My tears are the rains that soak the ground,
flooding my happiness and drowning it.
The flowers become limp,
the grass becomes muddy,
and it smells of fish and worms.
But--
when all sparkle of sun seems to be lost,
and I am certain that all happiness and life has died,
golden rays wave to me.
The black clouds turn into cotton candy,
and I search for my rainbow.
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129,428 Literary Works • 671,505 Reviews
Hi dear TheSliv!!
This is Eros here to review another wortten by you!!
The main theme is superb! I loved your imagination too.The tears are imagined as rain. The clouds are imagined as a cotton candy. The pem is all about efects of heavy rain. The grass becomes muddy and the flowers become limp.
It was indeed a fabulous work and I enjoyed reading it.
You are writing good! Keep it up!
Hey there Kat here to write another review for Team WHY?
just 
it's such a lovely poem that I really don't want to take it apart and analyze it . But, just a couple things .
, just kidding. Why is this person so sad ? Maybe you could add a stanza or two to elaborate ...but I think it is a good length. Very nice structure and flow though , props .
The first line rains could be fine being left as rain and in the fourth line muddy could be mud. Why does the ground smell like fish ? Perhaps you could choose a more earthy thing to compare it to ? The last line might be happier if she actually found her rainbow. OR a double rainbow
~Kat
I really like this. Like other comments have said, everyone has those days. And honestly I love how you wrote this out.
Keep up the awesome work!
Okay so now time for a review,
Okay, ready? Alright here it is.
It's short and keeps to the point. That is awesome. You stick to the point.Nice! Anyway, I like how you called this tears, worms and cotton candy. At the first glance of this, I really did not know what to expect. And as soon as I read this- wow! It hit my feelings quite well. Great job! I like how it goes from sad to happy. Overall I love this
But next time work on the formatting. It's a little off. That's okay though.
Interesting poem.
I found the "flooding my happiness and drowning it" to be very cliché, but then you countered this with the idea of the mud smelling of fish and worms, which was very disgusting, as probably intended!
Only thing I would change is those first couple of lines. Too cliché.
Hello there,
This is my first review, so please bare with me.
What you're trying to get across here is quite relatable; we all have those days when everything seems like the darker side of the moon, and then finally something lightens up, and life is livable again.
I like how it went from incredibly doom and gloom to extremely happy. I think cotton candy is the lightest most playful thing I can think of! Even then, the ending seems that this character has reached more of a release then pure bliss. It's like they're sighing and haven't yet noticed all the amazing things around them.
When I first read this - I read this twice if you must know - I thought the sun 'sparkling' seemed a little too lighthearted. It kind of makes it seem more young. Not to be rude, either, I really did enjoy this. Though yes, the sparkling sun didn't quite sound right to me.
This was my favourite line. Maybe it sounds like I'm contradicting myself saying one minute that cotton candy is perfect, and then the next that 'sparkle' is too fluffy. That's not what I'm trying to do though, I just feel like 'sparkle' could be stronger, especially since it's in the last bit of the darker half of the poem.
In any case, this was a lovely poem. I'm looking forward to reading and hopefully reviewing more from you.
~Toby~
This poem is literally a pure ray of sunshine. This can be looked ad viewed at in so many ways. Someone going through depression might find this as a hope for a better tomorrow. Someone who is stressing out over something can find rest soon. This idea can be a metaphor for so many different things, which makes it brilliant. Whether or not you meant for this poem to be what I view it as, it is quite amazing! So, there aren't many things that I can find to critique you on. It's a beautiful peace of writing, but I guess I could point out one thing.
1. This poem is a little all over the place for formatting. Sometimes is super hard to work formatting and rhythm and all that jazz into one poem. I think that this poem could go to great to over the top if you added a nice format. Mess around with it (if you want) and see of you can make it look as good as it sounds.
Okay, so there are something's that I really love.
1. It's short and sweet. Don't get me wrong some poems are greet web if they are long, but sometimes a short and sweet poem can be refreshing. As weird as it sounds, I think that it's true. This poem is a perfect length, with just enough content to make it feel complete.
I hope you know that I obviously like this piece!
Keep writing bro!
~ #41