My Worst Fear

It's not often that I request more detail, but for a poem as existential and deep as this one, you need more detail than what you've provided. For example, your poem focuses a lot on external factors, but what about internal factors? Say, your heart beating, the blood in your veins getting warmer, your ears getting hot, internal bodily factors that SHOW fear rather than TELL fear. Your writing style has a fair amount of unnecessary lines. Remember; Show, don't tell.

The following lines are lines I would delete because your imagery already suggests them.

"Beyond which, I don't know what exists."
"Telling me my worst fear lies ahead of me."
"Trying to gather enough courage to walk through the darkness,"
"And giving me the courage required."

I'd delete more and merge other lines, but you get the point. Those lines could easily be replaced with internal bodily functions that convey fear if you truly want to convey such a feeling.

Hey there. Pukka here for a brief review.

Wow! This poem tells a story. A story of a young blood fighting his demons.
"I see darkness,

Beyond which, I don't know what exists.

And the feeling I get when I look at it,

It makes me shiver"

Here, I can relate everyone or at least this is just me when I am about to face my demons, it makes me scared that sometimes I let them win.

"And face the horrors that lie beyond.

And then I hear a tune,

A soft and familiar melody,

Urging me to enter this darkness,

And giving me the courage required.

I enter the darkness,

And walk through it".

Here courage is gathered, seems like someone summoned his Angels. Ever ready to face this enticing fear, that no matter what the outcome be, he's ready to fight till the end.

"I raise my knife for a final time,

And bring it upon it with all my might.

I hear it scream,

And I can no longer feel it's presence.

I breathe a sigh of relief,

I have faced my worst fear".

What's more than getting a good air. The air we breath when we finally overpower our worst nightmares.

I really enjoyed reading this piece. It tells a story, a story with a bit of horror.

Oh. My. God. I love this, it's amazing! You have captured my feelings and the feelings of many others when frightened and portrayed with such poetic finesse and structure that this may well be one of the best things I read all week. Keep going with the poems, I'm sure they'll be great! Keep it up and I hope to read more of your work in the future. I will say it once again, this is amazing!!!!

Oh. My. God. I love this, it's amazing! You have captured my feelings and the feelings of many others when frightened and portrayed with such poetic finesse and structure that this may well be one of the best things I read all week. Keep going with the poems, I'm sure they'll be great! Keep it up and I hope to read more of your work in the future. I will say it once again, this is amazing!!!!

As far as I have understood this poem, I assume that you have had an experience like that mentioned in your life before. If that is the case, I would like to congratulate you to have conquered your fear. Your poem also conveys a similar thing- life is full of fears,wherever we go, it will try to frighten us with its various forms, trying to discourage us from being successful. It only depends on us whether we leave our success at halfway or overcome those fears and attain success in life. In the end, you the poem conveys the meaning that you have used all your will power to overcome your fear and now you can finally face it whenever it comes to haunt you.
Overall, I like this poem; for the first time have I read a poem based on fear and the fact that it is an integral part of life that encourages us to be successful. Nice work bro. Keep it up!

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about facing a deep fear. I like poems that use a lot of imagery and this one uses darkness, and a pit. It also uses personification by having the darkness behave as if it were a dangerous beast of prey who reacts to the speaker's attack by screaming and breathing slower until it dies. I also like the way that the poem uses auditory imagery via the mention of music which provides the protagonist with courage.

My understanding of the poem

I understood the pit as death and the darkness behind the speaker as a threatening situation that was tempting the speaker into suicide. The only reason that it wasn’t done, the speaker tells us, is because people care very much for his or her well-being. The slaying of the Darkness beast I understood as facing the threat and moving on with life.


Suggestions

Reducing the number of times these words are used would be nice.

darkness = 4
walk = 2
enter = 2
through = 2

Describing what kind of music the protagonist hears would also be good.


Punctuation

I personally would have enjoyed reading it more with regular punctuation, so my advice is based on that. When each line starts with a capital, I pause because I am not sure whether I am starting a new sentence or continuing the one above. Sometimes I have to stop and start over because I make the mistake of continuing after a slight pause when I was suppose to come to a full stop. This is made more serious if we use commas instead of periods because commas are telling me to pause and not stop.

