“Why do I need to get married anyway? I’m nineteen. I should be allowed to make my own decisions.” She spoke to herself, then slightly louder. “Who needs a man in their life anyway?”

She sat down in a chair and closed her eyes, so she could listen to the calming sounds of the wind. She wished she could stay here all day. All the stress of the real world gone. Just her and the wind.

She kept observing the light which was growing bigger. She couldn’t tell what the light was attached to, or if it was attached to anything at all.

The figure resembled that of a child

Heya ThePheonix!

If you want some name suggestions, go to baby name sites. Some sugestions for right now are, Owen, Aaron, Peter, Oscar, Bennett, Anthony, Rafael, Alex, there are a lot of boy names, so I'm just going to keep going wit the review or I will be here all day.

I didn't see a nearly anything wrong with this, but I'm a terrible reviewr, so, I'm just going to say sorry now, if this doesn't help you at all. Sorry.

One thing I thought was odd was the fact that Sam screams asking if that crash was an alien and then he just looses interest and goes to bed. Change that. Have him be reminded about aliens or something, and let him decide he's going to watch an alien movie. Get where I'm going? No one looses interest that quickly.

Also, I have two brothers...not one would go to my room and creep in the shadows unless he was really planning to park/scare me or film me talking to myself.

I would also add some more description when it comes to the box part.

"She realised that the blue crate was disappearing then appearing again. Soon the light stopped flashing and the blue crate was gone."

This makes NO sense! How can she only realize that after. Put this in the beggining. Not the beggining of the story, just when she goes outside.

What I did like was the conversation between the twins and how Cara just appeared. I liked the snow and how she obvioulsy doesn't want to get married, the mystery of the glowing box is a plus too.

Hope I wasn't too harsh and can't wait to read more.

-Lau.

EVERYONE!

Sam is just a substitute.
The name. Not the character...

I just couldn't think of a better name at the time.

So if any of you have any suggestions.

I'm all ears.
Then I'll take you to a planet WHERE EVERYONE IS ALL EARS!

#totallynotobviousreference

All I could think about was doctor who. Made me smile. Anyway, I really liked it. I'm pretty sure it's a fanfic seeing as Clara is in it. There weren't anything really grammatical that I could see, though I'm not the best at spotting them most of the time.

I really liked the flow of it and her brother made me laugh out loud because he reminds me of my cousin. The descriptions were really good too. Honestly, I don't really have anything bad to say about it. So good job!!!

Hey, I'm here to review. I bet you love all the attentions you have now.

Spoiler! :

It was one of the only things that could help take her mind off family pressure.

A "the" after "off" reads better.

Then her ears picked up a faint noise.

I always got criticized for starting a paragraph with a "Then". I think you can put it at the end of the sentence.

No that’s stupid.

What does a that looks like for you to say there's no that? Put a comma after "No."

TSHHHH! BANG!

No need to bolden them. Italic is enough.

"ARE THEY GOING TO INVADE US?”

You want to stress these words, so italicize them rather than capitalize them since it's more proper that way.

"Tell me if you see anything happen outside that window."

"Happens" with a non-human "s".

And is the crate... Glowing?

Decapitalize "Glowing".

Emily then became aware of small vibrations that her feet were picking up. She then listened more carefully and then she heard it.

Erase the second "then" to avoid redundancy. You got it right for the first one!

“You’re confused aren’t you?"

I'm not confused about aren't you. I'm confused why there's no comma after "confused", which makes the sentence confusing.

“I’ve got a lot of explaining to do haven’t I?”

Er, how does one do haven't I? Again, a comma after "do".

Hello~ Blackie ish here to review you~!

I'm quite impressed with your story, given your age and all. I especially liked the little twist in the end, I do love Doctor Who.

Your writing shows promise, I wasn't bored at all as I read it, although I found a bunch of tiny errors with my incredible eagle's eyes. Worry not, it's nothing too serious.

Most of my complaints are based on one flaw; your choice of words.

"A voice suddenly spoke aloud from the shadows. “Well you’ve spent one year with one and it’s been quite fun so it’d probably be best if you did have a man in your life.”'

So, since voices are already aloud, (externally sounded) there was no need to say aloud.
Another thing I can tell you is not to use so many conjunctions in one sentence. I know it's difficult to do (it's one of my own flaws too hehe) but it greatly enhances the flow of your story

"...which outlined its shape as well as further confusing Emily." Tense confusion. You could say "...which outlined its odd shape and added to the already befuddled Emily's confusion"

Another thing you can do to make your story better is to add more adjectives.

"...closed her eyes, so she could listen to the calming sounds of the wind." You don't need to close your eyes to listen to any sound, or the wind.

"“Well what do you suggest? Car crash? In this weather?”' This is actually very likely.

“You go on too many dates.” Emily turned around and walked over the window to stare outside at all the snow that was falling. The snow looked around four inches deep. “You’re not going out in that weather are you?”

She heard a vibration behind her, soon followed by an “Ohh, come on!'

This looks too deliberate, as if your character is a superhero who just makes things happen. You could make the girl cancel the plans later, for example after he left.

"Emily stared at him, arms crossed, eyebrow raised." You could insert "with her arms crossed and eyebrows raised.."

And finally: It's not span, it's spun.

TLDR; I believe you did an excellent job with this work and with focusing on the types of errors I mentioned above, you could be even greater <3

I'm going to keep reading your work.
So better keep writing!~~
Love;
Blackie

Hello Tuesday here for a review!

Okay, when I reading this I didn't expect some Doctor Who vibe, but as I continued to read I had context clues from the summary of the story. Also the end was a big spoiler, nonetheless. Now to reviewing!

I like what you have here. The feelings in here (like imagery, in the beginning) gives the reader a pure image of where they are at. The beginning of this chapter is quite great, as it gives the setting and such for the reader. I also like how the character is having problems with family so I could relate to most people.

“Why do I need to get married anyway? I’m nineteen. I should be allowed to make my own decisions.” She spoke to herself, then slightly louder. “Who needs a man in their life anyway?”