Loss

Hey Weirdo,

I have to say that I think this poem has a lot of really good content. You're dealing with a very touchy subject of death in a manner that's showing how much emotion is going into this by expressing it in terms like "The world didn't care" and other ways.

I feel like the general style of the poem could improve if you were less strict with your line structure such as capitals at the front and punctuation at the back. That might allow for more of a free-flowing feeling to this poem and your lines will probably read better together if you capitalize and punctuate based on the sentences that you're using rather than the lines that you're showing. After all, why double-dip and show the lines with the commas when you're already showing them with the white space around the poem?

I feel like the poem could also use some general improvements in specificity. I love the metaphor at the beginning with the hurricane, but I want to know more details about this person. What is it that they're missing most? Do they miss them when they see or experience a certain thing? When they are looking at something? What reminds them of this person that they're missing and what was the relationship like? It might extend the length of the poem, but in turn for adding these things, try also taking out things which sound like stuff everyone who has lost someone says.

Keep a poem original by making it something only YOU would put together as words.

All in all, I think you did a really good job showing the emotion in this poem and your structure, your capitalization and punctuation, is holding you back. If you shake that off and get into more of a free-verse style, you're bound to feel better about it while you're writing and have more enjambment and more creative ways you put your lines together.

For the Poetry Exchange
Happy NaPo Camp.

greetings to TheWeirdoFromBeyond!

your piece touches the heart upon the first reading. Beautifully written 'loss' describes the utter pain of separation from someone who owns your heart . Hence, commendable work.

Coming upon to some loose points, please try to maintain the rhyme pattern throughout. It urges the reader to read till the end as the flow continues. also don't change the format. ( all way long you used 4 lines a para and then somewhere you took to 3) . do check that out.

rest is beautiful. Your choice of words was good. can try some poetic devices to create magic!

hope that helps you . ( need not to take anything on heart. your work is totally yours. These were just some suggestions from a crazy person. winks*)

hope to read more of you.
---chitz---

Hey there, Weirdo !!

Here is Eros again with a review for you !!

"Loss" is a beautiful poem written by you. It was really heart touching and I loved it very much. I like the way you have Described all the feelings full of love, pure love .. and great feeling of "loss"...

It reveals a regret ...or lament. It was a really emotional poem and I loved it from my heart.

Keep writing and we would love to keep reviewing...

With love,
From Eros.