter will probably read this comment and be all like: "but you did it too, so you're biased.")

2. I am so impressed that you manage to write such long chapters every week. I mean, I'm on summer break, with nothing to do, and I still barely manage one-thousand words.

3. Like Ender, I enjoyed your description of the harbor. The added dialogue about seagulls was a fabulous touch which covertly added so much character to the people and place. A++

And... that's it for this week. I'll catch you again later!
-Buggie

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EnderFlash
Review

Ooooh, foreshadowing? AM I FIRST I THINK I'M FIRST

Is everything a flashback? Is that why it's all italicized? I think so.

I'm sorry to tell you that there are still a couple tense and punctuation errors >_> Editing is a painflul thing, is it not? On the bright side, I spotted very few of them.

Other than that, I'm a pathetic reviewer and don't have that much to say about this chapter, other than it was good. You showed Mettrick's prowess for being the youngest (he is, right?) and some of the others' personalities a bit clearer. The story is also going somewhere! :D

The description was a little clumpy at time, like describing the harbor or showing Vick's appearance. By that, I mean that there's an onflow of unnecessary details -I did this too- all in one spot.

Here's a lovely nitpick!

The players joined the brawl, helping the fighting duet of the tavern. It took them several minutes to defeat all of the pirates, but after a few of them were cast out...

You say they defeated them all first, and then cleared the area to make it easier to fight? It seems a little out-of-order here.

Also, another personal nag, but their reactions to the NPC's helpfulness were a bit off. It's like forced enthusiasm at something; it just doesn't feel realistic. They were extremely impressed by an NPC giving helpful information? Isn't that what most NPCs in games do? If their excitement was by how nice he was, that's still a little too impressed. Maybe it's just me.

I like the dialogue. What can I say? I'm a sucker for conversations between characters, as it's perfect for exposition and to reveal personalities. On the downside, this makes the blocks of description more obvious.

Impressions!

1. I'm starting to dislike J and even Mettrick. Kill me, I always hate characters for the strangest reasons. Each to their own, I guess.
2. I am liking Exceed even more, though. It's nice to see a character that's a prick(?) but doesn't make a fool of himself by being stubborn.
3. I applaud you for writing a legit strategy. By that, I mean when I try to have a character be smart and come up with plans, it comes out really awkward and unrealistic. Hahah... This is why I'm absolutely terrible at FE and LoL, I swear.

Well that was freakin' FAST.

And nononono it's not supposed to be ALL in italic at all, that's a mistake from the Publishing Center. Or at least when I copied and pasted the whole file, it happened, for some reason. Nevermind that.


-Do you play a lot of MMOs? The reason why I'm asking this is because I do, so do the characters, here, and I meant to show how human that one sailor was. Usually, you ahve to talk to 7 NPCs to get the 2 bits of info you needed, as opposed to this sailor who acted like an actual human being, AKA not: "Welcome to the town!" *stops talking. Talks again* "welcome to town!"

But I guess I'll have to show this better. My bad. My writing's not perfect or anything, so I'm taking your feelings about my chapters very seriously.

Glad you at least like the dialogues, but the relationship dialogue/description always feels that way, so not entirely my fault there, fortunately for me, lol.

1. It's normal for J, she's barely likeable right now, but Mettrick? Huh. Surprising. Oh well!
2. Lol. You're weirder than I am, and that's saying something XD But he's more like a guy who has high expectations for himself than a REAL jerk. And yes he's not stupid.
3. Lol, thanks. Long gaming experience, and had to think quite a lot to come up for both strategies, it was kinda fun :D

Looking at it that way, I guess it does make sense for them to be pleased. I just can't help but imagine them speaking those lines in the same way someone would sarcastically force enthusiasm, though. I have no idea why.



If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.
— Emily Dickinson