Lockdown Part 6.1

by Tawsif

Published April 28, 2020

E - Everyone

In Lockdown

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Author's Note: This is actually not a complete part, so you won't have a proper ending.

“It’s been fifteen minutes.” Jahir Uddin, the Cadets’ Mess Manager, scowls.

“Calm down, sir. Calm down,” says Nahid, one of the groundsmen of the school. “He’ll be coming soon.”

“Well, he’s not supposed to be late, is he? It’s a semi-military institution. No one’s supposed to be late here.”

“Come on, sir,” Jewel, another groundsman, says. “It’s a crisis out there. Getting all those foods isn’t as easy as it used to be.”

“There he is.”

Three blue pickup vans in a line approach the main gate of the school. On the front seat of the first van is a man in his thirties, wearing a half-sleeved check shirt. He’s Abdullah Zaman, the school's food contractor.

The vans stop in front of the gate one after another. Abdullah comes out.

Jahir Uddin says, “Abdullah, we can’t accept—

“Oh, you don’t know what’s out there. You have no idea. I didn’t get the tomatoes and pumpkins from the Joynal Market. Not in the Kali Market either. Then I had to get to the Srinath market walking three miles. Walking three miles! There wasn’t a single rickshaw on the road. And now you’re gonna tell me off for being late?”

Jahir Uddin smiles. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“Oh…” Abdullah is caught off-guard. “Right. Whatever. Now get all the foods down and start spraying, will you?”

Nahid and Jewel begin to take all the sacks of food out of the vans and place them on the sheets which have been already spread on the ground. Nahid starts spraying detergent on the sacks while Jewel goes the third van—which is actually the Chicken Van with a number of cages full of chicken—and starts spraying. As the detergent solution makes its way between the grills of the cages into the chickens’ bodies, they cluck stridently.

“Shut up, you little pricks!” mutters Nahid.

Meanwhile, Jahir Uddin examines the Demand Invoice.

“I’ve got everything in there,” says Abdullah. “For now.”

Jahir looks up. “What do you mean?”

“They’re closing the beef markets everywhere. Because a beef market and a big crowd are the same thing.”

You’ll never see a beef market free of clamoring crowd in this country. These people love beef, and cows are slaughtered only once or twice a week. That’s what makes the beef markets so much anticipated.

“Yeah, that’s true for sure.” Jahir exhales. “So does that mean we won’t get beef anymore?”

“Yep.”

“Dear god.”

Jahir Uddin puts a tick-mark beside all the items in the invoice. After that, he asterisks the fourteenth item: Beef.

“So far we’ve served the Cadets foods as per the normal schedule. There’s been no shortcoming. No change. We haven’t let them understand how the bad the situation is outside. We’ve kept them like kings.”

“Well, maybe the storm’s about to get to them.”

“Maybe.”

***

Shahin Hasan is absolutely exasperated. It’s been almost forty-five minutes of an hour he’s sitting on this easy chair in the House Office. He’s constantly looking at the large white clock on the wall. Sometimes he stares at the second hand, wondering if it’s actually decelerating every second.

When he first came to the House, he walked the long corridor up front, glancing at the each of the Cadets’ rooms, checking if their discipline is alright. Then he went to the Office and sat on one of the enormous, old-fashioned easy chairs. For the following fifteen minutes, he played this stupid Snake Game in his phone. He scored 4320 points in sixth attempt, his new high score. But after that he couldn’t score too many and started losing the game too soon. At one point he was so incensed with himself for losing the game at zero points that he wanted to throw his phone, but ended up prodding himself in the thighs with the phone and getting even more incensed.

He looks at his right now. Jamal Islam, Math teacher, senior to Shahin by five years, is reading a book. Jochona o Jononir Golpo. Tale of the Moon & a Mother. By Humayun Ahmed, the legendary Bangla novelist.

“Such a boring job, eh, sir?”

Jamal Islam takes a deep breath without taking his eyes off the book. “Hmmm.”

“I don’t see any reason for keeping two teachers on duty all the time. I mean, if one of us stayed in the House today, wouldn’t that be enough?”

“Of course. One teacher is more than enough to monitor the Cadets. That’s how it was before the lockdown, isn’t it?”

“Exactly. Besides, if two teachers are on duty, the number of teachers coming to the house on a daily basis is doubled. Which means the Cadets are exposed to greater number of teachers. That’s riskier for them. If the Cadets’ safety is what matters most now, why didn’t the Principal think of this risk?”

Jamal Islam shuts the book and looks at Shahin Hasan. “I didn’t think of that either. You’re right, Shahin. It’s just making things worse.”

Shahin Hasan smiles. He feels proud to be right about this.

“To be honest, Shahin, the Principal doesn’t give a damn about these things. All he does is impose all the burdens on our shoulders so he can relax.”

