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Lilac Hairpin

by Thediffident


Rain is when she came to me

a soft girl with a lilac hairpin

the same age as me

a little over thirteen

I may have liked her

She may have liked me

Rain is when she comes to me

She waits for me eagerly

with those brown roots

yellow boots

just like mine 

breathing the fresh and earthy scent

running and dancing on the wet cement

I like her

She likes me

Rain was the last time she came to me

she bid farewell with anything but glee

when tears caressed my skin

she gave me her lilac hairpin 

which makes me remember 

the precious time I spent 

with my imaginary friend 


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5 Reviews

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Reviews: 5

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Tue Jan 31, 2023 5:28 am
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RokitaVivi wrote a review...



I want to say this right off the bat, your poem was pretty good. It flows pretty smoothly, even when I read them aloud. Honestly until the end, I thought this person was remembering a girl they use to know when they were younger and fondly remembering the times together, but even then it was still sweet from beginning to end.

Overall it's a very sweet poem, you did a great job making this one. Two lilac thumbs up all the way.

-Goodnight and good morning, Rokita :D




Thediffident says...


Thankyou so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you liked the poem:)



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Sun Jan 22, 2023 2:44 pm
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inprisonforsparkling wrote a review...



Ohhh this is beautiful!!

"Rain is when she came to me" is such an evocative and lovely line; i really like the subtle rhyming through the poem, as well.

"brown roots/yellow boots" is again well done; it gives a really clear picture of her for so few words.

i really only have one suggestion: maybe instead of "which makes me remember" you could have "it makes me remember"? Of course it's up to you, and probably a preference, but yeah

all in all a really lovely poem, and very impressive that it's your first! Well done!

-Oliver




Thediffident says...


Thanks for writing the review! I really needed a feedback on this piece:)



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Sat Jan 21, 2023 10:44 pm
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Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @Thediffident I'm here to give a short review on your poem, since you said this was your first poem and I'm not very good at rhyming, the poem it's self is really good and I enjoyed reading it. I felt like it was a very heart felt poem and the rhyming was really good.

breathing the fresh and earthy scent

running and dancing on the wet cement

I like her

She likes me


I must just say this four lines where my favorite, perhaps it was because of how well the lines where put together, the imagery that I'm getting in my own heads if really nice to, and I can just imagine the smell that rain makes when it falls, yeah I love that smell.

Rain is when she came to me

a soft girl with a lilac hairpin

the same age as me

a little over thirteen

I may have liked her

She may have liked me


Okay the problem with this part witch is when the poem begins, is I feel like later in the poem after this you start rhyming with each line, where as this is every second line, so you always have one line in between before the rhyme comes. problem here is when rhyming you want to have a stable rhythm throughout the poem, otherwise it doesn't really go to gather as well as it could have.

now this was just my advice other people might have nothing to say about the way you rhyme, and to be honest you do a much better job of it then me. So if I was being harsh I'm really sorry that was not my intention, I really did in joy this and I hope to read more of your poems, keep up the great work.

I hope you have a great day/night witch ever side of the world your on.

@Dossereana Flying Over The Green Room And Spreading Shards Of Encouragement




Thediffident says...


Hi Thankyou so much for the review! I appreciate it :)




Percy fell face-first into his pizza.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena