I laugh, I smile
The wind brings a rose to my feet.
I show people
What they expect.
I mock, I scorn
The smell is sweet- sickly sweet.
I even condescend
To speak.
I tease, I play
The petals, soft against my cheek.
I let them think
That I care.
I hurt, I cry
A thorn leaves a cut that’s deep
But nothing ever shows
On my face.
I’m happy, I am
But every rose must fade sometime.
Shut everything behind
A wall.
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140,171 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hey Anne,
I liked your poem (I still do). To be honest, I was intrigued by the use of 'rose' in your poem. I read the poem as a whole and then I only read the italicised lines and I found a poem within a poem. The effect is pretty good and it brings a deeper and less conventional meaning to the word 'masquerade'.
The 'rose' in your poem has narrated an experience in my life to me. I wouldn't say it was something I wanted to remember, but.... The point is the lines move the reader. They had a bitter-sweet effect. I simultaneously felt longing and reconciliation.
I didn't really find any flaw in your poem. However, there is no end to improvement. Please keep writing better and better, and I'll looking forward to reading more of your works.
Hey Anne,
I liked your poem (I still do). To be honest, I was intrigued by the use of 'rose' in your poem. I read the poem as a whole and then I only read the italicised lines and I found a poem within a poem. The effect is pretty good and it brings a deeper and less conventional meaning to the word 'masquerade'.
The 'rose' in your poem has narrated an experience in my life to me. I wouldn't say it was something I wanted to remember, but.... The point is the lines move the reader. They had a bitter-sweet effect. I simultaneously felt longing and reconciliation.
I didn't really find any flaw in your poem. However, there is no end to improvement. Please keep writing better and better, and I'll looking forward to reading more of your works.
Hey Anne,
I liked your poem (I still do). To be honest, I was intrigued by the use of 'rose' in your poem. I read the poem as a whole and then I only read the italicised lines and I found a poem within a poem. The effect is pretty good and it brings a deeper and less conventional meaning to the word 'masquerade'.
The 'rose' in your poem has narrated an experience in my life to me. I wouldn't say it was something I wanted to remember, but.... The point is the lines move the reader. They had a bitter-sweet effect. I simultaneously felt longing and reconciliation.
I didn't really find any flaw in your poem. However, there is no end to improvement. Please keep writing better and better, and I'll looking forward to reading more of your works.
HI ANNIE! Ahem. Hey. Scarli here to review your poetry today! (I totally need the points, shh >.>)
Soooo, this was an interesting poem. I like the parts in italics, about the rose and whatnot. I love that imagery. ^^
I especially love these lines;
and
and this;
Your flow is pretty good. The "I ___" parts are a bit stiff, but I kind of like it. It's an interesting contrast to the flowery rose lines. ^^ It doesn't really rhyme well but that doesn't matter. Rhyme isn't everything in poetry. I like the imagery, that you're showing people the face they want to see--the one YOU want them to see--and not your real face. I like it a lot. It kind of speaks to me on a level I can relate it to.
Other than that, I don't really have much to say except that I'd like you to expand on this feel you're giving me; the whole one face for public, one face for private thing. This is good, but it could be better. <3 So, overall, I don't have anything else to say. Just remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar. <3
Thanks, scar~ <3
Hello Anne! I've come to give the first review of hopefully many! ^_^ I was surprised to see that this was poetry that you'd requested, but pleasantly surprised. It's a nice change! I will warn you though, I'm no poet, so this will mostly be about what I thought you were trying to portray in this piece.
This doesn't seem to have the same flow as the first line like this. With two 'sweets' I think it throws it off a tad. I think it would work better if you did something to make it one sentence instead of broken up with a dash- I love dashes (
I liked this line, even though it is rather vague. When something or someone is describing getting cut, I always seem to sympathize... Like I start thinking about paper or grass cuts and I cringe. I'm not sure why that makes it enjoyable, but for some reason it does.
Like most poetry, I had to read this a few times to decide what it was talking about. I'm still not really sure with this poem of yours, but to me, it seems like it's about a funeral. At least that's the picture I get from the roses and petals, and the way it almost feels like this is about grieving as it's described.
But it also seems to be about holding in grief, which explains the title. This aspect of it is pretty relatable to most people, I think... or at least, it's pretty relatable to a lot of people. Even if it's a friend or relative that you know that hides their grief and sadness, or what they're really feeling. It kind of makes me resent social expectations. Like for instance ( this is a small example ), when you're at a grocery store, and the cashier asks: "How are you today?" You say: "Good!" regardless of the fact that you have a gut wrenching stomach ache. I just find that odd and slightly unnerving that our society is like that... supposedly we say it's 'thinking positive' but I don't think that's actually what we're doing when we do that... we're acting positive.
Not saying that a person should tell the cashier about every woe in their life... but I don't know, it just seems odd that we're taught, or conditioned, to keep to ourselves. Like it's not socially acceptable to tell the cashier about how terrible you feel... but you know? It's made out to be that if you mention you had a bad day, it's your fault in a way. But I think what it is is actually the information receiver's ( the cashier's ) way of looking at it. Maybe we need to start being more open to comforting people, instead of looking down on the fact that they've crossed some invisible line?
Sorry for that long ramble, but your poem got me to thinking. XD Keep it up!!!
-Socks
This poem is very well written. I like how all the italicized parts focus around a rose. It makes me think how something that is always portrayed as a romantic flower has to die too. It definitely give the poem a strong feeling to it. I feel like in the last two stanzas you should change the last two lines to something like, "I never let anything show" and " I shut everything behind" so that the stanzas can all follow a pattern.
I ___, I____
Flower part
I "action"
Complete the stanza
This is only a nit-picky detail though. This is an amazing poem with tons of emotion poured into it.
Thank you
Hello Queen,
This was a great poem showing lots of emotions. I really liked the italicized part that was a poem of its own. The last stanza, "I’m happy, I am/But every rose must fade sometime./Shut everything behind/A wall." was the best in my opinion, particularly with the way you separated "A wall" from everything else. Also, I like the way the first line in each stanza is following the same format. It helps to connect all of the stanzas and bring the poem together.
All in all, this was a great piece. I have no suggestions or changes, just keep writing! Hopefully I'll get the chance to review some of your other works.
-Falco
Heyo, xJ here to review... YOU! c:
Let's go stanza by stanza.
1st Stanza: Good beginning, jumping right into it. And the 2nd line of that stanza is a beautiful line.
2nd Stanza: Once again, the italicized part is my favorite.
3rd Stanza: "I let them think that I care." I now see the gist of this poem, it's about pretending. Well that would explain the title xD
4th Stanza: Showing no expression to what you actually feel. Very nice.
Final stanza: You nailed that ending. Beautiful poem, with a well-fitting title, and a smooth flow. I have absolutely no bad comments. I loved this poem and I can't wait for more of your works in the future! Excellent work.
May your travels through space and time be merry,
-xJ
Thanks~
No problem ^.^
Hey QueenAnne, Biluata here for a review. I haven't been very active for a little while so I'm a little rusty when it comes to reviews, so here we go.
I'm once again just going to try to focus only on the emotions of these pieces, and yours kind of struck me a little hard, in a really, really good way. I love the way that you presented this piece as a poem within a poem, because it really makes sense, since this whole poem that you wrote is all about pretending. The duel universe type thing going on here really makes the reader stop and think about what's really going on in this poem. and because it is so good, maybe even what is going on in real life, with real people. The emotion of this poem is such a raw emotion, unfiltered, and that is what makes it great.
Congratulations on a great work, and I cannot wait to read more of your stuff.
-Luata
Thanks~