somewhere in the dark
wading through the sticky depths
of other people’s pity and sorrow
wondering why it’s your fault
wondering why you have to console
them.
when they’ve lost themselves
amongst the depths of everyone else
their understanding, only a mask
plaster of paris and porcelain
on everyone’s faces
shaped like a frown
always a frown.
maybe you’re happy
that you don’t touch the
sticky-sweet sorrows of
them.
but you never touch them
a widening gap
that will only ever get wider
until you’ve been washed away
by all the tears
that will be shed.
inevitably,
gone.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,145 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hi there!
Here to read and review.
The tone of this poem is definitely melancholy, and sets for a somber mood. It read like a stream of thought, which is interesting because its not in first pov. The structure of sentences was a little jarring for me, and I kept stumbling over lines. For example
I wasn't sure whether to read them as two sentences or one long one because of the abrupt end and beginning. Consider using punctuations to create pauses and breaks that the reader's mind can wrap around. Or, consider spacing the stanzas instead? I noticed that there were no capitalized words after periods -- was that on purpose? Does the title have anything to do with the content?
Really enjoyed the , does that have something to do with roses?
I just read this twice and had so many questions, none of which take away from the emotive quality of your poem.
Thank you!
Thank you for your review! To explain a bit, the poem is about dying, how you're slowly distanced from everyone before you inevitably die.
Already first of all...wow that was intense and extremely sad. You captured the essence(i guess...) of well...death perfectly. This is the best poem I've read so far, it really made me sit back and think wow..how are people so good a writing. Nevertheless this was amazing, absolutely stunning.
Great job.
Thank you.