You’re a young man I’d say, far too young to be dealing
with great steel giants so devoid of feeling.
So I’d say it isn’t too bad that you’ve found
some way to encapsulate those on the ground.
You can take them and place their mark on the world
and gift them with that recognition they’ve earned.
Have you ever
Thought
What this could mean for the gallery of your life?
Because on the gantry you catch disdainful young eyes
and tight, dark leather suits (hoping for a good one of course.)
but behind the guv’nors eyes you see strife.
And you turn, when you see the expanse of the city
where there whirls, a writhing rolling shadow
through there you see screams you see mud you see pain
inexorably, inevitably, you curse yourself for your pity
and know this will lead you to step in one two three
through tentacle trees, over smothering sand seas.
Keep going, there’s an unknowable dignity
to make certain beauty, from raw agony.
Though you look at that shadow and you fear what’s implicit
you’re a brave man I’d say, for walking straight towards it.
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140,790 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hey! It’s been a while since I’ve done a review so bare with me.
You had great use of imagery throughout the poem and I felt like for the most part there was a good rhythm, the only place I got thrown off was at the “have you ever thought” as thought is on the next line by itself and it interrupted the flow for me a bit. I really thought the last two lines were really strong!
Hey! It’s been a while since I’ve done a review so bare with me.
You had great use of imagery throughout the poem and I felt like for the most part there was a good rhythm, the only place I got thrown off was at the “have you ever thought” as thought is on the next line by itself and it interrupted the flow for me a bit. I really thought the last two lines were really strong!
Hello Terian!
Anna here for a review!
This is a pretty nice poem I have to say.
The emotions are pretty strong and I love the theme of it.
The words are very touching.
It flows very well, and the way you explained it was perfect.
There is a few suggestions I have for you though.
First of all you need to space the lines into categories.
Like put them into separate paragraphs so its easier to read.
The last line should be separate from the none italicized.
Also there is a few grammar and punctuation errors that need to e fixed.
Either than that its great.
Keep up the good work!
Also happy review day!
Anma
Thanks very much!