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The Running Commandments

by TimmyJake

Commandment #1

I am the road, thy pain. Thou shalt have no other surfaces before me.

Runners live for the road. Unfortunately, they also tend to die for it… and on it. That wonderfully hard surface that gives you aches and pains, shin splints and runners knee… Without the asphalt road pounding our ligaments to pulp, where would we be?

The road is a necessity when first starting out running. How else can you get support? Vehicles rush past you, almost clipping you when they zoom! past. Go on a treadmill? That just wouldn’t be proper. Besides, you would miss out on the adrenaline rush you get when you race sports cars down the main drag—your neighborhood lane.

Commandment #2

Keep holey thy running clothes.

You all know how a runner is supposed to look like! Tattered shirt from your first marathon, still emitting odors from previous runs. Muddy shorts and socks from the mud that you didn’t expect. Perhaps even a hat promoting your favorite football team—not your favorite marathon. Diversity is important in a runner as well.

Commandment #3

Thou shalt wear bright shoes.

I would go into detail about it—which brands, colors, designs, perhaps even dig a little into the practicality of certain footwear—but I think it all fades to the background when faced with the most important aspect of shoes.

Whatever you buy must be bright—no exceptions.

Commandment #4

Honor thy marathon medals with a day out.

When you do achieve this rare status, this magnificent achievement that few can boast, you will earn a medal. A medal is meant to be worn, not laid around the house or left inside a memory box to collect dust! Wear it to the office, to town, running—everything.

Your friends may think you are crazy, but that is an automatic assumption.

Commandment #5 *

Thou shalt not let thy run be quiet.

We runners have a reputation to uphold here. Don’t let us down with your neophyte ideas and go off on some adventure of your own. Sure, be adventurous, but follow a pattern.

All runners must listen to music while running. Now that doesn’t mean that there is a certain song that must be played. It’s your choice, of course! Only one thing is necessary. Your device, no matter what brand or model, must have the capability to be heard at least a mile away.

If your device is not capable of completing this task, take a hammer to it. Such possessions would shame a respectable runner.

*These Running Commandments (and commentary) were obtained from an internet source I found while searching for some running help. If you wish to read (and memorize) the rest of these valuable rules, numbers 5-10, please visit and follow the directions listed on the screen. Good luck!

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91 Reviews

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Reviews: 91

Tue Jun 09, 2015 7:16 pm
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FireBird99 says...

I'm not much of a runner but these were funny! Do you read these over to remind yourself every time you race? =P

TimmyJake says...

xD I forget to, which is whyyy I fail. :P

FireBird99 says...

Makes sense :P. Don't forget to wear those vibrant shoes!

FireBird99 says...

Makes sense :P. Don't forget to wear those vibrant shoes!

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1634 Reviews

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Sat May 31, 2014 5:57 am
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Deanie wrote a review...

Heyy Timmy.

Yep, me again. Can't get rid of me. This time I won't linger around for long because there isn't really much to say here. It's funny :P So I guess this will just be my running commentary...

Rule #1 ... :( B-but what about running in the forest? Running in the forest is SO much cooler... you get branches hitting you, tripped up by rocks and so on, chased by random dogs that the owners can't take control of... Yeah, I much prefer running in the forest. Who needs adrenaline of cars?

#2 I love the holey/holy thing joke. Not so much imagining people running in that clothing... ew xD

#3 I agree. Bright is good. Always. Maybe you should mention the fact that these shoes are or aren't purely reserved for running? Or can they be worn elsewhere too?


Your friends may think you are crazy, but that is an automatic assumption

Hm, what do you mean by an automatic assumption? My suggestion is to rearrange the sentence like this, so people can understand it better: Your friends may think you are crazy - but that's okay, because you are. Let them make their assumptions.

#5 If you are going to take a hammer to it... make sure you don't catch your thumb. Please tell me this wasn't what you were doing ^.^

I think I sense a misspell here? Taking it apart makes it runners are I dots?

Keep running, Tim ;)

Deanie x

timmyjake says...

Thanks, Livvy! Yeah, avoid the thumb!

timmyjake says...

Thanks, Livvy! Yeah, avoid the thumb!

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285 Reviews

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Fri May 16, 2014 3:47 pm
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GreenTulip wrote a review...

Hi, Timmy. Tulip here to give you a review after you have given me so many reviews that I will never be able to pay back.

So this was interesting. Though marked as an article, but I was surprised to see that my attention was kept on the article all the way through. Not only did I learn many things, I realized how much some of these things can mean to me. I am not a runner, nor will I ever be. I hate to run- my body's to beat up (Yes, at eighteen) to handle any type of run.

Though I can frown on some of these things- such as the music, I will have to admit that you have a very factual article here Tim. Nothing seems to 'preachy' nor does it seem understated. Everything is in perfect balance with the commandment given.

Now, I have to say that
Road + Traffic + Runner = Accident waiting to happen.
Well that is, in my opinion.

All of the other things that you have in your article are things that are important (maybe not the most clean).

I think that's all I have to say on the topic. An awesome write, Timmy. Keep it up.

The Sweet little blossom,

timmyjake says...

Thanks, Tulip!

This was meant as humor... :P
Jus sayin

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17 Reviews

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Reviews: 17

Fri May 16, 2014 1:55 pm
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kyddikat wrote a review...

Not bad, but try not to make it sound like the ten commandments. And try not to be too braggy, or people will get mad at you and you'll be sitting on the curb begging for loose change, and living in a refrigerator box. Then your life will S.U.C.K!!! But good tips for those who need them. And some people REALLY need them, like, really need them. But I like the tips, should come in handy ;)

timmyjake says...

Thank you for your review!

This looks like a really bad episode of Green Acres.
— David Letterman