She was ashamed of her feelings
So she started to hide them
Behind a mask
Day by day
It started to crack
If you took it off,
You would see
Those wounds that she had to bear
She's young
She'll get through it
Is what people said
So they walked past the cracks
And left her to bleed
In the dark.
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141,600 Literary Works • 675,121 Reviews
This poem may be short, but it carries a lot of emotion. I really liked the mask as a symbol for hiding feelings, and the way it slowly starts to crack makes the pain feel more visible. The line about people saying “She's young, she'll get through it” stood out to me because it shows how easily someone's pain can be dismissed. The ending was especially heartbreaking, with everyone walking past the cracks and leaving her alone in the dark. Simple, but powerful.
Hi Queenie! I'm excited to review your poem.
As rev below me said, this is such a relatable poem. There's something quite impactful about the simplicity of the language you've used, which simultaneously allows for the piece to be easily accessible to many readers. I think that, considering all of that, overall this piece is successful.
While the mask metaphor is pretty common, the cracking aspect brought to mind ideas of papier-mache or something made of a material that is not long-lasting or durable. I'm wondering if you could maybe incorporate a few more visual elements here? I think this cracked mask imagery is good, but fleshed out could be stronger and possibly shed more light into what exactly the person is feeling. Like, I understand the person is ashamed of her feelings, but I'm really curious what specific feelings, if that makes sense?
Furthermore, I felt the last stanza was a little bit inconsistent with the rest of the poem. You have this great image of the cracked mask woven through the poem and at the end, you write about people walking past the cracks, which brings more to mind images of a cracked sidewalk... I am just not certain if that first line of the last stanza highlights the overall image. Maybe something about turning a blind eye would be more appropriate? But it's up to you
Overall, I really liked this. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Keep writing,
Lav
Hi Queenie!
This is a poem I can relate to very much. It's clear and direct, which works well because it shows you understand the feeling and can convey it to others in a great way. The metaphor is well chosen, and you clearly show shame leads to hiding, hiding leads to cracking, and cracking exposes the wounds you were trying to hide. The mask metaphor is quite overused, but your poem adds something new by letting the mask crack over time rather than just sit there and hide the person.
Maybe you could put the 'She's young She'll get through it' in italics so we know that's being said to her, and not by her? But I like that you used speech, as it makes the indifference feel real and ordinary rather than something scary, and shows that the people around us are complicit in us hiding away.
If I had to make one suggestion, I'd add at least one line of imagery that shows us what her feelings are. You tell us her feelings in lines like "ashamed of her feelings," and "wounds that she had to bear" but you never show us what those feelings are. You could write about what she is ashamed of, and what the mask looks like in daily life, such as a smile, a joke, a good grade, that means people don't notice the struggling. One concrete, surprising detail would do more than three more images of pain.
Overall, a great poem! <3