Hey there! I'm here for a quick review on this lovely poem.
So, first off, I love the metaphor and imagery you've got going here. You're taking a common, everyday event and making it fresh and interesting, which is awesome. I really only have a few suggestions to make this a bit easier to read.
Stanzas
It'd be really nice if you would break each season up into its own stanza. You might want to break it up even father than that, but by seasons is definitely a good way to go. If you don't know how to do that on YWS, never fear! I'll tell you. It's a bit counterintuitive, but you press "enter" to form a new stanza, not a new line within that stanza. To form a new line, you have to press "shift+enter." So you end up pressing "shift+enter" a lot and "enter" only at the beginning of a new stanza.
Emotion
You do a wonderful job of description here - I can really feel each season, and it brings back lots of memories. There's only one thing missing, and that's emotion. People usually read poetry not only to admire the beautiful constructs of language, but also to feel something. Here, you have a lot of the beautiful language, but very little of the emotion behind it is coming through for me. Show us how the narrator feels about each season. What memories do each one stir, what feelings does the narrator associate them with? Make it more personal, so that everyone can relate to it. It doesn't matter what the emotions are, whether they be peace and joy, or more negative ones like fear or sadness.
And I think that's all I've got for you! Good work on this. Good luck, and keep writing!
Points: 90000
Reviews: 1085
Donate