I remember when I was young,
My mother would sit with a cup of tea,
Her hands would be warm, she looked safe,
And I remember her words to me.
"Look at this, my Katydid."
She'd whisper in my ear.
"The flowers are blooming on your birthday..
Oh, I wish that they could stay."
As I grew, my mother grew too.
And over time, I wish I listened, for her words were true.
Every warning, every word,
Everytime my voice wasn't heard.
Mother was there, she'd lift me up.
She'd scold me lightly for wanting to give up.
Even though I thought my mother was wrong,
Time and time again, She proved that I had messed up.
Mistake after mistake, my mother would simply smile.
"What did I say to you, my dear child?"
I never answered her question.
God, I wish I did.
Because my mother was right.
She had the definition.
The definition of pain and anger.
The definition of sorrow.
She held the definition of understanding,
And she held onto it for tomorrow.
For my first heartbreak, she had sat me down.
She warned me of these definitions.
She said that they'll stay forever now.
And as she took my hands, wiped my tears away.
She smiled at me, it had made my heart ache.
"Don't worry, My Katydid. With time it will fade.
But don't waste your time on these boys, or you'll make a mistake."
Mother knew the definitions.
She had them all.
And I hate to admit it,
But she wasn't wrong.
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Hey..Taosted writer, Always here..hope ur doing good and safe. I always feel like I'm not good enough to review anyone's work because everyone on YWS is so talented. That's why I rarely write reviews.
Your piece beautifully shows a mother’s love in a real and touching way. She was once a girl herself who went through a lot, just to make sure her children don’t face the same. She warns us even before we make mistakes, and even after we do something wrong, she still comforts us and gives us the strength to face it. Having a mother like that is truly a gift from God.
What connected with me most is that I don’t have a mother like that. No matter what I do, it’s met with criticism, and I always fall short of her expectations. That emptiness has often made me wonder what a loving, supportive mother would feel like. You portrayed that warmth and care so beautifully—it really touched something deep in me.
Only the people who don't have it know the real value. Hope it works
Keep going 😍
Omg, Sea, your reviews are wonderful! I assure you! I thank you for your kind words, its always a pleasure to see you around YWS and amongst my page sometimes. I'm glad I could make you connect with something. I had a similar situation too, still do, but I've managed to move on, and (still trying) to get adopted by a series of people who will do as I wrote. Which is who I referred to. But you have to remember, just because one person says something, doesnt mean its true. If you are proud of it, and you are happy, that's all that matters. Because if you are not you, then who will you be? (Quotes from my therapist).
We are here for you and we love you and you words! I promise! You are just as talented as the rest of us!!
-Love your toasted friend (even if she's A little burnt and crumbly), Taost
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Hello there! Lim here with a review. I thought this was a nice reflective piece on a wise parent and the sad realities of life. Sorry if my reviewing language seems a little academic - I use terms like ‘the speaker’ and ‘the mother’ so I can talk about how you’ve presented yourself and your mother in this specific poem - hopefully it doesn’t seem too weird!
Firstly, this poem has an intriguing title. Something I liked was how you used “the definition” as a refrain, repeating it in different contexts. My favourites were:
And
For the first one, I feel like it seems to refer to how some feelings or ideas need time to be truly understood, hence the mother ‘holds onto it for tomorrow’. The verb “held” is also interesting here because it makes these abstract concepts seem like concrete things, which can be touched and held onto. The second one also seems to imply the mother’s knowledge is based on personal experience - she *knows* because she’s *had* them all and through those tangible life experiences.
^This was another interesting line. I wonder if it means the mother introduced the speaker/narrator to more challenging concepts as they grew? Because it doesn’t feel to me like the mother herself is changing as the speaker grows up, but rather it’s the wisdom she shares that expands. That’s just what I gather, though.
