Hello! Wonderful poem, I enjoyed reading every word.
I do have a few suggestions, and they are all based on my opinion and of course you can leave it just how it already beautifully is.
First off, I would break up these lines into stanzas, each stanza beginning with the repeated line, "I only/don't text you when..." It would make it all the more easier to read and create a more rhythmic flow.
Secondly, there are a few lines that seem abrupt and disrupt the flow that I think could be reworded. For example:
Is in your dresser
This line felt very awkward to read no matter how I sounded it in my head. I would perhaps reword it to something like:
Lost inside your dresser
Another abrupt line is:
When I'm around you
You may have meant these short lines to be for emphasis, and if so, ignore me, lol.
Besides these suggestions, I loved the poem!! My favorite line was:
He takes the cake this time
Such a beautifully written, proud line that truly shows that you have healed from this prior broken relationship.
Wonderful job!
Mordax
Points: 391
Reviews: 89
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