If I pause and then I find that I needed to stop, then I will have misread it and the reading experience can become choppy via a distracting stop-and-start sequence. So in my opinion, fixing this would be an improvement. Below are some punctuation and other suggestions that I feel will improve readability.



Punctuation Recommendations

And the feeling I get when I look at it, It makes me shiver,

And the feeling I get when I look at it makes me shiver,



I am standing at the edge,

And when I look down,

All I see is a bottomless pit.

And when I turn back,

I see darkness,

[b]eyond which, I don't know what exists[,]

[a]nd the feeling I get when I look at it

makes me shiver,

[t]elling me my worst fear lies ahead[].

-

But the pit has a warm glow,

[a]s if promising comfort and love[.]

Yet I can't jump into it,

[f]or my feet are anchored to the ground,

[b]y those who care about me.

-

I am standing at the edge,

[t]rying to gather enough courage to walk through darkness,

[a]nd face the horrors that lie beyond.

And then I hear a tune,

A soft and familiar melody,

[u]rging me to enter

[a]nd giving me the courage.

-

I enter the darkness,

[a]nd walk through it,

[l]istening for the faintest of sounds.

-

I freeze as I hear it approaching,

[a]nd ready my weapons[.]

It gets closer and closer,

[u]ntil I can feel it's presence[.]

It is in front of me.

I use my weapons and strike,

[o]nce, twice, thrice.

I hear it's breathing,

getting slower and slower.

I raise my knife for a final time,

[a]nd bring it upon it with all my might.

I hear it scream,

[a]nd I can no longer feel it's presence.

I breathe a sigh of relief[.]

I have faced my worst fear.

-

Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Hello, shaniac here to review your poem!

The title caught my attention as what I thought this poem was going to about the different fears attacking the narrator or something. But, when I'm reading this is actually about one singular fear and you present it in a riddle format. It is kind of making me wonder what this fear could be and why the narrator decides to stab it.

The first few lines of this poem really set the tone for what is going to happen later. There is a sort of suspense in the air and I'm getting this vibe that the narrator is in a dreamlike state, watching their body do these things. Along with this dreamlike state, there is also a story being told here, and you definitely show the conflict of the narrator not knowing what is beyond the darkness. Though, I'm kind of wanting more emotion to the narrator. With poetry, usually, you tell instead of show. And by that, you can use metaphors or similes to make the poem itself stronger. When you do make it stronger, the reader is able to really feel what the narrator is feeling at that moment.

And the feeling I get when I look at it,

It makes me shiver,

Yet I can't jump into it,

And then I hear a tune,

Hey, my friend! I enjoyed the read. This was a theatrical piece. The images just floated in my head, you adeptly have described the speaker's plight in this poem.

I was literally in the speaker's shoes, man, that was scary.

It was way more intriguing, I could n't guess what's the creature making the scary sounds, until you stated it was the speaker's fear.

"I raise my knife for a final time,

And bring it upon it with all my might.

I hear it scream,

And I can no longer feel it's presence.

I breathe a sigh of relief,

I have faced my worst fear."

I loved these lines, have read many poems based on this theme, you've set yourself apart in these very lines.

Great imagination. I could feel each and every word, the words are skillfully carved with the theme that the picture was so evident and understanding.


You cleverly added the ingredient for the taste of horror in these lines:

"I freeze as I hear it approaching,

And ready my weapons,

It gets closer and closer,

Until I can feel it's presence,

It is in front of me.

I use my weapons and strike,

Once, twice, thrice.

I hear it's breathing,

getting slower and slower"

Boy, that was great, I was totally into it, you got me in this line,

"I hear it scream,

And I can no longer feel it's presence."

I savored your poem line by line, it has great imagery, especially should've mentioned the start of the poem,

'And when I look down,

All I see is a bottomless pit.

And when I turn back,

I see darkness, "

I like reading Hope via conflicts, you nailed it. This piece was adventurous.

I saw a brave girl in this poem, I feel good. KILL THE FEAR!!

GOOD IMAGINATION, METAPHORS, STRONG THEME,...

Don't give up in writing poem, I certainly say you are way good at it.

Keep writing!!

Good job! Enjoyed the read. Looking forward for more of your works.

This is my first attempt at poetry, and if somebody thinks it sucks like hell, just say so straight, so I don't commit more crimes in the world of poetry.