Shahin Hasan nods. “And there’s another thing. If Cadets do anything wrong, we’re there to take the blame. We’re easy bait, aren’t we?”

This is a harsh reality in this school. The Cadets are valued so much that a number of teachers have to answer for the actions of a single Cadet. If any Cadet breaks any disciplinary rule, say, a cigarette is found in his possession, the House Master of the concerned Cadet’s House, the Batch-in-Charge of his batch, the Class Teacher of his grade—all these people will have to explain how and why the concerned Cadet indulged in such nuisance despite their guidance. That’s how it works. Cadets get naughty, they suffer the consequence along with the teachers.

Jamal Islam says, “That we are.”

“Exactly.”

“But one thing is for sure. Cadets are very much safe here. It was a wise decision to keep them inside rather then sending them for vacation.”

Shahin Hasan frowns. “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t agree with you on that.”

“And why is that?”

Sir, this is an abnormal situation. Nothing is normal. No one’s safe. It’s a pandemic, for god’s sake! Everyone is fighting for themselves. So the school could just let the Cadets go. They didn’t need to take responsibility.”

“Well, it’s because the school took responsibility that Cadets are safe. No one’s infected yet.”

Shahin Hasan shakes his head. “You don’t understand, sir. What’s the role of a school? To educate the students. That’s not happening right now because any sort of gathering is risky. That’s why all the schools in the country are shut down. That’s why Cadets are not attending any classes or PTs. So why are they staying? Why do they have to be here?”

“Well,” Jamal Islam intertwines his fingers, “this is not just another school. It’s a residential school run by the Army. This school is the second home of three hundred and two Cadets. These boys deserve to be here because all of them had passed a very thorough admission process. They are the future leaders of our nation, whether in the Army or in the Civil world. So if the Army Headquarters are keeping the Cadets, it’s because they want to protect the future of the nation at any cost. I see no problem in that. It’s rather a noble thing to do.”

Shahin Hasan lets out a sardonic laughter. “That’s where the problem is, sir. The Army Headquarters overvalue the Cadets. They take so much of the Cadets’ responsibility that Cadets forget to be responsible themselves. They pay no attention to the people around who sacrifice so much for them all day and all night. That’s how they become arrogant. And careless too.”

“You can say that, Shahin.” Jamal Islam sighs. “You’re right. But yet, what the Headquarters are doing is a good thing. Think about the Cadets’ parents. They’re all happy with this decision.”

“Oh, these parents! You know what, sir? If my son was a Cadet, I’d have him back hone the moment there was an outbreak. I’d keep him with me when there’s a crisis out there.”

“Well, would you like it if your son had to die in your arms because of your sentiment? Or would you rather have your son be in a safer place away from you?”

Shahin Hasan flounders.

“Exactly. These parents know very well that their sons are safe. That’s why, they’re happy to be away from their children even though it hurts them.”

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Hijinks
Review
Hijinks wrote a review Review · May 14, 2020

Hello Tawsif, I'm here to finish off your review request!

Again, another well-written chapter. I see that you haven't really ended things, and we haven't seen yet how all the different plots are connected, so I presume that there are some more parts to come?

I still feel like there are a few too many characters, but I know I've mentioned this in previous reviews, so I won't get repetitive. I just still suggest cutting down on characters if possible.

I found two very small typos:

Sir, this is an abnormal situation. Nothing is normal. No one’s safe. It’s a pandemic, for god’s sake! Everyone is fighting for themselves. So the school could just let the Cadets go. They didn’t need to take responsibility.”

This quote is missing a quotation mark at the beginning.

“Oh, these parents! You know what, sir? If my son was a Cadet, I’d have him back hone the moment there was an outbreak. I’d keep him with me when there’s a crisis out there.”

And I believe here, you mean "home," not "hone"?

Other than that, spelling and grammar is all great, as always.

Sometimes he stares at the second hand, wondering if it’s actually decelerating every second.

Nothing to critique here, I just wanted to say that this is never something I've heard used as a description for time before, but it's wonderful and I love it!

Jamal Islam says, “That we are.”

“Exactly.”

“But one thing is for sure. Cadets are very much safe here. It was a wise decision to keep them inside rather then sending them for vacation.”

Shahin Hasan frowns. “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t agree with you on that.”

“And why is that?”

Sir, this is an abnormal situation. Nothing is normal. No one’s safe. It’s a pandemic, for god’s sake! Everyone is fighting for themselves. So the school could just let the Cadets go. They didn’t need to take responsibility.”

“Well, it’s because the school took responsibility that Cadets are safe. No one’s infected yet.”

