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The Frosted Window

by TheOffBroadwayAuthor

The stars are gone, the sun will rise,

The dawn is bright and hopeful. 

It shines through the frosted window;

I hear the promise it brings:

The storm will clear, the night will end

And you will stand in the peace of winter

Just as you said.

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465 Reviews

Points: 29825
Reviews: 465

Tue Mar 23, 2021 1:11 am
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starlitmind wrote a review...

Hello there! ^_^ Your title caught my attention, so I decided to drop by and leave a review! c: I hope you don't mind that this review will be a bit on the shorter side!

A frosted window is such a neat image! It's simple, but something about the simplicity of it seems so poetic. I like how throughout this, you've created quite the hopeful atmosphere. With descriptions of the sun rising, a bright dawn, the ending of a storm, and the peace of winter, this poem sounds like, "hey, everything is going to be all right, and everything will pass one day." It's a lovely theme, and I love the comfort and hope this poem provides. It's also gives off a peaceful feel, and the italics add to that sense of peace and stillness. I also really like your choice of ending this on a period! It gives a sense of finality and definite assurance. Overall, I thought this was a thoughtful and warm piece! <3

I do have some suggestions for you, but these are just suggestions!! If you don't agree with me, please feel free to ignore them ^_^

The stars are gone, the sun will rise,

Ooh, so while I was reading, I was thinking, what if you rephrased "the stars are gone" into something more specific / more vivid? For example, you could say something like "the stars faded away, blending in with the night" or "the stars were swallowed whole by the night," or whatever suits your fancy! It's also fun to make your lines more colourful and personify inanimate objects c:

The dawn is bright and hopeful.

I love how the dawn is described as hopeful! I think it would be fun to describe the dawn even more. What does bright mean? Could you perhaps use a simile so the reader knows just how bright it is? Or maybe just use a stronger synonym of bright? Some examples of possible substitutes are -> brilliance, vivid, blazing, dazzling, sparkling, glittering, scintillating. Just some suggestions! c:

Just as you said.

Ooh, so is this saying that the poem's speaker had hope and knew that everything would eventually pass? That's interesting, because as i was reading, I had interpreted it like the speaker had no hope and the dawn was comforting them. But with this line, it made it seem like the speaker did have hope, and the dawn was just reassuring them. I'm curious what you were referencing with this line! c: That's the interpretation I got from it, but it could be very different from what you had in mind!

And that's all I got for you! Overall, I love the warm vibe I got from this, which is kind of ironic since this is called "The Frosted Window" xD It was comforting and hopeful, and a nice read to bring ease to someone's heart <3 I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped!

TheOffBroadwayAuthor says...

Thank you for the review! As for the "just as you said", it's about how the speaker had hope, gave it up, and has found it again.

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23 Reviews

Points: 1966
Reviews: 23

Wed Mar 17, 2021 1:44 am
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blueca wrote a review...

Hello! Blueca here for a quick review:
The imagery of this piece is really lovely. The first two lines immediately conjure the mental image of the first rays of dawn peeking over the horizon. Line three develops that vision by only adding the detail of the frosted window; it's winter, there's snow on the ground, and we're watching the sunrise through the glass. It's fantastic, great work.

The meter is rather inconsistent, which subtracts from the overall experience substantially. The first two lines have a very bouncy feel, and the third line throws off the rhythm in my opinion. I would suggest changing it to "Through the frosted window/I hear the promise that it brings" to cut out some of the clunky syllables. For the second half, it's unclear if you're trying to rhyme or not. Combining lines six and seven to create a longer line such as "And you will stand in the wake of winter" then extending the poem by a line or two might be a good solution, or you could change the wording of what you have to implement a change in meter a little more elegantly. It also might be better to italicize what the sun is "saying" instead of using quotation marks for clarity.

Your concept and the individual parts are glorious. It would be great to see that momentum carried through to create a beautiful and unified piece. I hope this review provided some useful insights you can use. Keep writing!

TheOffBroadwayAuthor says...

Thanks for your feedback!

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93 Reviews

Points: 18
Reviews: 93

Wed Mar 17, 2021 1:29 am
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MapleWay wrote a review...

Hey there! MapleWay here with a quick review!

This was a great poem! It does an outstanding job bringing hope to the reader. (I might come back and look at this when I'm feeling like something bad is happening and it won't end.) I got the vibe of yin and yang in the poem as well! It honestly had it all.

Anyways great read! Can't wait for the next!

- MapleWay

TheOffBroadwayAuthor says...

Thanks for the review! I'm glad I can give you some hope.

Who knew Kansas City had its own branch of the Yakuza?
— Jason Sudeikis