A broken heart

Hey there, Weirdo!!

So here is Eros to write a review for another poem I have just now read of yours!!

Llllet's BEGIN.

The title of the poem is very catchy and caught hold of my attention pretty well. I loved the content of the poem and the title suits the poem and its content very well.

The poem is full of pains of a broken heart. I got the feelings, like... they reached my heart and touched it gently, melting me down, and making me feel the feelings. Here you, as the narrator describes the feelings in various stanzas linked together with softly and smoothly flowing ideas, together weaving it into a beautiful poetry.

They say a heart entirely broken down

Cannot be broken any further.

Yet, here we are.

Here you describe that a heart which is already broken can not be broken again. Like, obviously... It's broken! And this sweet idea is expressed in a poetic way perfectly.
But then, "Yet, here we are." Like... It contradicts the first sentence, saying, They say once a heart is broken, it can not broken again, yet, it's broken. It's like a question, why is this happening? I am sorry if I took anything wrong, but this is what it seemed to me.

Then,

i know people have had worse,
But this is the worst i can take.

So wise of you. You are very optimistic here. Generally, a "sad" poem is associated with "negativity". but, not a case with this beautiful poetry of yours. You are not asking God, "Why are the pains with me?" OR saying, "I am the most unlucky". Instead you say, "There are many others who have suffered more than you." That is so optimistic.

And the next stanzas that follows, That is from, "I wish I could stop... yet we are here," made me say, "It happens... It does happens." I mean, it made me relate the reality with the poem. It happens in real life. In fact, I have myself written about

& i want a shoulder,
For when i cry.

part. Longing for a chest to bury my head, while I cry... That's the most painful part in the poem.

Overall, I just loved this piece of yours, like /I loved the previous works of yours that I have read.

Keep wriyting such AWESOME, WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL and INTERESTING poetries and other stuff and we would love to keep readinmg them and reviewing them!

Have a great eveining!
With love,
From Eros.


Here I get my first blue star!!

Hello Weirdo! Princess has come to review.

I just quickly want to say that poetry is about what you as the author think the piece should sound like, so you can completely ignore this review if you’d like.

First of all, I really liked the concept of this poem. The theme was very good for a poem.

Obviously, it is completely up to you what you name your poem. I would have given this poem the title of Broken-hearted.

I noticed you used the & symbol a lot. I think it would have been much more poetic had you used the word and. There were also a whole load of uncapitalised I’s and this just annoys me so much I had to point it out.

They say a heart entirely broken down,
Cannot be broken any further.
Yet, here we are.

I feel like yet isn’t quite the right word here. Maybe “But still, we are here” would sound better. It’s completely up to you!

i know people have had worse,
But this is the worst i can take.

I know you are trying to do repetition here, and I really like that. However, worse and worst isn’t quite repetition, so maybe you could change that.

i i wish i could stop,
Stop all the pain & suffering.

Here, there are two stops next to each other, so I feel like the second one of them should be taken out. I understand why you put two in, but I feel like it would make more sense if there was only the first one.

& i feel helpless & lonely,
Wandering the woods of terror.

The first & is unnecessary.

& i want a shoulder,
For when i cry.
i want a sky,
For when i fly.

There is another unnecessary & at the beginning of the line. Also, I’m not sure if this is just me, but I feel like need a shoulder and need a sky would sound better.

Even though i am screaming,
Screaming as loud as i can,
No one can hear me,
For my voice is drowned,
Drowned by those of others.

I really like this verse. The only thing is, I think loudly rather than loud would make it sound perfect.

Every time i rebuild,
i am just broken down again.
Yet i have hope,
Hope that one day,
No one will be able to break me again.

I feel like ‘Every time I rebuild myself’ would sound better. Before ‘have’ in the third line down, I feel like there should be a ‘still’. Also, the repetition of hope is unnecessary. I would take away the second one.

They say a heart entirely broken down,
Cannot be broken any further.
Yet, here we are.

I really like the way you repeated this from the beginning.

Overall, I really liked your poem! I hope this helped, and keep writing!