Hey! MapleWay here with a review!
This was a nice poem! Not only is it a good poem but possibly a great song! I heard from your reply to ForeverYoung299 that you like to sing. You might have already made it into a song but if you haven't I definitely would. For some reason, I sang it as a rap song format but I think it would be awesome in any genre. Anyways onto the review!
Perfect became passion, and from there all I lost
This was a great beginning! It does a great job showing how it all started and how after that decision everything changed. And even though it seems impossible to fight it sometimes you have been swallowed by a pit. I wouldn't change it a bit!
As skill after skill is lost in the breeze.
in my opinion instead of using is I would use are.
But I have no weapons; I only have hope.
I think this is my favorite line in the poem because it shows that the only weapon you have is hope. And that it might be your only chance of getting out of the pit you've fallen in so deep. So don't lose it.
Anyways great poem! Can't wait to see more from you. Also good luck winning the battle.
Points: 18
Reviews: 93
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