Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Liz choked on the scream that she had been about to release, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he craved.
“I want you to call my name and scream when I’m inside you,” he hissed into her ear.
Liz just bit her tongue and tried to stop the tears from spilling over, knowing he would only take her harder if he saw them. Her grip on the sheets tightened as he increased his speed, thrusting harder into her. He was almost finished, she knew, because he always gave all his strength when he was nearing the end.
With one final thrust he catapulted himself over the edge, and collapsed on top of her, crushing her into the mattress. She took his weight gratefully, turning her head so as not to smell the stench of his breath.
Liz waited out the few minutes that it took him to regain his strength enough to pull out and roll off of her. She rolled onto her side away from him and curled her legs up, once again ashamed of what she had become, she had had promise, a great future, and it had all been torn away in a single night.
She shifted so she could pull her nightgown down around her feet and slowly started to get off the bed. Her feet hit the cold floor, and she tiptoed to the door, opening and closing it silently. She hurriedly walked down the hall to her door at the end of the hall.
She closed the door and sat on the edge of her bed, and let the unshed tears flow freely. She turned her head, and, through her tears, looked down on the sleeping form on the other side of the bed.
Her husband had sprawled himself out, covering the bed with his limbs. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and slipped herself under his arm and snuggled close to him. She hoped he hadn’t woken during her absence. Then all she had done would have been in vain.
She was the Duchess of Lendorshire, and she would not allow herself to be found out.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that took a second or two to figure out what exactly was going on here...and oh dear...this sounds like one of those horrible situations although I don't quite know what light you're trying to paint this in. It doesn't seem to be the worst possible outcome being depicted here...and the title of this piece also doesn't really hint at that one..but umm, well it certainly gets your attention, that much is certain.
Okay....some interesting emotions there in this passage, it seems to confirm the hunch from the previous one. This is somewhat being done willingly but as the result of some potentially horrible mistake...well it is a horrible mistake, not potentially. It looks somebody going through a very tough time as a result of something misguided that they now fully regret and are just trying to live through. You've certainly captures those feelings quite well here.
That looks to be the makings of some kind of fairly dangerous scandal there, well it certainly gets your attention and makes you want to find out more about how this situation came to be here. The last paragraph manages to do a pretty good of that.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
.....
I knew assumptions would be the death of me. My apologies for attending to your chapter this late, what can I do for your forgiveness? Well, this wasn't what I expected, but doesn't mean that it's a bad thing. Just interesting.
Due to how short this is, my review isn't going to be terribly long either. I don't have that many things to say. I like the premises you have here, it's interesting especially with the cliffhanger at the end (sort of ) but at the same time this is incredibly rough and vague. You wrote this back in 2010 which is, five years ago. I don't know if you've changed how you wish to write this story or anything like that, I'm going by the assumption that nothing had changed.
I wouldn't call this chapter, if you ask me, because there is no context as to what is happening but just the climax (no pun intended) of this particular chapter you happen to be writing in and slapped it onto the page. If I sound harsh, I apologize. You open with a woman and man having sex, and she is obviously unhappy with this arrangement. But why isn't she happy, under what circumstances are they here? There is no background, no history, no nothing just two characters having sex. Tad random if you ask me, we need the background of this story to be able to relate and connect with these characters. Otherwise, it's just plain out flat.
Speaking of character development, there is no character development here at all, because it's so short I don't even know what to comment on. There is a lot of action but apart from her tears there is no other revelation to her inner emotions. There isn't a lot of descriptions in here either, describe the room they're in, the weather outside to give us a sense of the surrounding. Describe her feeling more, her more intimate feelings and not just generalized expressions like crying (because come on, who doesn't cry if they're in a relationship they don't like and at the same time, having sex). I want to know the psychology behind what's making her so sad.
The ending itself, was really disjointed too. Suddenly we see that she's married and she's having an affair with another man in her husband's own house? That....doesn't make much sense to me. If she's going to have an affair, wouldn't they have it in some safer location and who is that man. Which goes back to my first comment, no history to indicate what's happening so everything is disjointed.
Try and vary your sentence beginnings too, you tend to open with pronouns quite a bit. It can get monotonous over time.
That brings me to the end of this review, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me. I will come back to review later chapters, hopefully.
-Flite
Hey Teddy!
I haven't read any of your work in ages, so I thought I'd have a little read through this.
Although it was short, you managed to give us enough of a plot to make us want to read on. I want to know why she's sleeping with this - what already seems like a vulgar man, when she has a husband just across the hall. Is he blackmailing her? Knows something he shouldn't? Collecting on a promise? Ahh! My creative brain needs to know
I couldn't find anything wrong that others haven't already pointed out, so this is a bit of a pointless review. But I had to comment and tell you how much I appreciate your writing
Thanks for the great read!
xDudettex
Liz is such a bad, bad girl. Lol. I like that all she could feel was guilt about what just happened. The story was really good, there's nothing to ask, but that you explain a little more in the next chapter. Keep writing!
Sierra
Okay, thanks for that. I had not realized that I used "bit" in those three sentences that close, big no no, for me. lol I changed it and yes I will be explaining everything in the next chapter.
Hi there,
Okay, so you use bit three times in three sentences... I would recommend you to use some synonyms
Depending on what you want to say. I know someone already told you that and sorry for repeating... But congratulations, I didn't noticed more mistakes or things that sounded wrong
The story is a little bit confusing, considering that there's really not much... I didn't understand why she was sleeping with that other guy when her husband was in the room next door. especially when she didn't want to do it. I hope you explain that to us in another chapter? Apart from that, it's good so far, for what you have. I'd love to read more.
-Other One
Hey Teddybear,
I liked it and want to hear more. I only saw one thing that I could really complain about.
As you can see by the purple font, you use bit twice almost consecutively. sound weird to me anyway so maybe you could change that to he hissed or something.
Okay, I also thought that her changing rooms, beds, and men was confusing. I had to read it a couple times to know what happened.
I really did like it though.