Perfect became passion, and from there all I lost
Became a number too high for any cost.
Enjoyment and pleasure are drowned in the sea
Of this black-and-white picture of what I can be.
.
My world is spiraling shut around me,
As skill after skill is lost in the breeze.
Avoidance is religion to this anxiety,
A cult of perfection that claims everything.
.
It breaks the lens of my ears and my eyes
And tells me my flaws through lie after lie.
I may be right, but to me I am wrong,
And the tears claim all, from poem to song.
.
Most tell me to fight and defend my own,
But I have no weapons; I only have hope.
So today I run, and tomorrow as well,
Someday, I pray, I will fight for myself.
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139,506 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hey! MapleWay here with a review!
This was a nice poem! Not only is it a good poem but possibly a great song! I heard from your reply to ForeverYoung299 that you like to sing. You might have already made it into a song but if you haven't I definitely would. For some reason, I sang it as a rap song format but I think it would be awesome in any genre. Anyways onto the review!
This was a great beginning! It does a great job showing how it all started and how after that decision everything changed. And even though it seems impossible to fight it sometimes you have been swallowed by a pit. I wouldn't change it a bit!
in my opinion instead of using is I would use are.
I think this is my favorite line in the poem because it shows that the only weapon you have is hope. And that it might be your only chance of getting out of the pit you've fallen in so deep. So don't lose it.
Anyways great poem! Can't wait to see more from you. Also good luck winning the battle.
Thank you for the review! I'm so glad you liked it
Hello, foreveryoung299 here to leave a short review.
I get you. It's a tough situation to go through...
THINGS I LIKED
Your poetry is a thought conveying one. You make it vivid to the readers about your pain, what you are feeling inside you, you can't focus on anything. You will be able to fight with it, just be hopeful.
THINGS YOU CAN IMPROVE
There is nothing but a very short question.
It breaks the lens of my ears and my eyes
What is the relationship between ear and lens? It's a vague one. Let me know if you have any other interpretation of it. I couldn't interpret this one.
It was an awesome one. Keep writing!
Bye!!!!
–Foreveryoung299
Thank you for the review! The whole "lens" thing was a reference to this thing my OCD does where I can't hear what I'm doing right and I think I'm doing everything wrong. "Lens" was the best word I could come up with. It's sort of like, if a telescope has a cracked lens, you see a crack in the sky when you look through it. There's nothing wrong with the sky, just the lens through which you see it. I used "ears" because I'm a singer, so the lens through which I hear myself is also broken. It is a weird analogy, but I hope I cleared it up a little.
Okay. I understand. That's great
Okay. I understand. That's greay