Mommy thank you for bringing me into this world;
planned or unplanned, I can't wait to see you.
Mommy I love it when you laugh;
I may be minuscule, but I still rumble and tumble in here with every giggle that you create.
Mommy I love it even more when you sing;
I can't wait to hear you beyond these barriers.
Mommy I can wiggle my fingers and toes.
Mommy I can hear my heart.
Mommy what did the doctor say?
Mommy why are you wishing me away?
Mommy, mommy, can you hear my cries?
Mommy, oh, mommy why do you want me to die?
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125,034 Literary Works • 672,915 Reviews
Hi Dear TheSliv!!
This is Eros here!!
It was a wonderful poem.
It was a superb work!It was fantastic.I liked your poem.Its all about you and your beloved mommy. It shows the lov for your mother in your heart. It is really an art to write poems. Moreover the last four lines of your poetry are having a rhyming scheme too!say-away;cries-die. You have got a different style of poetry. It is a god gift to you. Its a badge of pride on you.
You are doing great!!
Keep it up!!
Hey there this review might not be worth much seeing as it's review day but I just had to write one because I really loved this poem .
For my beloved Team WHY?
Firstly, the repetition was elegantly done, mommy over and over in the beginning it adds to the feeling of adoration this unborn child has...in the end it cuts like a knife when you find out that she wants an abortion. But why did she want an abortion ? She was singing and laughing what happened? I think explaining that a bit more would really add to your poem and make it even more depressing . You want your readers to be really attached to this child, not just pity him/her. That being said, I don't like and review just anything (even on review day) this was a quality piece about a very real issue in the world right now and your formatting really aided your message . I can't see any grammatical errors , you really went all out .
~Thanks for sharing
Kat
OMG this is some powerfull stuff I love this part. Mommy I love it even more when you sing; I can't wait to hear you beyond these barriers. Mommy I can wiggle my fingers and toes. Mommy I can hear my heart. This part just makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry in the corner. Mommy what did the doctor say? Mommy why are you wishing me away? Mommy, mommy, can you hear my cries? Mommy, oh, mommy why do you want me to die? You did an amazing job! I'm going to start reading more of your writings and writing more reviews for you! Keep up the good work! Good luck!!!!
OMG!!! This is some freaking powerfull stuff!!!
I love this part
"Mommy I love it even more when you sing;
I can't wait to hear you beyond these barriers.
Mommy I can wiggle my fingers and toes.
Mommy I can hear my heart."
How did you even write this? I hope this wasn't an experience! I don't think I could ever write like this.
You did an amazing job! Keep writing poetry!!!!
Thanks! Fortunately I wrote this not from an experience but just from an opinion.
Abortion.
Ok, I'm going to set my review up like this: Actual poetry constructive criticism first, then my personal opinion on this poem and its theme. *rubs hands together*
I read this line and thought, "Oh, the kid is already born and is seeing its mom for the first time and thinking this stuff." But then you follow up with the next line saying, "I can't wait to see you" implying the fetus is still in the womb. So I suggest changing the line so it's not misleading.
Here, you started rhyming, whereas before you didn't rhyme at all. Not saying it sounds/looks bad, but just pointing it out in case you wanted to change the previous lines to make them rhyme so the poem is consistent in rhyming.
Here, you lost the rhythm the rest of the poem has. Not enough syllables, and the periods at the end gave me a sense of abruptness that only added to my discomfort at the lack of necessary syllables. Otherwise, I thought your rhythm was great, besides the super long line that kind of made me cringe (because of the off-kilter rhythm).
Poetically, I very much enjoyed this poem. Personally, not so much.
First off, the entire poem referred to the impregnated female as "mommy." This gave the reader the sense that the female impregnated was already a mother, when in fact, I beg to differ. It also put the female in a very bad light when they had an abortion, or planned to have an abortion, as if a mother had betrayed their child, which I highly disagree with. I think a person is not a mother simply because they have a fetus in their womb; that is not a child yet, it is a developing fetus. Females who have an abortion typically have them very early in their pregnancy, LONG BEFORE THE FETUS IS FULLY DEVELOPED or even close to being developed as a thinking, living, human being.
Notice that I choose the noun female instead of woman or something similar. Why? Because not all females who are pregnant are women, and that is something very important to remember when considering abortion. If a thirteen-year-old girl gets raped, does that automatically make her a mother or force her to take unfair and cruel responsibility for the tragedy that has been inflicted upon her? No, it most certainly does not. Raising a child in an unhealthy environment is far crueler than terminating a woman's pregnancy with a fetus that is far from fully grown. You may be thinking, "Oh, she can just put the child up for adoption or something of the sort." This article may make you rethink that. It's much crueler to put a child in a terrible, unhealthy (to say the least; abusive, scarring, to be more specific) environment than to terminate a pregnancy where so-called 'child' hasn't even developed the basic capabilities of the child you speak from the POV of in this poem.
So, no, abortion is not murder. And if an impregnated female commits no crime nor anything immoral or unethical in doing something, why is it anybody's business but those closest to her, or those she chooses to tell? It isn't, and therefore the choice is hers and no one else's.
Overall rating w/o my personal opinion: 8/10
Overall rating w/ my personal opinion: 2/10
Keep writing!
+1
I respect your opinion, and I hope that you can respect mine. Thank you for the review, and if you felt like I was forcing my opinion onto you, I'm sorry; that was and never will be my intention. That's why I like poetry so much: you are able to express your opinions without feeling forceful to your audience.
Thanks!
That's part of the reason why I like poetry so much too
and no, I did not feel like you were forcing your opinion on me, and I hope you didn't feel that way from my review. Keep writing!
Wow, this is powerful stuff!
I think that imagining this as an abortion would be useful, and I would like to ask you the motivation for writing such a powerful piece of poetry. A few more lines about the unborn feeling sadness and pain could have helped in my opinion, but I guess the impact of the piece would be lost. I can't wait to read more from you! n
Thanks for the feedback! The motivation for writing this piece has nothing to do with an experience I have had or anything; just an opinion that I wanted to share. And I think the best way of expressing that opinion clearly and softly is through poetry!
superb!It was fantastic.i liked your poem.its all about you and your b beloved mommy.it is really an art to write poems.Moreover the last four lines of your poetry are having a rhyming scheme too!say-away;cries-die.you have got a different style of poetry.it is a god gift to you.its a badge of pride on you.
Wauw, my grandmother had an abortion and ahe told me she regretted it now. I think this was touching, but im not very good at criticizing poetry. Sorry. As far as i see, its great. Its fascinating and makes the reader think. Good job. I am for abortion, dough. Imagine if the girl got rapped or is 15? See my point of view?
Sorry, i loved it but do have my opnion.
Thank you for the review! I do understand both points of the controversial issue, and I really appreciate you speaking in a non-aggressive tone. That's why I decided to write this as a poet, it's less aggressive and I have no intention of attacking anyone! Thank you
Thanks for not getting mad. I was worried i would have a very angry catholic person who would scream that abortion is a sin. I know not all catholics are like that. Thank you