Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
SCENE 7
The trio is dropped into a large mud puddle. Rain is pouring, their clothes soaked through in a matter of seconds.
They quickly get up, standing. DAKOTA's eyes light up for a moment.
DAKOTA:
Fred!
His excitement is sudden and he picks up a muddy rat. One that isn't even the one he had from the Battle of the Marne.
CARMON groans, but she won't correct him. If it brings his mood up, then it doesn't matter.
The group wander through the trees, rain drenching them.
KHAILEN:
(Muttering)
It's freezing
They continue to walk through until they find themselves in a break in the trees. The blue screen flashes again with the same message. Quest Completed. Completed the next. All three of them show vast signs of exhaustion and sorrow. They are now desperate to get home.
As they look up, they see a rugged terrain, the rain turning everything to mush. Americans are fighting on one side, Germans on the other. The blue screen pops up again.
This is the Meuse-Argonne Offensive. The date is October 8th, 1918. This battle started on September 26th. It will not end until November 11th.
This is the largest American battle fought in the World War.
The group stays for a moment, just watching the battle. Everything is in ruins . . .
CARMON seems tense, her shoulders tight.
CARMON:
I had no idea that Germans were . . .
DAKOTA:
This bad? Yeah. Neither did I.
KHAILEN:
(Turning to face them)
Stop. None of this is either of our faults. This isn't our world . . . It just sucks that this is what humans do.
CARMON:
(Her arms raising)
How could someone want so much control over the world?!
KHAILEN:
(Shaking her head)
You can't do anything about it. It's just how it is.
The trio look back out at the field. At the war that's raging. Then in another bright flash, they are falling again.
**End SCENE 7**
SCENE 8
The group is dropped yet again onto a hard floor. People are sitting around in large rows.
The blue screen informs them of what is going on, as they cannot hear nor be seen.
This is the meeting for the Treaty of Versailles. The year is 1919. This Treaty has ended the war.
Germany was forced to take full responsibility for the war.
The group looks around, the camera panning out around them.
The war imposed rough financial, territorial and military penalties on Germany. This Treaty also established the League of Nations.
The war is over.
The screen fades to black. This time, they aren't tugged away and dropped into a random location. They are gently pushed into an open room where music is being played. Women dressed in loose, short dresses and bob cuts are dancing with cigarettes or bottles of alcohol in their hands. Men are also in the room
The group watches them for a moment. The blue screen appears again.
It is currently the 1920's. Young women, often called Flappers, are dancing and smoking. They are often labeled as rebellious.
The group separates, wandering around the room. Jazz music is playing in the background.
CARMON:
(In awe)
Wow . . .
DAKOTA:
This is amazing . . .
KHAILEN is standing off to the side, tapping her foot to the music. Suddenly, DAKOTA finds himself tangled in a Flapper's arms and being taken away to dance.
The moment is peaceful. A nice form of relaxation for the trio after the harsh endeavors they just witnessed. It was different than what they had at home in their universe.
KHAILEN found herself able to crack a small smile at watching her Lieutenant and Sargent relax and have a moment to themselves. For the first time in a long time, they could be relieved of harsh lifestyles and placed into this one.
It was new. However, after about an hour or two of being in this setting, the room slowly faded to black and the group was being transported again.
**End SCENE 8**
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the petrifying S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The Delta Unit gets teleported to Meuse-Argonne Offensive, The Treaty of Versailles, and the 1920s! (Ooh, fun! Flapper girls!!!) But while the booze and the jazz is enticing, yet another World War lurks around the corner…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how Khailen feels about Carmon and Dakota. She genuinely cares about the people who work for her even when she’s feeling upset herself. My favorite parts were when she reminded Carmon that they are in a different world and when she watched Carmon and Dakota relax at the party. Also, I really love the vibes/flapper movement of the 1920s and seeing that in a story/screenplay script was cool to see!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a magnificent chapter on how things may be peaceful but that anger and frustration still lies within and what will come next will be much, much worse. I know what is to come but I don’t know how The Delta Unit will deal with this. So, I shall read the other scenes tomorrow and…
I wish you a marvelous day/night! ^v^
Ahhh! Thank you for the review again! I love seeing The Delta Unit getting some good attention. I appreciate you <3
Yw!!
Love the scene setting for scene 7. Much better than scene 5.
And he gets his rat back xd some rat at least
Hm is this really an alternative world? I wish you’d describe what the Germans and Americans are doing respectively. We are… still in WW1 right? So idk if the Germans are rly worse than the Americans in this one. Hehe leave it to YWS to make you think twice abt writing abt nationalities =D Sry :3
AWWWW “tangled in a Flapper's arms and being taken away to dance.”
Hmm kinda weird we did not get a mission statement for the treaty of Versailles thingy so far. That is one of the crucial things that came out of WW1 =D
Oh so no mission at all for this detour? Do these poor soldiers eventually get something to eat? ☹
I do like the dancing tho and that they were “real” enough in this scene to interact with the ppl there. That is rly fun :3
YESSS!
At this point, like I mentioned before, I felt very rushed and panicked, I must've forgotten to write a prompt. I just needed the story to move on. Like mentioned before, I do plan to fix some of these, ESPECIALLY the YWS formatting. I think I was tired when posting these, and didn't notice my format slips haha