Something to think about might be to mention the speaker’s problem being ‘heartbreak’ a little earlier on. For the purposes of this poem, it kind of feels a bit sudden? The line “Oh, I wish that they could stay."” initially made me the speaker’s problem would be related to time passing too fast, like maybe the speaker would reflect on not appreciating a specific period in life more (against their mother’s advice), so I felt a bit caught off guard by the ending of the poem.
However, something else I liked about your poem is the consistency of the poetic voice - even though there may be no regular rhyme scheme or structural pattern. The voice feels earnest and unornamented, more of a direct reflection on the speaker’s part, for example in the beginning of the poem:
You’ve used words like “warm” and “safe”, which are simple, one-syllable words, to convey how the speaker perceives their mother. It’s ‘literal’ in a way, since you’re not using any metaphors or similes - so it comes across as being earnest, like the speaker is someone who doesn’t shy away from talking about their feelings, if that makes sense.
Similarly towards the end of the poem, the speaker directly says the mother’s smile “made (their) heart ache”. Having this consistency in the sense of how the speaker’s personality is portrayed makes the poem more cohesive, in my opinion.
^I also thought these lines were heartwarming, and I liked the rule of three (warning, word, (times) my voice wasn’t heard).
Overall, I thought this was a fresh way to present the idea of a parent’s wisdom and I enjoyed the poetic voice.
Hope this helps, and keep writing!
-Lim
I appreciate your review and I'll take your advice into consideration! Poetry is not one of my strong suits, short stories are, however, I'm happy to know that you enjoyed this poem.
This helps a ton! <3
~Taost
Hello! Thanks for sharing this poetic piece. Let's get into a review.
Your topic centering on your (or the narrator's) mother is clear, and though we don't get to the "definitions" part till later in the poem, I think it all ties together fairly well. In fact, writing on the topic of one's mother has so many possibilities! It's nice to see that this one implies a good relationship.
It's interesting how you take abstract concepts like pain, etc. and call them "the definitions." I'm assuming this means that the mother figure was experienced in life and knew what real pain, heartbreak, etc. are.
Let's talk about rhyme scheme. I noticed you have some rhyming elements going on, for which I commend you. It's a part of poetry that can be hard to master. However, it didn't appear to me that your rhyme scheme stayed consistent. Sometimes your rhyme was every other line, like in:
"My mother would sit with a cup of tea,
Her hands would be warm, she looked safe,
And I remember her words to me."
But then other places, your rhyme is on two lines back-to-back, like in:
"The flowers are blooming on your birthday,
Oh I wish that they could stay."
Basically what I'm saying is that you seem to skip around a lot and change the method of how you use rhyming and on which lines you place the rhyming words. I'd suggest finding a way to be more consistent in this area. If you aren't familiar with common poetic rhyme schemes, you can look them up and see what formats there are to work with if you want to keep a flowing sound and feel. Of course, some of the flowing sound and feel come with rhythm and meter ... another thing I don't have mastery of yet either!
Overall, this poem expresses some important sentiments, and it's lovely to see the relationship between mother and daughter portrayed. You've shown that the mother has wisdom which she shares with her child, and that the child doesn't realize right away how much she should value that wisdom.
So once again, thanks for sharing, and keep up the good work!
I appreciate you taking the time to review this piece! I do agree, I have not been very good at my consistency with poems. I'm more of a short story kind of writer, but (especially with my music), I have found that in some of my more emotionally heavy pieces, I tend to stick to the rocky rhymes. Skipping around has become a style I've grown fond of, and I use frequently to express that, hard rocky sensation. While, I will take your advice. In several pieces, I gave up simply because the words I wanted to use didn't rhyme in a way that I wanted them to. I have yet to learn with that skill. I do take your advice into consideration greatly. Thank you.
~Taost
Ok, that lends some insight. Honestly, you could try your hand at blank verse if rhyming isn't your strong point. I try it sometimes, even though I'm not sure how good I am at it, but it does lend a certain freedom.