I would suggest adding some more dialogue tags, and descriptions of how these two men are saying things, so that the dialogue is more engaging. That sort of goes along with my point of adding more descriptions in general, though I do see a few more this chapter which is great. But as I've already said, it's fairly difficult (though not impossible) to have too many descriptions, so definitely try to add even more!

That's it for my review, sorry it's a little bit shorter! I hope you found this review, and all the previous ones, helpful, and thanks again for requesting it from my review thread! If you have any questions about this review, feel free to ask!

Keep writing!

Whatchamacallit

Tawsif replied · May 14, 2020

Thank you so much for going through the trouble. Indeed you've been helpful.

User avatar
Holysocks
Review
Holysocks wrote a review Review · May 5, 2020

Hello!

It's interesting to see that you were inspired to write a story about a pandemic, I'm guessing that's due to the current state of the world! I have to admit, I've definitely been interested in reading/writing these types of stories since all of this as well. It's interesting how as humans sometimes we're drawn to these things- but also I'm sure it's not just that but because it's all we can really think about these days.

“Well, he’s not supposed to be late, is he? It’s a semi-military institution. No one’s supposed to be late here.”


I noticed throughout this piece that some of the dialogue can be a bit info-dumpy. And by that I mean, in the dialogue we're getting told information to fill us in about the story, but it's not being said in a way that sounds like natural dialogue, and so the reader is tipped-off to the notion that that piece of dialogue is just there to tell them a piece of information, and it just doesn't sound right. If that makes sense. Sometimes we can put information in dialogue (I mean there's lots of times we can put information in dialogue), but the way to tell if it's going to come across info-dumpy or not is this: Ask yourself "is this character stating something that the character's they're talking to already knows?" When a character states something that the other characters already know, it makes it very clear to the reader that the information is simply there for them, and it just doesn't feel right.

Another thing I wanted to bring up concerning dialogue is that I noticed fairly often that there aren't he said/she said/they said dialogue tags. Without he said/she said/they said dialogue tags, dialogue and get really confusing- and it gets difficult to tell who's talking. Don't worry about using basic dialogue tags too much, because it's really helpful for the readers to keep track of what's going on and readers just read right over them and don't think twice about it! c:

“Oh, these parents! You know what, sir? If my son was a Cadet, I’d have him back hone the moment there was an outbreak. I’d keep him with me when there’s a crisis out there.”


I have to agree with this guy! If I were a parent, and a pandemic broke out, I'd want my family as close as possible so that I could make sure they were safe myself. And I personally don't think a school (no matter how strict) would be any safer- on the contrary, I think it would be less safe because they have more of a potential of being exposed to a large number of kids/people. But that's just my opinion! c:

Poor Jamal Islam sounds SO tired. Also I love how the youngness of Shahin just kinda shines through- I don't think you necessarily tell us that he's young, it's just a vibe we get from him getting all excited about being "right" about something, and probably also cause he addresses Jamal Islam as "sir" (though I guess that has to do with army stuff, too).

So another thing I wanted to mention is that I kinda wished there was a little more excitement in this part! Not a lot happens in this piece of the story, other than us just getting up-to-date with what's happening in the story. But nothing really happens to drive the story forward or to make the reader want to come back for the next parts. Some things that would make this more exciting for me: someone gets sick (I know that sounds horrible, but sadly horrible things happening is what makes stories interesting ;-; ), if the story followed a bit more like how this new situation changed things for the kids - and in general, change tends to be interesting. I remember when I was a kid, playing barbies, something always had to change or happen for the game to be interesting to me; someone new had to arrive at the Barbie's school or it my character had to move to a new town, or some other sort of change in scenery. I almost never enjoyed a game that started in the middle of the Barbie's lives, where they were surrounded by everyone they already knew, etc. And I know you might be thinking "but HOLY there's a PANDEMIC happening, isn't that interesting enough??" well sort of, but we kinda are not coming into this story at the beginning, when the news of the pandemic had everyone asking questions and all sorts of uncertainty. Instead we're sorta started out in a place where everyone's already kinda used to the situation and it's already a new "normal". I hope that makes some sense, sorry for rambling!

In any case, this is a really cool concept, and I hope you continue it!! c: Keep up the good work!

Blergh, I just realized that this is part SIX. So, then, regarding the "starting in the middle of the pandemic" part doesn't make sense now so just scrap that! Dx Though I do still feel that this part could use a little more action.

Tawsif replied · May 5, 2020

Thanks for the in-depth review. By the way, I'd already noticed the thing with dialogue. I think only the particular dialogue you mentioned has that problem, the rest seem ok to me. But thank you for pointing it out.
Also, you'd get a much better idea about the story if you read the other parts, which I'd definitely LOVE!



Noelle, you can lead a writer to their computer and give them coffee, but you can't make them write.
— CowLogic