Prologue
Okay. This may be the hardest thing I will ever tell you, but I have to say it. Yep…I just have to, and I know this may hurt your feelings but it just has to be said…. I hate you people!
Whew, not that I’ve got that off of my chest we can get on with this.
Chapter 1: Introductions
All day every day it’s the same routine: hit the button, speak, hit more buttons on the computer, speak again, take money, do it all over again.
Well, there may be a change up every now and again, but not really. I just talk all day, to people I don’t know. I’ve seen just about everyone in town, and I’ve seen most of their names, too. (And no it is not creepy to look at the names on people’s credit cards!) But I don’t know them, not really.
This is the loneliness of my job. Yes, I get to do this a whole whopping eight hours a day. Irritating? Yes. Entertaining? No.
To make matters worse, I’m all alone. I get stuck in an indent in the wall with two computers that freeze on me all the time, and a row of headsets behind me. A camera is barely hanging from the ceiling, watching my every move, making sure I don’t steal from the register.
Like I would steal! I’m in college, with no other source for income. I have bills to pay, and slipping an extra $20 from the drawer is not worth losing my job for.
But those are things that every store has to watch out for. I know I’m innocent, but they have no proof until they watch the tape. The tedious things managers have to do. Like it’s so hard.
I have to take orders, take money, fill up sauce containers, and clean and stock! All managers have to do is get people into their positions and then get them on break, as well as count the money from the drawers at the end of their shift. And they get paid more than me! Unbelievable!
This is only the beginning too. Just the tip of the iceberg, go down just a bit farther and we’ll get to the really irritating stuff: you people.
Yes, you the customer. Coming to my lane and taking 3-5 minutes to order a simple combo meal! It’s not like our menu changes every day, but for some reason you just can’t seem to make up your minds. All you say is, “Uh, I would like….I want…uh…ummm.”
Quit stuttering and just order already! The more time you take the less orders I get to pay out, and then I get in trouble because you can’t decide what you want to drink! God! You people really suck!
Well, that’s all the complaining I have time for today. Next time may be better or worse. You never know with me…
*Okay, this is a new idea I've had in mind for a couple of months now, it's going to get pretty intense too.*
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Yeah, thanks for the tip. As it turns out I work the drive-thru at my work. So this is sort of based on that. And this chapter is solely set up for introductions, the next couple of chapters are going to get into the actual situations.
I've had all this planned out so I will unfold everything in little bits. I'm not going to spill everything in the first chapter. Then what would be the point in reading more?
And I chose the Title just because of the double "D"s, it's a work in progress, but I'm satisfied with it so far. Thanks again for the comments.
Hello!
This is an interesting concept, writing from the point of view of a fast food worker. I think it's something that everyone can relate to. I mean who hasn't been through a drive-thru?
Just a small thing, but what you have labeled as a prologue, isn't really a prologue. I would consider omitting, especially since you can include those observations in your prologue easily in the body of the piece. As it is set up, the prologue breaks up the flow of your piece a bit.
I have one major suggestion. While your character has an interesting voice, with interesting opinions, I would examine if a diary type format would be best for your piece. To be honest, it's just not that interesting to read a character's rant about their day. Here is my main suggestion, throughout this piece your character tells us about her job and her experiences, as opposed to showing us the same thing. I would try to change this some. Maybe you could write a scene where a costumer comes through the drive-thru. You could write a conversation between the costumer and your MC, and intersperse your MC's observations within the conversation. This would show your reader what the character does, as opposed to the character simply saying, "I work the drive thru." I think it would add a lot to your piece. If you would some additional advice on showing vs. telling, there is a good article here.
Overall, I think this concept has promise and could be really interesting with a little work. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to PM me. Thanks for the read!
Audrey
Hey Teddy!
I didn't catch any mistakes, but then I mostly skim read this as I'm supposed to be packing my room up, instead of on YWS
I think you have a cool concept for a story here. I often wonder what it would be like to be on the other side of the drive through. What it's like to sit in the little box like room, looking out of the tiny window at complete strangers who you'll probably never see again.
This has potential, and I'm interested to see just how 'intense' it's going to get.
I would like to know a little more about the MC though. I know they're at college, but that's about it. I'd like a little dialogue too, to help break up the piece.
Well, that's all I've got time for.
I hope this helps!
xDudettex