She dances, dances in my heart,
Dances like the winds and the skies torn apart;
She laughs, laughs like the seas,
Laughs like the waves and the stubborn breeze;
She is so adorable -- and I might be falling.
Fluttering, flickering, I flatter her,
Flattering with genuine compliments;
Glistening, frisonning, I listen to her,
Listening in bliss in sweet contentment;
She is so cute -- and I may be falling.
She trolls me, trolls my mind and soul,
Trolls me with fervour and laughs beyond control;
She ragebaits me, ragebaits in creative jokes,
Ragebaits with fire and leaves behind no smoke.
She is so funny -- damn, am I falling?
Pittering, pattering, they pour down,
Pouring down tears in a torrential shower;
Observing, unnerving, she sees my frown,
Seeing if I'm okay, she concerndly purrs;
She is so caring -- I am definitely falling.
She might have flaws, like this poem;
She might have someone else she loves,
I've not been with her long enough to know 'em,
But my heart's copse revives in my bosom's cove --
For, O reader, pray know... I have already fallen.
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141,599 Literary Works • 675,120 Reviews
Oh my! This is amazing. I love how you added slang from recent years, but still made it sound like a gorgeous poem! It seems like you’re really open and passionate about this girl, and it sounds like an inspiring poem!
My favorite part is:
She may have some flaws, just like this poem;
It’s flattering and makes the reader laugh, but it’s also endearing! I also like the: Pittering pattering lines, because it makes me happy that the writer is vulnerable and likes to be cared for. All humans just want to be loved and cared for.
Hey! I personally loved the poem "Falling" because it had a humorous undertone that made the amorous feelings of the author sound even more sincere. The casual tone in which the poem is written in, along with such words as "dances," "laughs," "trolls," and "ragebaits" make every stanza burst with liveliness, while the concluding couplets of every stanza make the author sound even more sincere in his feelings.
This line, in particular, was my favorite among the multitude of repetitions in the poem, as it sound like a real thought that could have occurred to the author while reading this poem. The use of the word damn in the middle of a potentially philosophical statement makes it sound unpretentious and real.
What I also liked about this poem was that although every stanza talks about the same feelings towards the object of affection, they are described from various angles.
It makes the poem interesting and gives it a sense of a gradual process of falling in love as opposed to, say, listing reasons why one likes the girl. The fourth stanza is also my favorite because it shows that the affection is not purely physical:
By emphasizing that the girl cares for the boy's feelings, the author makes his point more sincere. And by saying
he even makes the confession funnier. The poem is light hearted and, again, unpretentious which is why it is so endearing.
Although
is a pretty straight forward conclusion that leaves no doubt as to the meaning of the poem, it is also perfectly in line with the tone and the style the author has chosen. I think that some parts of the poem could have been more polished, however; words such as frisonning or concerndly could have been replaced with more common alternatives making the poem even more accessible. As it is, it still remains a fun and light piece that makes you smile from beginning to end. And I think the way TheRebel2007 chose to present the poem is what made it so memorable to me.
Lovely work!<3
~hira♡
I enjoyed this poem. The progression from “might be falling” to “I have already fallen” is effective, and the repetition gives the poem a playful, almost breathless rhythm. Each stanza adds another reason for the speaker’s affection, so the final confession feels earned rather than abrupt. The third stanza stands out in particular; the “trolls” and “ragebaits” give the poem a more distinctive and contemporary voice.
Some of the wording feels strained. “Frisonning” and “concerndly” are a bit distracting, and there are a few places where the repetition seems more concerned with maintaining the pattern than developing the thought. Some of the imagery is rather difficult to parse. The final stanza has some lovely ideas, though its more ornate language is a noticeable departure from the otherwise straightforward tone.
Thank you for this read.