The Poverty Line

Heyooo! First, despite this poem being on YSW for so long, I wonder why there is only one review. I'm shocked to see something sit here for over ten years and not get more love/feedback. With that being said, I will gladly add number two. I hope you're still active on this site, as it has become one of my favorites. Let's get to it! I am curious why you titled this "The Poverty Line." I say this because I took this literally, which has nothing to do with poverty. Or does it? At first, the initial stanza discusses a road you have yet to see with mirrors and not sane places. This can be vaguely related through metaphorical means while also being quite literal. Depending on the reader, they may have been directly on that road of being poor. They may have seen what it looks like on themselves and are fully aware of the knowledge of socioeconomic status's effect on places, mental health, and life quality. I do love your use of changing the color within the text. Your use of purple for everything except the phrase "stepping on that line" makes it stand out. The second stanza does not relate to the rest except for the "line" directly. The third stanza may have a typo in the second line. It does not make sense when I read, "not you haven't seen it yet." You may need to fix that, depending on whether it was intentional. If it was planned, I find that it could be more coherent, and while I embrace madness, whimsicality does not fit this overall poem. It does, but it does not. While you relate to literality in your theme of poverty, some elements need to be clarified. I find that to be confusing. With the seriousness of the topic, playfulness seems weird. Consider that if you ever revise this. There is a realness within the lines "have you tried living on a home called road / have you tasted dirt coated food." These lines specifically put into perspective, quite literally, the theme related to the title. Keeping all that in mind, I must add you have hit a factor that suits good poems. You have left the reader (in this case, me) pondering your work. If something we read can make us think twice or re-read to find meaning or have second thoughts, I find that to be a win! Bravo! Wishing you well wherever you are in the world <3

Welcome to YWS!!! Interesting poem. I'm sorry I'm not at all trying to be mean, honestly this is a good poem full of potential, but the rhyme scheme is mildly disturbing. Road and food don't rhyme, and etc.The first stanza could probablly have some words switched around or changed, but I especially like the line "It is a mirror your eyes hadn't seen". It's like looking at yourself without ever seeing yourself before. Some of the poem is confusing but I think you maybe meant for it to be that way. So that the reader feels the lostness and misdirection of being somewhere they've never been, or on the road you talk about. I didn't see any spelling misakes except maybe in the last line you might have meant 'thoughts' plural? But maybe not. Good job, look forward to reading more.

~alliyah