Gleaning off the shining night --
He stands tall, 'fraid not of yesterday;
Wielding the power of today and tomorrow,
He forges his path to the sky and away.
He draws, he sketches, he sings, he dances,
He laughs away sorrows and pretends no stances;
He looks upon the stars, the galaxies, the suns --
Wrings them around his pinky, just for a bit of fun.
He always helps you out in your times of need --
But not in a shining armour on a silver steed --
But with a smile, he shows you, and sweetly nods,
He embodies his name -- the joy of the gods.
Wearing his emotions on his sleeves, he smiles;
Hiding his scars beneath the knowledge piles
Of wisdom gained from suffering and sorrow --
Turning them into fuel that rockets into tomorrow.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Time will chug on on the train of nonchalance;
He will stand tall regardless and look up on high,
Wringing truth from destiny, destiny from chance.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,266 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
Hey there! I absolutely loved it! Your poem is bursting with positivity and optimism as it narrates the story of a person who, regardless of all the hardships in his life, keeps looking forward.
I personally loved the second stanza of yours, which describes the drawing, singing, dancing, and laughing making the poet look so energetic and vital. What can I say about a man who has the stars and galaxies wrapped around his little finger? The stanza where you describe his scars is also really great! I personally loved the idea of turning the pain, struggles, and sorrows into fuel for the future and the constant mentioning of tomorrow at the end of the stanza really emphasizes this feeling of moving forward.
The only thing I didn’t quite understand in your poem are the phrases “pretends no stances” and “chug on on the train of nonchalance.” I think you could’ve used slightly more descriptive and understandable word choices there.
All in all, I really liked your uplifting and positive poem full of hope and dreams. Great job! <3
here's a quick review
I really liked the concept of this felt very uplifting, but a few lines confused me a bit like "Hiding his scars beneath the knowledge piles" gave off a more of a sad feeling, like burying his pain while the rest was very different.
i liked the alliteration and descriptive words you used, leaning into a medieval knight even with the line in the beginning 'fraid not of yesterday; which i really liked
i found one line confusing or out of place personally being "Wrings them around his pinky, just for a bit of fun." it felt a little random and kind of off from the overall theme. other than that amazing poem i really liked reading it and your style of writing c: