Murmurs
Cross across the sea,
come find me; the waves are reeling.
Sound found the noise,
of my lost voice; children are weeping.
(The) mad sad light,
robbed me of sight; the dark is creeping.
Mend amend the lot,
my crimes were caught; the jury is sleeping.
Soon noon shall stall,
the sun will fall; the days are dying.
Young unsung heroes flee
to the apple tree; their tales were lying.
(The) date fate has struck
gears of time have stuck; where is this going?
Write right words on a page,
lock thoughts in a cage; the end of freedom is coming.
Chase praise in works of men,
black heart, black ink of a pen; read the unsaid saying-
Glow slow like a star,
we have come afar; this world is smoking.
(The) old cold metal chyme
sings an abstract rhyme; the winds are blowing
past last hurdles of mine,
I feel fine; because new seeds we are sowing.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I thought you did some fun things with word play and rhyming in here, and it flowed well. At first, I wasn't certain if all the interesting-sounding words actually tied in together, but it made more sense after a couple read-throughs.
A couple things that confused me:
Why the sudden change from first person to third then back to first? Is "me/we" supposed to represent someone/something in particular?
Why (the) in parentheses? I don't think they really need to be there.
And a minor spelling thing: "chime" not "chyme".
Overall, this was an enjoyable read. Good job!