In woods of mystery and trickery,
therein lived the woodfolk’s child,
born of both tree and man, first of the elves.
Mist burned by confounded ray, heat of day,
trees groan in parched agony,
forest, now a desert of sun-scorched sand.
Woodfolk’s child, loved by both fairy and fey
could not prevent death that day.
Now abandoned upon the sun-scorched clay.
Found by worn hands, wanderers upon lands
the elf child to be a nomad, warrior.
"Live in light," is their command, hard demand.
Grown up surrounded by both sword and might,
wielding scimitar and blight
the Elven one now a sun-kissed child, blessed
By Solah, Maiden of Desert Sunrise,
and Tirdan, Guardian’s Kin.
Loved by both fairy, fey, and sun-scorched clay
Past Goldazah, the yet-to-be hero
walked under mighty cedar,
scimitar unfamiliar weapons.
Accosted by drunken thieves, great allure
An easy mark, with clink of
sun-soaked silver, too great a temptation
For those who lived in darkness, Will crumpled,
thoughts of lust and greed jumbled,
sword and hangman's noose the law’s execution.
Justice on sun-harsh lands is terrible,
swift vengeance, death its sentence.
Blood-soaked silver he did carry over hill,
and under mountain’s shadow, through forest,
across the great plains of Stodir,
our explorer did travel far and wide.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
- Hi, sorry, I'm running out of time to leave a long review today, so I'll opt for a comment for now.
Awesome opening to a story! Love the poetic nature and vivid descriptions! As a good prologue should do, it introduces some fundamental concepts within the story, while leaving enough of a mystery to push the reader forward! I hope to read more soon!
Nicely done!
I must start this review with saying that I have little experience with poetry. I find it difficult to follow and it's meaning is often lost on me. Disregarding my own lack of knowledge, I find your worldbuilding incredible. Although this is labeled as a prologue it didn't fall into the common trope of having too much exposition. I have never seen quite a poem like this. A poem to fill you with awe. Continue writing you are very good at it.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - A child is abandoned in the woods, but is taken care of by the fae creatures that reside there, a hero’s life waiting for them.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow -If “Will” is intended to be capitalized for emphasis, then you don’t have to do anything.
Chocolate Bar - I liked how you made it seem like the child would die in the sun, but instead, they were blessed. It’s like they were destined to do great things…
Closing Graham Cracker -This poem sounds like it could be in a fantasy movie or book. I like all of the magic and creatures in it, it’s fun! I enjoyed reading this poem.
I wish you a lovely day/night!
Hello TimelessMage! Incoming review!
Well, I think some argument could be made for slant rhymes here, but it just doesn't feel like there is a scheme going on here. To me, the rhyming feel like a first draft kind of deal, and if more care were put into formatting and flow, it would be astounding.I loved your poem, it was full of great imagery and very creative. I've never read a poem to this caliber before. Now on to the review!
I'll start with some critiques I have.
To start off, I noticed there isn't consistent rhyming. Now, that would be fine in most circumstances where the rhyming flow evolves with the work, but there are some stanzas which there isn't rhyming at all. For example:
Another thing is that I feel like the poem itself would be great as a prose-poetry work. Without all the line breaks, but keeping the flowery language and statements, this piece would flow brilliantly , especially if you didn't want to change the rhyming flow.
One last thing, I notice the work has auto-capitalization. Not necessarily a bad thing, but I suggest something to elevate the piece would be to realize that lines a part of the same sentence don't need to be capitalized. I personally think that auto-capitalized lines looks amateur, and going down the other route would make the poem look a lot more polished if you didn't want to go down the prose-poetry route
Okay, now it's time to praise your work!
I love, love, LOVE all the vivid vocabulary you used. I never see such intricate verbosity in poetry, so for that I applaud you. It makes me want to use more elevated vocabulary in my own works!
The idea of the poem is so interesting as well. Writing a poem about a character is so much fun because it isn't necessarily telling a story, but getting the reader immersed in their world with the character. The way you describe things is immaculate.
You made these trees come alive. I can see the trees coughing at the lack of water and shriveling up to the beating heat and sun.
Its all just detailed and just ambiguous to have a great mix of knowing exactly what's there and the reader put their own imagination into it. Love it <3
Anyway, that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful. I'd love to read more of these poems and see you improve over time. Have a good day and I'll see you next time. Anyway, byeeeeeeeeeeeee
Thanks for the review and advice! To be honest, as I add more, I constantly go back to review and change what has already been written, so when you say that it felt like it read as a first draft, it kind of was. Your suggestion with Capitalization (see what I did there) is fantastic, and I went through and corrected it, as well as switched some of the wording.
This is meant to be a Ballad/Epic, depicting the Woodfolk's child's explorations into the world I am building (hence the names mentioned in it). You may have also noticed that I have yet to name him. I can't figure out a name yet, and would LOVE suggestions, so that I can use it in more of his stories.